Hate is a strong word, but I still hate you.

Chapter ten, Unstable mothers

*Taylor's POV*

   I could feel Rayne drifting away, why?
   I was about to let her stay with Jess when she called out;
   "Wait." I turned and looked back at her to see her staring at me. My stomach was burning and I hoped Rayne wouldn't notice the pain I was trying to hide.
   "What?" It came out harsher than intended but also my voice was very gravelly.
   "Stay." Her voice pleaded. I made my way over to the bed and she curled up into me, her head on my chest. She was shivering. I wrapped my arms around her and she returned the gesture.
   Rayne slowly fell asleep and my mind wandered to the conversation I had with Jess downstairs.

   "I went to your show in New York once." She'd said.
   "What did you think?" I asked.
   "Oh my God! I'm in the same room as Taylor Swift." She flushed a deep shade of scarlet and I laughed.
   "What are you thinking now?"
   "Pretty much the same."
   "Do you want my autograph?" I said sarcastically.
   "Maybe on my adoption papers." She mumbled. I don't think she meant for me to hear her because when I said 'okay' she flipped. She looked up and stared at me.
   She jumped into my arms and cried.
   "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." She murmured.
   I pulled out of the hug because her hip was rubbing against my stomach. Even though the purple of my stomach had lightened it still hurt.
   The look in Jess' eyes was also hurt.
   "My stomach," I said, putting my hand to it, "It's quite sensitive at the moment." I told her.
   "I know. I've seen the pictures." She began chewing at her stubby nails and I held her hand away. "Sorry, it's a nervous habit."
   "You have no reason to be nervous."
   "It's not being here it's ... Something else." She rubbed at her eyes and tried desperately not to cry.
   "It's okay." I whispered, gently pulling her into a hug.
   "It's not." She'd whispered.
   "What's wrong?" I asked, rubbing her hair.
   "I'm ... It was an accident ... I didn't do it on purpose ... He forced me to ... I'm pregnant." She cried whilst I continued to twirl her brown shoulder length hair around my forefinger.
   Tears poured from her crystal green eyes.
   "I shouldn't have even told you." She wept.
   "It's fine sweetie. I'm here." I didn't know what I would do exactly but I was trying to comfort her.
   She yawned and I showed her to Rayne's room.

   I snapped out of my haze and snuggled closer to Rayne. Her breath making a warm circle on my chest.
   Like a lullaby, the warmth of each breath pulled me deeper into sleep and when I finally succeeded my dreams were once again quiet.

