The Bucket List [Harry Styles fanfic]

Chapter 30

1. Cliff diving **COMPLETE**

2. Go to London

3. Get a pet dog **COMPLETE**

4. Have an excuse to scream YOLO **COMPLETE**

5. meet someone famous **COMPLETE**

6. learn to play an instrument **COMPLETE**

7. have a flashmob

8. go to an amusement park **COMPLETE**

9. write a song **COMPLETE**

10. Fall in love

Today is June 28, about 15 weeks left. I can't help but feel a wave of depression wash over me as I think about what is going to happen. But, I also feel happy as I think about how many things I've done in the past 37 weeks.

If i had the choice to go back and make my cancer go away, I honestly don't think I would. I've had so many great experiences and an unexpected and great relationship through this experience.

Dating Harry was one of the best and hardest decisions I have ever made. It was one of the best for obvious reasons, but also because he has helped me through so much in my life and he, in a way, has kept me truly alive longer. He helped me experience parts of life that I have never experienced, andprobably never would have if it wasn't for him. He's helped me realize that no matter what happens he, and the rest of my friends and family, will be with me no matter what. They won't be leaving anytime soon.

It was also the hardest because I hated the thought of loving someone when I only have one year to spend with them. If it wasn't for Harry I probably would have tried my hardest to avoid men so I wouldn't have a chance of falling in love.

I feel so selfish. I feel like I'm taking away Harry's happy ending. He told me that he wanted me to be his forever but that will never happen. I feel awful that I love a guy, and he loves me, when we can't be together forever. I'm robbing Harry of what he deserves and that a girl that will always be there to love him.

He always tells me that it's fine and that he would rather spend this year with me than forever with somebody else. But I see in his eyes that it's sometimes hard for him believe that. I do believe without a doubt that he loves me but I can tell that he wishes everything was different. I see it in the way he looks at older couples. He will look at them and then look at me with a look of sadness. He doesn't know that I see it but I know how much he wants to start a family with the love if his life.

It pains me to see the sadness in his eyes but I know that he would bever leave me. He has reminded me time and time again that no matter how hard it is for him to lose me he would never leave me. He would stick by my side through thick and thin, through the good and bad times. He is a really strong guy and I'm glad that I met a guy like him. He's my everything.

I grab Elmo off the ground as he walks around the hotel room. I cuddle him in my arms as tears slowly start falling. He licks the salty tears from my face causing me to laugh. I cuddle with Elmo as I think about everything that has happened to me. I'm doing a lot of thinking today.

I think about all the stuff that I've been able to do in the last 37 weeks. 7/10 of the things on my bucket list are completed already and that just amazes me. I'm so glad that I have been able to do so many things and I haven't just been sitting wasting away. It's hard sometimes to get the motivation to do anything. When that happens I just think about how little time I have and how many things there are to do.

I jump out of bed, scaring Elmo in the process. I suddenly have a great idea for a song. I grab a pencil and a piece of paper and write down what came to my mind.

(A/N When the sand runs out by Rascal Flatts... I changed some of the 'man's  to girl or woman so it works better with her. song on the side:)

I spent the morning at an old friend's grave

Flowers and Amazing Grace, he was a good man

He spent his whole life spinnin' his wheels

Never knowin' how the real thing feels

He never took a chance or took the time to dance

And I stood there thinking as I said goodbye

Today is the first day of the rest of my life

I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on

And learn how to face my fears

Love with all of my heart, make my mark

I wanna leave something here

Go out on a ledge, with out any net

That's what I'm gonna be about

Yeah I wanna be runnin'

When the sand runs out

'Cause people do it everyday

Promise themselves they're gonna change

I've been there, but I'm changin' from the inside out

That was then and this is now

I'm a new woman, yeah, I'm a brand new woman

And when they carve my stone they'll write these words

"Here lies a girl who lived life for all that its worth"

And as the cold wind blows across the graveyard

I think I hear the voice of my old friend whisper in my ear

I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on

Learn how to face my fears

Love with all of my heart, make my mark

I wanna leave something here

Go out on a ledge, with out any net

That's what I'm gonna be about

Yeah I wanna be runnin'

When the sand runs out      

I look at the paper that is covered in my writing. You can see the times when I erased words to make it sound better. You can also see the fading tear marks on the paper. 

This song shows that I'm not ready for cancer to completely overtake me. I want to keep fighting and do everything possible to finish my bucket list and maybe do more. 

AUTHOR'S NOTE!!

There is absolutly no talking in this chapter!! ohhh well! 

ok so 5 seconds of summer were having a concert in Chicago (by where I live) and me and my friend wanted to get tickets but THEY SOLD OUT IN LIKE 3 MINUTES!!! I wanted to cry!!! 

Well any wayyy... the new ship name for Harry and Erin is........ HARIN!! 

So hows your lives going?!

LOVE YOU ALL!! 

thanks so much for all the votes, follows, comments, and reads it means a lot to me <3 

~Kayla