Being a Mobster's Girlfriend

Singko

Katahimikan.

Tulala akong nakatingin kay Kaide. Hindi ko alam kung seryoso ba siya sa sinabi niya. Pero kailan nga ba nagbiro ang isang katulad niya?

"Ka-kaide.." I mumbled. I protectively cover myself in front of him. Na kahit nakasuot pa sa akin ang itim kong damit, pakiramdam ko hubo't-hubad ako sa paningin niya ngayon. He looked like a lion eyeing his prey.

I noticed how his jaw clenched as he saw me covering myself from him. Na para bang hindi niya maintindihan ang ginagawa ko.

"How. Dare. You." His words cut through my skin. He was still standing few feet from me but still I could feel his eminent power. I coulf feel his anger. "How. Dare. You. Loryn.."

He moved a feet closer. His slow steps were intimidating that I didn't notice my breath.

"Kai..de.."

His eyes stared mine. Sending me clearly that he was fvcking serious. That he was fvcking mad. And I hope he could see right through my eyes that I am fvcking scared too.

"How dare you.. cover yourself from me and let that fvcking as$hole see the very you." He moved closer that he was inches away. I could now smell his scent mixed with liquors. "Don't you have any idea how fvcking mad I am right now, Loryn?"

Hindi ako makapagsalita. I couldn't even move my lips. I couldn't even breathe. I couldn't even think.

"Do you know how fvckingly stupidly mad I am right now? Tell me.." Kinilabutan ako nang maramdaman ko na lang ang hininga ni Kaide sa batok ko. I didn't even notice him walked to my back! "Tell me Loryn.. Because I myself, I don't know how mad I am."

And in an instant, he ripped my dress in half! Napatili na lang ako sa gulat at takot. I tried to step away from him when I tripped on my heels. Napaupo tuloy ako sa sahig, and that was when I started shedding tears.

Fvck it Loryn. This is not what you deserve! This is not what your mom and dad wanted for you! This is not the way you imagined fairytales when you were seven! This is not love! This is suicide!

I cried silently and just let him do what he wants. But after this, hell. I won't let him treat me like this ever again. Hell, I won't let him do this.

I tried to wipe the tears on my cheeks. Loryn, you are stronger than this. Let this gangster do what he wants from you but this will be the last time. Because I am so done being the Mobster's Girlfriend.

I looked at him, still sobbing. But I hoped he could see in my face that I am ready for what he was thinking. I know I am strong, and I will show him how strong I am.

But to my shock, I noticed how his expression changed. Na parang nawala yung matinding galit sa kanya. Na parang napalitan ng gulat. He raked his hands through his hair and whispered shit. Until he compressed his self.

He squat in front of me. His eyes were showing something I barely understand. Itinaas niya ang kamay niya at inilapit sa mukha ko, pero agad ko namang iniwas ang ulo ko.

Nagulat siya sa ginawa kong pag-iwas. Huminga siya ng malalim at saka pinunasan ang pisngi ko gamit ang palad niya. And his palm was so warm beneath my cheek.

And then I watched him unbotton his sleeves. Hinubad niya 'yon at inilagay sa balikat ko. Gulong-gulo ako sa asal niya ngayon. Pero hindi ko magawang magtanong. Tahimik lang kaming dalawa.

I could harldy understand what he was thinking right now. But I still let him scoop me into his arms and placed me to bed. I was looking at his face while he was carrying me. And his face was just plain serious. His face showed nothing away.

He laid me gently onto bed. No one was speaking. Like we were afraid to break the atmosphere. Like we were too afraid to break it with our words.

Gulong-gulo ako sa pangyayari ngayon lalo na nang marahang tinanggal ni Kaide ang heels ko. I couldn't help but to melt my heart from his actions. Like he treated me as his Queen. It was the very first time Kaide did this. And heavens, I was praying and dreaming for this to happen. Pero bakit ngayong nangyayari na, hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala?

He stood half-nakedly beside my bed. I let my eyes feasted on his abs up to his godlike beauty.

Then he moved closer to my face. He was trying to kiss me but I tilted my head. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako umiwas, pero nang nakita ko ang sakit sa mga mata ni Kaide, sana pala hinayaan ko na lang siyang halikan ako.

But my heart really melt into pieces as he descended down again and kissed my forehead. I let myself savour how his lips felt on my skin. I let myself believe that I am his most treasured.

Kahit ngayon lang, hayaan ko ang sarili kong maniwala na importante ako sa kanya. Kahit ngayon lang..

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko habang dinadama ko ang halik niya sa noo ko. Now I understand why women said that forehead kisses are the sweetest. Because you know that forehead kisses are not a kiss with lust, but forehead kisses are a kiss with love that lasts.

Pero alam ko namang walang love dito. I know it. Kaide couldn't love anybody.

"Sorry." Nabingi ako nang bumulong si Kaide. At mabilis siyang lumabas ng kwarto ko.

Hindi ba ako nagi-ilusyon? Did he just say sorry?

Nang gabing iyon, niyakap ko ang damit ni Kaide. I let my system filled with his familiar scent. Niyakap ko ito ng mahigpit and I imagined it was him I was holding to. That it was him with my bed until I drifted off to sleep.

Yes, I love the great Kaide Gohara. And I know that loving him is my own kind of suicide.