A Blue Neighbourhood ••Tronnor

HEAVEN

A/N: Okay I'm pretty tired when writing this so I hope it's alright... Remember that this is only an AU, none of this has happened and this isn't the people's opinions in real life!
Kind of sad warning

***

-Connor

I couldn't help but let my smile die when my boyfriend Troye's phone rang. We were in the middle of a pretty hot - if you ask me - make out session in the messy bed of mine. But then that goddamn phone had to scream the disturbingly loud signal.

I rolled my eyes when Troye didn't deny the call, he answered the phone with a simple gesture that told me to 'wait a second'.

"Hey dad"

I fell back to sit down with my legs crossed in front of me.

"No, I'm with a friend... Yeah, Kayla", he said and gave me a worried look. I gave him a weak smile but when he looked away I rolled my eyes. I knew that Troye hadn't came out as gay to his family and that they didn't like the whole lgbt+ community, since they were very strict with their religion. Which also resulted in them not liking me, since I was open about my sexuality.

"Okay", Troye spoke. "I'll be there"

They hung up and he put his phone down on the bed. Troye gave me a sad look.

"I have to go home", he said with a faked smile.

"That's fine", I was already turned off, there was no meaning to pretend and keep on with our business, because we were clearly done for now.

"Is something wrong?", my love asked me. Did he really not see what's wrong?

"You're seriously asking me that when you just lied to your father because he can't stand us being together?", I said to Troye, noticing that my voice got a pitch higher because of my anger.

"Look, baby, I'm sorry..", he started but I cut him off.

"Don't bother to call me that if only I can hear it"

He opened his mouth to say something but decided to close it and keep quiet. He had nothing to say to defend himself, and I started to feel sorry for snapping at him but I had to speak my mind. And the truth was that living this way gave me anxiety.

"Troye, it feels like we're living a lie. We have to hide when we are together and I can't even call you when I want because your family might be there", I told him.

"I-I didn't know you were feeling that way", he said quietly.

"Of course you didn't, I never said anything because I didn't want to hurt you. I don't want to live without you, but I can't be with you if we have to sneak with our relationship", as I said it I felt my eyes water, but I forced myself not to cry.

"Connor, I'm sorry, but you know I can't tell my family about us"

"Why can't you? Are you ashamed of me?", regret filled me as fast as I had said it, I knew why Troye didn't tell his parents. I knew that I had crossed a line when I asked if he was ashamed of me.

"No...", the word was nothing more than a whisper, and the water in his eyes now flowed down his cheeks. "You know that I would tell them if I could, but I can't!"

"Why can't you? They have to accept you for who you are!", I said, knowing I only made it worse with not shutting up.

"Yeah, I guess they'll have to accept it someday. But I don't want to be that one who's different from all my family, I don't want to be the misfit!", Troye said, tears dripping down his cheeks, but now also down mine. I knew I should've kept silent but for some reason the words just flowed out of my mouth.

"You think I'm the misfit of my family?", I said. I could feel the tears create a lump in my throat.

"No, Connor I didn't mean it that way!", it broke my heart to see him this sad. But I couldn't make my body reach out and pull him into my arms.

"I just..." He tried again but his words got lost.

"Don't", I told him. "I know what you mean, I know you have your beliefs and I have mine, and I know you think that there's something wrong with you. But let me tell you that you are absolutely perfect!"

Now I was standing in front of him. I finally managed to control my body, and I didn't know what to do. I gripped his arms to make him face me.

"Connor it's not just that", he said and looked away from me.

"Then what is it? Tell me"

"I... I have one goal in my life", he mumbled. "I want to create a family"

His eyes met mine and tears rolled down both our cheeks.

"Connor, the thing I want most in this life is to be a father to a bunch of healthy children"

I was speechless. There was no words, because I had thought the exact same thing.

"And now I really have to get home, so would you mind letting go of my arms?", he said, trying to make his eyes stop watering.

"Troye...", I tried but let my arms fall from the grip of his arms to the sides of my body.

"Thank you", he said shortly before picking up his phone and leaving me alone in my apartment. I sank down in my bed.

There was nothing I could do to change the way we were right now. He didn't accept himself for loving me, which made me part of the reason why he felt bad about himself.

He believed in something bigger than himself, something that wouldn't accept him if he was different.

He wanted to get to heaven. And he believed that he had to change himself to get there. That was the problem.

I lied down in my bed and squeezed my eyes shut to keep the tears from falling.

I felt nothing, I was empty.

Why did it have to be this way?