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Eighteen : Kitty

I'm darting through thick wilderness, flitting through treetops, sending loose leaves scattering. Moving up, up, up. Up the mountainside at a frantic pace, towards something eye-catchingly bright. A beacon of orange calling to me through the relentless grey green of dark forest. I reach the persimmon tree, heavy with oval fruits, and I don't see, but somehow know, that beneath the thick clumps of toiled soil at its roots lies a wooden box. I want to look for it, but then I'm back at the beginning again, flying through the foliage on a steep incline. The moving image repeats again and again, like re-reading a particularly important page of a book.

Something damp nudges at my cheek. I wake up annoyed, swatting at the cold moist kisses tracing their way into my hair. What on earth is Corin doing?

"Stop it," I mumble, rolling over. I push out with my hand again and feel fur. Then my ears register the snuffling, low-throated noises of a forest creature. My whole body jerks into sudden awareness, eyes snapping open, limbs scrambling backwards onto Corin's sleeping figure, clawing at him to wake up. There's a cougar cub regarding me curiously, its fluffy head tilted. I run clammy palms through my hair, spot my hat lying on the leaf matted ground, and slowly reach out, grab it, and shove it on my head. The cub's amber gaze never leaves mine. It grew still with my frenzy of movement and now sits expectantly as though waiting to see what I will do next.

"You're squashing me," Corin wheezes from inside the sleeping bag. Somehow, I had extricated myself from its snug confines during my momentary panic. Now I was on top of him, my butt crushing his ribs.

"Corin, look," I whisper, reaching out to gently turn his face towards the cub. His eyes, clouded and dozy, bulge when he sees it, staring back at us, calm as an infant on the cusp of sleep.

"Oh shit," is all Corin says, scrambling upright, dislodging me from atop him. The ground catches me with its padding of rotting leaves.

The fur around the creature's ears looks impossibly fluffy, like I'd be running my fingertips through a velvet forest. I want to pet it. "Isn't he cute?"

"Sure," Corin says, stumbling to his feet, kicking away the tangled sleeping bag. "But his mother won't be."

I ignore him. The last few days have been the worst and most uncomfortable of my life, there isn't any room for me to submit to more calamity. Jesse betrayed me. My father betrayed me. Dr Frenchwood, too, though it's debatable whether she was ever trustworthy in the first place. I realise now even my mother abandoned me, disappearing from my life like a sunrise I'm still waiting for. This adorable little fluff bundle is alone and seems friendly. Once I start stacking the betrayals into a wobbly and ever growing tower of mistrust, I'll never stop. It will be an endless game I'm drawn into, never able to relax, or put my faith in anyone else. I don't want to be that girl. Always alone, imagining disaster around every corner, pushing people away. So that is why I ignore Corin and reach for the cub, determined to prove to myself that not everything is out to get me. My world has not ended as certainly as it first seemed. I won't be sucked into a black hole of fear. The cub means no harm.

For the first time in what seems years, I giggle. It spills from my lips without warning, as the cub pads closer, sniffing for my outstretched fingers. Corin is muttering something beside me but I tune him out. Clicking my tongue, I beckon the cub nearer, murmuring soft reassurances, imagining him leaping into my lap, licking my face, never leaving my side, our faithful little companion trotting through the forest at our feet.

It's clear I need more sleep.

Then, my little friend darts to my left, as if dodging a thrown rock, disappearing into the shadows between craggy overgrown elms. I spin around to face Corin, ready to accuse, but he slowly shakes his head. He is clutching the wrinkled red sleeping bag to his chest. The golden flecks in his eyes are dark in the shadowy morning, dark as the smudges beneath his eyes, but still they glitter. With fear. Puzzled, I turn to the patch of trees where the cub slid from view. Slinking towards us -towards me- is a fully grown mountain lion.

"Nice kitty," I mumble, raising my hands in submission. I should run, but my legs won't move. Besides, if I turn my back and bolt, it will chase me. That's one thing I'm fairly certain of. The fishy scent following us from the boat is probably what drew the cats to us. I knew there was a good reason I don't like raw fish. The creature bares her teeth, sharp and yellow. She growls, and crouches as though her muscles are a catapult, primed to fire. She is going to pounce on me. Another thing I'm fairly certain of. Black dots clutter up my vision, and I feel a bit woozy. My legs turn to paper, and start to crumple beneath me. Everything goes black.

***

I wake up with a weight on my chest. I want to cry out, but remember the cougar and hold my tongue. Am I even alive? I inch my eyes open one by one. I am still in the forest clearing. Above me, a canopy of leaves sway and rustle. It must be around midday, because there's a decent amount of light pushing through. Birds whistle and chirp. I lift my head off the damp, decomposing foliage. We're alone. The cougars are gone. The weight on my chest is Corin, slumped over me like a really heavy blanket. I gently shove his shoulder.

"Corin? Why are you sleeping? Did you faint, too?"

He doesn't reply. Quickly, and with a sense of foreboding dread, I slide out from under him. My legs fizz with pins and needles. I stay in a crouch, unsure if I could even stand right now. Hands shaking, I struggle to turn him face up. He rolls onto his back, black leaves squishing under him, dirt mushing into his hair.

"Oh, freaking hell," I whine, and my hands fly to my mouth as I drink in the sight of his jacket, thrown open to display a shredded white t-shirt drenched in blood, bright red, a colour much too cheerful for the situation. The mother cougar must have gone after him. But why? I was the one standing frozen in front of it, like a moron. "Corin, wake up!" I shake his shoulder again, harder this time. His head slumps sideways but his eyes don't open. "Please be okay! You can't leave me out here alone!"

I cannot take another disaster. I've never been particularly strong, and this could finally break me.