Upstairs (gmw/Lucaya)

Chapter six

I Lay on my back in my bed. I love Maya. I keep saying it in my head. I love Maya. I was still able to talk to her normally, I just noticed some of the exhilarating feelings that I get when I'm with her. I never wanted to think about what they meant. She said I was her friend today. She said it casually but it hurt. I never wanted to think about what I felt around her because I was afraid of the moment that it hit me that I was just the guy downstairs to her. Even if I mean something to her, I wanted to everything to her. That's too much to want, though. Everyone wanted to mean something to her and I was finally one of the few that did. Since she met Emile about a year ago, I have actually been jealous of him. I knew her. I met her in seventh grade. We met in what I know look back on as the best way. I learned about history and life, sitting behind her everyday. We talked everyday, she was there in Texas, I almost kissed her by the fire and we even dated only, then Riley still had feelings for me and I didn't want her to be my sister so I broke it off with her. Now, looking back at much of high school, I didn't deserve her, I let her slip away from us. She became the girl everyone wanted to friend or fuck. I saw her every once in a while when she was alone and upset but I never asked her about it. I thought it wasn't a big deal because she was so happy and popular. I knew better than that but I just ignored it. She wasn't someone who tried to be popular or even realized that she was. I heard story's of people being popular in high school and coming to college and being a nobody but that didn't happen to Maya. She made new friends and many guys like her. Sometimes I wonder how someone could not like her. The same went for Riley and Farkle but in different ways. I can never explain why but just have to like them. As far as Maya and I went in high school, I saw her a lot but she gradually stated to stop making plans with us and coming to Topangas. Sure she still went, but not to often and she said very little to us. Somehow, she and Riley remained best friends. She had drifted from Riley but yet they were still so close. Farkle knows her secrets. He knew her first kiss, which we didn't find out was actually in seventh grade until we thought she had had her first kiss in ninth. He knew the first time that she had sex, which was between freshmen and sophomore year. He knew when her mom started dating Bill. He knew when she smoked sophomore year and got her to stop after 2 months. We didn't find out about that until senior year. He knew when her mom got married, senior year and he knew why she didn't like him. I still don't know that one but I have to
trust that Farkle would have done something if it was really bad. One thing he didn't know until three months after was when she cut her arm last year. She knew everything about him too. I guess I'm not a great friend to him either. I don't know a lot about those things. He never told us, I should have asked.
There was a knock on the window. I got up and opened it.
"What?"
"Come on." She said, beckoning me onto the fire escape. She climbed up to the her level, the top level, and then turned to me.
"If you die doing this, just know that I will probably kill myself out of guilt." She says.
"Um thanks? But what the hell are we doing?"
"Don't worry, I've done it several times, you just have to be carful." She says putting one foot on the top of the fence part of the fire escape. She holds on until she could reach the ledge on the roof one hand at a time. I watch her from what I can see from the light from the city. It is probably three am. I was up thinking but this girl was doing God knows what. It's like she never sleeps though I bet that despite her current energy as well as her adventuress, wonder filled eyes, she was tired. Maybe not as in sleep deprived but her thoughts. I have seen her sleep many times and although that sounds creepy and is about to get more creepy, she slept differently all the time. When he saw her with her boyfriend, she would usually be fairly tense or flinching. When she falls asleep leaning her best friends, she looks happy. When she falls asleep on Emile, who had some strange unknown but great connection with, she was relaxed. When she falls asleep on me, she escapes. There are no worries in her eyes, though they can not be seen. I just know that there would not be.
Once she is up it is my turn.
"If I die, you will not kill yourself!" I demand. "I chose to do it." Why am I doing this? Probably because she wants me to. I do exactly what she did until I'm up at the top. She orders me not to look at the city but follow her. This was the only way to get up because the door was locked and Maya couldn't get it open. I run after her and climb the later with her up to the top of the locked door, leading up here.
"Now you can look."
"This was worth all of that."