My First Love Story

Last Year of Middle School

In the 3rd year of middle school. We were in the same class. Year 3 Class 1. When I need to focus and forget him, we got in the same class. Such a luck. Our sit were close to each other too. He was next to my row and sat next to the window. I sat a bit behind from him. You know. When you like someone, you just want to stared at them. That's what I do. Call me crazy. I can't do anything about that. It's because I like him so much. I noticed something. I never tell you his full name. His name's Matsukawa Wataru. There. Now you know his name. I remembered this particular day. The period at that time was history if I'm not wrong. I was staring at him like always. You know. When you don't want to get caught by the teacher, you need to be careful and pretended you were focus. I do that. Ah. Don't get mad. I'll continue my story now. I was staring at him. Maybe he noticed that or just my illusion or just a mere coincidence. I looked my textbook back and listen to the lesson. After a few minutes, I looked at him again. He stared at me. Because I felt embarrassed I stared at my textbook back. I look at him again to confirm it. He's looking at me with a smile at his face. Maybe he was saying something like 'I know you were staring me'. I'm sure my face was bright red at that time. I think that was one of the happy moments I encountered. Ah. I forget tell you that I always gave him love letter or an admiration letter when we were in 1st year and 2nd year middle school and there is a moment that I can't forget. I gave him a letter. I don't gave him in person. I asked one of my friends to hand it over to him. In that letter. If I remember. I told him that I want to try to give up in 3rd year because of Mika, one of my friends said that I need to give up. I said 'Okay. I'll try'. 'You need to give up. He always ignore you. Don't give him any other chance to hurt you'. Mika said. What a good friend. I'll try. Trust me. I'll try. I said it to myself. Back to the story. At that day too, we had P.E class. My friend that help me, Aika, told me this. 'You know. After I gave Matsukawa the letter, Kurosawa took it and ate it'. She said. All of you probably think that Kurosawa Yoshiro like me. No. The answer is no. Both Wataru and Yoshiro are friend and cousin. Born on the same day and the best thing is that Yoshiro born a few minutes earlier. I repeat myself, a few minutes earlier than Wataru. So, maybe he knew that Wataru doesn't like me. So, he ate it. He doesn't want Wataru to read it. It's hurt me more than usual. He doesn't read it. He doesn't know the contents. Maybe at the same time Yoshiro doesn't want to hurt me too. He know that Wataru will throw it to the basket bin or show it to other person. I kept on being too positive when I know the answer will be a negative. I kept deceiving myself. Being an optimist when the real me was a pessimist. I will be an optimist when it comes to him. Other than that, I was a pessimist. When will I change. I wonder.

I know this is soon. But as the time goes by. I really need to stop for awhile and focus for my exam. I'll update as fast I can.