A Soul For Sale Or Rent

But In Hope I Breathe

Billie looked at him with wide eyes. "D-Dinner?"

Brian pretended to be studying the wooden model closely. "Yeah.. dinner.. but you don't have to come if you don't want to, I-I understand." He looked down and sighed. "I didn't actually mean to tell you that, I knew you'd say no. It just slipped out."

Billie was looking at her hands. He invited her to his house, he wanted to spend more time with her, he really wanted to be around her more. But.. he didn't mean to invite her, it had only slipped out. What did all of this mean? It was confusing her and she didn't really like that feeling, she didn't know what he thought of her and it made her nervous. Was she only someone he had to spend time with or did he want to spend time with her? He was doing all those contradicting things and she didn't know what to say. Billie sighed. "So.. you don't want me to come to your house? That's okay.. I-I understand that, I know we're just doing this project together, don't feel like you have to meet up with me. I'm used to that.."

He turned his head and let his eyes wander over her, studying her closely. There it was again, that feeling. She looked so sad and helpless, he wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around her and hold her close, bring her into a world of safety, something she didn't seem to know. He had noticed that over the past couple of weeks. She was always tense, always alert and looking around her to make sure she didn't miss anything. She flinched at every noise, everytime someone near them raised their voice, everytime something flew in their direction. And it hurt him a little deep inside everytime she showed those signs of discomfort. He wanted to help her, and it made him so happy that see seemed to trust him. She had gotten more and more relaxed around him with every hour they spent together and he couldn't think of much that made him smile more than when she let him touch her, when she trusted him. "No.. I didn't mean it like that.." He tried to find the right words to explain himself to her, but it was hard.

It was her turn to look at him now. He was so handsome, from top to bottom. There was his hair that always looked so soft that she always had to hold herself back because she wanted to run her fingers through it, to feel if it really was as soft as it looked. Then there were his eyes, his eyes that always looked at her so attentively and compassionately it felt like he was staring right into her soul. But she didn't mind that. Looking in his eyes didn't make her as uncomfortable as it would with anyone else. Her eyes wandered down to the crook of his neck, a spot that seemed perfect for leaning her head against it and cuddling close to him. Of course she was never going to actually do that, but a girl could dream.. She dreamed of that just like she dreamed of her arms around him. None of that was ever going to happen though. She sighed a little disappointed.

He turned to face her again. "I didn't mean to make it sound like I don't want you to come to my house, I do. I just don't want you to feel like you have to come. My Mum.. Well I told her that I'm doing this project with you and she always wants to meet the people I meet up with so I just thought.. dinner.." He smiled timidly and quickly glanced at his hands again.

She smiled back at him. "I-I think dinner sounds nice, I just don't know if I can come.. I-I'm busy.." Her smile faded and she looked down. There was that excuse again, busy. When was he going to stop believing that? Apparently he was going to stop believing that now, because he looked at her closely. "You're busy? I didn't even tell you when and you're busy?"

She gulped and looked down. "Y-Yeah.."

Brian shook his head a little. "No.. be honest. I'm sorry, but you always say that.. n-not that I don't believe you can be busy, but you've been saying that for the past two weeks, you can't be busy every day.. right? It can be a Saturday or Sunday too, it doesn't matter."

She glanced at him nervously. He didn't believe her anymore, and why should he? She wasn't actually busy, she just never could be out except for school. It was her life and it had never been a problem until now because there was no reason for her to go out apart from school. Now there was and she didn't know how she could explain it to her father. He was never even going to listen to her, there was no way he would let her leave the house, and if she snuck out he would notice and not let her back inside. She didn't even want to think about the consquences that would follow sneaking out. She looked down at her lap and sighed. "I'm sorry. I-I don't know how else to explain it. I want to come but I can't."

"What do you mean you can't? Are you not allowed to visit friends?" He looked at her, trying to understand what she was telling him, because it didn't really make sense to him.

"Y-Yeah.. That's a good explanation." She looked down, chewing on her lip. She was so close to telling him more why she couldn't come, but she wasn't sure he'd understand and she didn't want him to be freaked out by her. She didn't want to lose him.

"But there's more, isn't there?" Brian inquired, hoping she realise how much he cared and open up to him more.

She shrugged and nodded a little. "Yeah, but I'll try to come, okay? I'll be there tomorrow." She thought about what her father had told her. She knew he would be out on Saturday night like always, and probably get home drunk, which means if she was very quiet she could sneak back in afterwards. It was worth a shot and Brian made it worth a lot more. She wanted to spend time with him, and he was worth the consequences that might follow if she didn't manage to sneak back quiet enough or if one of her sisters caught her. He was worth whatever was going to happen to her after that.