Being a Mobster's Girlfriend

Sais

Nagising ako dahil sa sinag ng araw na tumatama sa mata ko. Ayaw ko man bumangon, pinilit ko pa rin ang sarili ko. I have this vertigo na lumalabas lang kapag sobra sa oras ang tulog ko.

It's Saturday, means no work. And Saturday means Kaide. But I doubt kung magpapakita ba siya sakin ngayon. O kung gusto ko ba siyang makita ngayon. What he did to me last night is beyond my limit. That was a hard limit for me. And I want him to know that.

And I also want him to know na hindi ako gaya ng ibang mga babae niya na sa isang salita lang niya, maghuhubad na agad. Yes I may agreed to be a mobster's girlfriend but never did I agree to be his pet.

I know I love him but I love myself too.

Lumabas ako ng kwarto at dumiretso sa kusina. It's almost lunch time kaya maghahanda ako ng heavy food para sa sarili ko. But right when I saw where I tripped last night, where I cried—I felt a sudden punch in my stomach. I closed my eyes and tried to erase the memory.

And so when I entered the kitchen, I saw a black and gold card lying on my countertop. With it is a note and a man-like penmanship.

I know you need space and time for yourself. Have fun, spend some cash on everything you like. My expense. I'm sorry.
-K.

"Tch." Napaismid ako. Is this his own way of saying sorry? You don't need to give me your precious card Kaide. Just to know you feel guilty is enough for me.

I stared at his handwriting. It was not that beautiful but not that ugly. Just like him.. his penmanship has character.

I kept the note he left me. Baka ito na ang una't huli na susulatan ako ni Kaide. He could have send me a message or voicemail or let his sumbungerong bodyguard deliver me his message. But the thought of his effort na sulatan ako gamit ang kanyang fountain pen is something that makes me feel cherished.

Maybe while he was scribbling every letter on paper, he was busy thinking of me. Maybe.. just maybe.

I didn't notice the smile forming on my lips as I tried to imagine Kaide writing this in my kitchen. Yes, little things can make me happy. And with that, I decided to go out and spend some dime.

I went out to the newest mall in the city. Pinuntahan ko lahat ng stall na makita ko. And bought everything that catches my attention. I didn't know if I was actually this materialistic at all or this was just my act of revenge to what he did to me last night. But I highly doubted if this card has its limit.

What if I buy a car? A house? A plane ticket? Or stay in a luxurius hotel?

I stared at the card on my hands. I touched the engrossed name on it with my thumb. What you do to me Kaide.

After doing shopping, I went straight to the salon to get myself pampered. I asked the hairstylist to give me a whole new look.

"Dyosa!" He clapped while looking at me in the mirror.

I smiled shyly and stared back at the reflection in the mirror. She had different hair color. Different hairstyle. She had a different aura.

"For sure maglalaway ang boyfriend mo mamaya!" He praised.

I chuckled softly. I touched the tips of my hair and the reflection in the mirror did the same. From black, my hair turned into a reddish brown color that matches my fair skin. It fell just inches lower from my shoulder, and I love how my crown hugged my face.

Matapos kong umalis sa salon, I decided to go to my fave restau and have some dinner. Alam ko namang wala na akong time para magluto sa sarili ko pagdating ko sa bahay dahil na rin sa pagod. At pagtapos kong kumain, dumiretso na ako pauwi.

Muli kong tiningnan ang phone ko. He still hasn't texted me yet. Talagang tinototoo niya ang sinabi niyang space. And I don't know if I'm liking it or not.

Nang makarating ako sa unit ko, una kong napansin ang pigura ng isang lalaking nakatayo patalikod sakin. He was wearing a faded jeans and black v-neck shirt. His hands were on his waist. And his mind was somewhere far. He was just looking at the skyscraper.

And my heart began to beat fast..

I.. I thought he was giving me some space and time?

"W-what are you doing h-here?" I stuttered.

Nilingon niya ako bago siya tuluyang humarap sa akin. And I swear, I noticed how his muscles flexed with that simple move. I gulp.

He stared at me from head to toe. At hindi ako mapakali. Like his stares were sending my body on fire. It's burning me..

"You. Look. Different." He muttered under his breath. Tila ba nilalaro ng dila niya ang huling salitang lumabas sa bibig niya.

It's raging..

"I-I.. I spent some of your cash," I whispered.

Ang mga tingin niya ay parang nanghihigop. Hinihigop nito ang mga mata ko para tumitig pabalik sa kanya. And I hate myself from being so weak when it comes to him.

A smile curved on his lips. And it was so sexy.

"Why are you here?" I asked again.

"It's late. Did you get something for dinner? I can order anything you like," he said. Definitely trying to avoid my question.

Napailing na lang ako sa sagot niya. Binato ko ang bag ko sa sofa at naglakad patungo sa kwarto. Pagod na ako.

"Lo..ryn," he mumbled softly.

"Just go home Kaide," Sagot ko. Hinarap ko siya. " I thought you're giving me time and space? Ano, hindi mo kaya? O baka naman iniisip mong ibinalandra ko na ang katawan ko sa kalye? O baka gusto mo lang ng bed warmer? At sa kinamalas-malasan, ako ang nakaschedule sayo ngayon, ganun ba ha?" Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko. Na para bang kusa na lang lumalabas ang mga salita sa bibig ko.

"Stop it."

"No. You stop." Sagot ko. I am calling all the shots here. And I am not backing down. "Ganun lang naman ako sayo diba? I am just a body you can fvck everytime you want, right?"

His eyes turned ash.

"Loryn."

"Where were the time and space you said? Akala ko naiintindihan mo na ako. Pero hindi. Hin---"

"Can't you see, I've given you time and space! Those freaking 11 hrs and 32 minutes Loryn, and that kilometers away from you. Weren't all those enough? I didn't text you nor let others followed you even God knows how freaking mad and worried  I am about you!" Nagulat ako sa sinabi niya. "I know I am not like those fvcking guys in the movies or novels that would solemnly give you months of times and space! But damn it, at least give me some credit for what I could give!"

And he immediately stormed out the room. Leaving me crying..

I cried up to bed and hugged my pillow thinking that it was the ever great Kaide Gohara I was hugging.

You confuse me a lot, Kaide Gohara. What am I to you?