Lady Rants

1am Rants: Episode One

This is just something I whip up when I can't sleep.

"Nothing is off-limits."

1. Excessive homework

I understand homework is to help us retain the lesson taught today, but it gets a little overwhelming when you have homework from basically all of your classes.

It's bad enough I can't even keep up with what homework I need to do. But again, I understand the importance of homework is to retain all information.

2. The price of school lunches

At my school, a simple lunch is licking the $2.50 mark, being just 5¢ under it. But it can really rack up if you don't pay your lunch every-damn-day. And it gets worse when you can't eat hot lunch because you're over the $10 mark.

Imagine this: You're at lunch in the nacho/taco/whateveryoucallit line, and you're getting your lunch. You get nachos with ground beef, corn, and melted cheese (mainly because that's the only thing you order and the lunch lady knows this). You get a chocolate milk and some "mouldy grapes" (imagine I wrote mouldy as moldy because I'm using the UK English instead of the US English). When you type your PIN number in and about to leave, the lunch lady informs you that you have to get a sunflower seed and jelly sandwich because you're over the $10 mark. Not wanting to embarrass yourself (even though you just did) you hand the lady your lunch in exchange for a crappy made sandwich.

That above example is what I almost went through had I not told the lady I would pay the next time. Whoops.

3. Horn dogs

I am most certainly not the only one who's both dealt with and witnessed it, and I'm 90% sure I said something about this in my other book. But I get very agitated when this happens to someone, whether I know them or not.

I'm not gonna lie: some women are drop dead gorgeous. Call me gay all you want, but it's not hurting me. I can only guess saying someone looks nice is better than catcalling them.

So I don't make more confusion, I'll use three real scenarios I've been in to explain.

Scenario #1: 8th grade

This one is a bit fuzzy in my memory, so bear with me.

I was waiting on a relative to come pick me up from play practice (that year we performed the show Hairspray (don't know why Harry Potter keeps popping up, maybe because of all the magicalness?)), and I was sitting outside the front of the school. I believe I went to the corner store down the street from the school, and came back to sit down.

I had some trash I decided needed to be placed in the trash can, so I left my stuff there to go throw away the trash. A group of boys were sitting outside by the door, so I made sure my coat hood was blocking my face. When I threw the trash away, one guys said he liked my pink headphones. I told him thank you, and began to walk away. A second dude called out (and I shit you not):

"I like your mouth, can I see what it do?"

Bitch whet?

Either I was not gonna get in a fight, or I thought myself too good for that, I walked back towards my stuff and sat down.

2. Outside a Wawa store

For those of you not familiar with the store, a Wawa store is basically a convenient store that has food.

I remember this one as well as the next one pretty clear, but I'm keeping them short because I'm getting confused as hell.

A guy friend and I (we'll call this guy St, as it his the first letters of his name.) were standing outside of the Wawa near our high school (we had marching band practice that day, and we were waiting for our other friends). As we were waiting, two guys on bikes showed up, and were standing outside with my friend and I (note I didn't say that I knew them, surprise surprise).

They walked over to the window (where I was standing near, not blocking the view) and started making comments. Here's a little on what they said:

"If I was 18, I'd tap that."

"Damn, that 'thang' (I hate that word.) is fat."

Expectation: Two attractive guys in some sexy voice Idontknow.

Reality: Two high school horn dogs that will probably be those types of boyfriends. You know what I mean.

Another one of my friends (a guy friend (we'll call this guys Mi, for the same reasons above as St)) came out the store as they were saying these things, and immediately going off on them. Mostly for no reasons, but he's that kind of boyfriend that protects his girl from creepers.

The two horn dogs told Mi that they weren't talking about his girlfriend, but another woman in the store. This gave me the opportunity to look inside the store and see the woman, who had a very curvy body.

I can't remember where the boys went, but the rest of the Perry came out of the store and we walked back to the school.

3. Where walking down to the bathrooms isn't even save anymore.

I'm now starting to see why women and girls go to the bathroom in pairs. 'Cause shit like this happens.

I can remember this pretty well as well, because I'm 97% sure my friend LB didn't hear it.

All "joking" aside, my friend LB is a very pretty lady, and I very much envy her. And Imma stop here because that's a subject I'm not touching up on no thanks.

LB and I were in a play at our high school. It was called Dirty Laundry (good luck trying to find the actual play and not the song.), and we were at a scene in practice where we did not have an appearance. She asked me to walk with her to the bathroom and I (being a person who busts her hump for people) said okay.

So we're walking (or in this case rushing) down the hall to the bathroom where two athlete dudes show up.

I'm stopping the story here for a moment to describe something for you, because it'll come in handy later. I'm a smaller person than LB, so naturally I follow her. Because we were rushing, I had to really keep up with her. Back to the story now.

Not paying any mind to them, LB continues on ahead and I follow. One of the two dudes (I believe the one to the left of us) said something very close to this:

"You know I'd like to bust a nut-"

I had to do everything in my will to write those words above. Polka don't wanna write that crap.

I -assuming we both heard what he said- rushed ahead to get away, and LB followed.

If you want more info on the above two, either check the rant before or wait until I can better explain them. I'm getting really tired right now.

Going to sleep now,

LadyPolka

UPDATE: I apologise the fact that this was everywhere. Not even I know what's going on in this rant.