Unexpected Lovers (On HOLD!)

Chapter 24: What's going on

"I'm Coming!.. Damn" 

Someone was ringing the door bell nonstop, and quite frankly it irritated the shit out of me.

It couldn't be Riker because he already left to his campus. Mom and dad are ruled out because they have keys to the house already and have decided that they'd be working late shifts tonight and won't be coming home till morning. And Nash is probably too tired from crying so much today that she probably fell asleep early.

So that only leaves one more very irritating, annoyingly frustrating, "Asher," I growl as I open the door swiftly.

"Nice to see you too beautiful." My cheeks grew heated at his unexpected compliment. I was in his over sized T-shirt and boxers that I had gotten that night at his house when I slept over. I was embarrassed, to even have it on while he was standing there in front of me, and thinkong about it made my cheeks burn an even brighter shade of red.

He chuckled and walked past me into the house. I closed the door behind him, and turned around to face him.

"What are you doing here at eleven thirty at night Ash.. We have school tomorrow," I explain to him as I wrap one arm around my waist and my  other hand to rub my temple.

"Well.. I was checking to see if you were... You know.. okay."

I furrow my brows at him.. "Why would I not be okay?"

"Because you didn't even cry today Iva. You just stood there with a blank face the entire time at the cemetery."

"And... What's your point here?"

"Iva.. You're an emotional ball of shit," I scoff as he chuckles but continues with a serious expression on his face, and in those hazel eyes of his. "You cried when chuckie didn't have a mother to dance with when we were watching reruns... two days ago."

"It was sad.. I couldn't help it."

"What.. So you could help it today Iva?"

"Ash.. You know I don't mean it like that."

" Iva... For the couple of months after we found out that Jer had cancer, I've watched you hold it together, but even that was a struggle for you. For the past three years though, after Jeremy died I've watched you cry. I was always there to catch you when you thought you wouldn't be able to make it throughout the day and you were there for me. I don't get why you're holding back your feelings."

"Ash stop.." I mumbled. It felt like there was a ball lodged in my throat, and I tried my best to suppress it but he just kept on going.

"No! I'm not going to stop until you tell me what's going on Iva."

"Fine!" I yell before lowering my voice, "Fine...You wanna know what's going on with me so badly Ash?" I feel tears begin to rim my eyes and at this point my arms are by my side and my shoulders dropped in surrender. Almost in a croaky whisper I speak. "I'm tired Asher.. I'm t-tired."

"Oh Iva" he says in a low voice as if speaking any louder would break me into little itty bitty peices.

"I'm t-tired of c-crying. Tired of wanting someone b-back that I know I could n-never have back. I'm especially tired of being s-scared. Being scared o-of..of loving someone s-so much because maybe someday, just like J-Jer they could be gone too. Then what am I-I left with? Hm? A broken heart, bad d-dreams, and-and memories.. Memories that haunt you.. A-and that keep you awake all fucking night. It drives you c-crazy because you know that p-person was just there the other day talking to you and laughing with you, but n-now they're not. I c-can't hold his hand anymore. He cant w-walk me to school, can't tease me, none of that. Its all gone, like he was never here. Its even worse because I dont want to cry about it. I want to h-help everyone get through it without having to worry about me. He was Riker's brother too, and Mom and Dad's s-son, and he was your best-best friend. I'm not the only one that is sad that he died, and I don't want everyone to treat me like some fragile piece of glass because I'm not. Like do you know how annoying it is for everyone to constantly ask you if you're okay? And you can't say yes because then they'll throw you the biggest pitty party, so you have no choice but to say no even if you're screaming for someone to help you. Its exhausting Ash It really is." My shoulders shake unconttolably as I sob into the palm of my hands.