The Bucket List [Harry Styles fanfic]

SAD ENDING!!

**These are some songs that you can listen to while you read this :) Forever ~Rascal Flatts; Over You ~Miranda Lambert; Terrible Things ~Mayday Parade; See You Again ~Carrie Underwood**

HARRY'S POV

It's been one week. One week since the best thing that ever happened to me was taken away from me by cancer. One week of pain, tears, and total heartbreak. One week of just sitting alone in my house with nothing to do but cry and think of her. I ended up heading beack to London to be with my family. I couldn't stand being in Chicago where her body was buried and I needed the comfort of family. I'm thankful that they postponed the rest of the tour for a while longer but it would be nice to have something to do to get my mind off her. Words can't even describe the emptiness that I feel inside. 

If only we didn't go to Chicago that day. Maybe if we didn't go on the ferris wheel none of this would have happened. I can't help but blame myself for her death. If only we wouldn't have done any of those things. Maybe I would be better off if I never met her... No that's not true she was the best thing that ever happened to me, even if I didn't get to hold her for as long as I would have liked.

Do I regret meeting her? No, I honestly don't. All of the pain in the world couldn't make me regret meeting her or asking her to be my girlfriend. Nothing at all. Do I regret staying with her when I found out that she had cancer? No, I just regret the week that I wasted without her. She needed me and I needed her even if I was always afraid to totally admit it. Do I regret saying 'I love you'? No, I just regret how long it took me to say it. I should have been able to just man up and say a long time ago but I was so scared to say it to someone who would leave me. 

My thoughts change to her. Her smile, eyes, laugh, face, personality, everything. I think about all of her imperfections that she hated but I loved. She hated that her teeth weren't perfect and how her hair was sometimes hard to handle but I loved everything about her, including those things. In my eyes she was perfect in everyway. I love how she was never afraid to be herself and that she was willing to have that totally natural relationship. She liked the fancy and super romantic things that I did for her but she was just as happy with ordering a pizza and playing video games. 

She didn't let things bring her down. Not even cancer. She was one of the strongest people I've ever met. She must have gotten it from her mother because the both of them have been through so much and yet they are still going strong. I wonder how her mom is doing. She has not had an easy life at all and now she has to loose her only family that remained. Erin's father was still alive but I can hardly call him a husband our father after what he's done to them. The thought of her mom sitting in an empty home alone breaks my heart even farther. 

My thoughts are inturrupted as I hear someone knocking lightly on the door. I slowly stand up and wipe my tears away before I head over to the door. I slowly reach my hand to the doorknob and turn it slowly. I open the door to reveal Louis and Eleanor standing there. Their red eyes tell me that they have been crying also. "Hey Harry," Louis says as I move aside so they can come in. 

"Hey Louis. Hey Eleanor," I say softly as I go sit on the couch. They follow me to the couch and take a seat on either side of me. I'm glad that my friends want to come see me but at the moment I would rather be alone. "No offense but why are you here?" 

"We know that you want to be alone so we won't stay for long but we have something to give you," El says as she pulls something out of her purse. "Erin gave this to me a little while before she died and told me to give it to you when she went." She hands me a small blue book that has the words 'All because two people fell in love' written across the front of it with a small picture of me and her on the cover. Just seeing the picture made fresh tears come to my eyes.