   When I woke up Rayne had gone but Jess was still asleep.
   I showered and changed into some leggings and a black top. I found Rayne in the kitchen. She had an open protein shake at her side and was pushing porridge around in a bowl.
   "We had porridge in?" I asked, knowing we didn't.
   "I bought some oats and made a pan full, it's Jess' favourite." She gestured to the hob, where a huge pan sat then dropped the spoon noisily into the bowl and jumped out of the chair.
   "Where are you going?" I asked as she left the kitchen.
   "To pick out a first day back at school outfit." She shouted from halfway up the stairs.
   Today was Sunday though. Maybe she meant for tomorrow. I helped myself to a bowl of Rayne's porridge.
   It was really good, just the right temperature, consistency and sweetness.
   Whilst I was eating Jess came in and her eyes lit up when she saw the breakfast. She sat down opposite me and laid her head on the table.
   "Tired?" I asked.
   "School." Was all she mumbled. Rayne flounced into the kitchen and sat down.
   "I picked out what I'm gonna wear tomorrow." She said. She jumped up and made a bowl of porridge for Jess, who happily accepted and began taking small bites. "I can't tell you what it is though."
   "Rayne. All you own is jeans, leggings and black tops." I pointed out.
   "So." I rolled my eyes and went back to my breakfast.
   A sudden nauseous feeling washed over me and I held my stomach. After it passed I washed my half eaten porridge down the sink and unstably made my way back to my seat. I could feel the sweat running down my back and I was very lightheaded.
   I belched and it brought porridge up with it. I swallowed it down. It stayed in my throat and it was coming back up.
   My throat let out and audible retch. Rayne looked over and I gripped the table.
   "Taylor?" Rayne asked. I looked down and waited for the nausea to pass. "Taylor, you're pale." I felt Rayne's hand on my shoulder and I shook my head, sliding past her and running to the bathroom.
   I leaned over the toilet and my stomach clenched. I screamed before my cry of pain was cut off by vomit. Rayne was by my side in a second.
   She rubbed my back and I coughed my guts up. It even came out of my nose! That was horrible, it burned so much.
   I heard Rayne giggle when it did come out of my nose but she stopped after a second.
   It took a while but I stopped vomiting.
   "Taylor, you need to get a wash." Rayne said. It was true, I don't know how but I got vomit in my hair, the short blonde strands were tied up.
   "You'll have to go away then." I said.
   "Are you crazy? You're not well enough to be left alone. You could faint and drown."
   "But you'll see me---" She waved her hand to shush me.
   "Taylor Alison Swift you are getting a bath right now! Besides I will not see you naked. Anyway it's nothing I haven't seen before." Her sudden tone of voice shocked me and I began laughing, even though it brought back the memory of last week.
   "Only my mom uses my full name. She uses it when I'm in trouble." She raised her eyebrows at me and put her hands on her hips.
   "You are in trouble, young lady." She sat me on the edge of the bath and slipped my sweaty, vomit coated top over my head.
   I held onto her shoulders whilst she peeled off my leggings then waited for the bath to fill up.
   When it did she lowered me into the water and rubbed soap into a sponge.
   "I told you I wouldn't see you naked." She smirked. It's true, she made me keep my bra and underwear on. She washed around my neck and shoulders. Then my arms.
   "I feel like I'm at a spa." I pointed out.
   "Yeah, well, you're not, I'm afraid." She began to carefully rub my greyish stomach. "At least this is fading. Give it a few more days." She sat me up and scrubbed my back down the washed away at my legs. When she finished on leg one the nausea came back.
   I sat up and leant forwards. I quickly leant over to the sink as a small batch of vomit came out.
   When my stomach relaxed I laid back into the water and Rayne washed my other leg.
   "This is probably the weirdest thing I've ever done." I said.
   "Really?" She looked over at me. "So you didn't make Popsicle stick castles when you were younger?"  She poked the scar on my thigh from where I'd burnt myself on a hot glue gun growing up.
   As a child I used to make castles from Popsicle sticks for my toy bears. One day I decided they needed a slide so I ran up to the attic and plugged in the hot glue gun.
   As I was gluing one of the sticks the glue fell from the gun onto my leg. I grabbed it and ripped it off, taking about twenty layers of skin with it.
   This was the scar that Rayne was poking now.
   "No." I laughed nervously. She grabbed the shampoo and washed the vomit from my hair. Then applied conditioner and rinsed it out. She grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me before she had to practically drag me to my room. 
   She chose some clothes from my closet and gave me five minutes to change. I hurriedly changed undergarments then pulled on the clothes she'd thrown at me. She had picked out more leggings and a black top. She knocked on the door before she came in and made me lay down.

*Rayne's POV*

   I forced Taylor to lay down. She is clearly unstable at the minute. I brushed her hair and she slowly fell asleep. A moment or so after she did a sharp knock at the door woke her back up.
   "Stay here." I ordered, putting a trash can next to her in case she threw up.
   I ran downstairs and answered the door.
   "Hi!" I said. It was Jess' mom, Carol.
   "Jessica!" Carol yelled.
   "Mom, how did you know I was here?" Jess asked, coming to the door. I heard Taylor gasp behind us and Carol glared at her.
   "How did I know? It was all over the news! And you!" She spat, pushing past me and stomping over to Taylor.
   I ran in front of her and blocked Taylor from Carol. I knew how vicious Carol could be sometimes.
   "You kidnapped my daughter!" Carol yelled.
   "No." Taylor mumbled. "She was just staying the night." I knew Taylor was lying and so did Carol.
   "You're unbelievable. Rayne I'm sorry you have this worthless piece of shit for a mother. You can come and stay with me if you want." 
   "She's not worthless, she's my mother and I love her!" I yelled.
   "Whatever!" Carol turned to face Jess as Taylor wrapped her arms around me from behind.
   "Mom, please-" Jess was cut off by Carol slapping her across the face.
   "You tramp! You get yourself pregnant and don't even tell me! You're grounded and don't think it's staying with me in my house when it's born."
   "It's not my fault." Jess cried.
   "Oh, so you just fell over an got pregnant did you?" Carol asked sarcastically.
   "I WAS RAPED! RYAN RAPED ME OKAY!" Jess was yelling at the top of her lungs now. Taylor wrapped her arms around me tighter and I turned to face her, snaking my arms around her waist.
   I saw Carol grab Jess by the hair and drag her away. Then Taylor gripped me so tightly I almost couldn't breathe. I looked up and tears were streaming from her eyes. The front door slammed and with that Taylor sat down on the stairs. I held her whilst she cried, resting my head on her shoulder.
   "It's okay." I whispered. She was shaking, I could tell she was terrified.
   "You don't really think that do you?" She asked.
   "Think what?"
   "What she said, that I'm a worthless piece of-" she cried even more.
   "No." In the heat of the moment is called her 'mother' and now, trying to say the word, it seemed easier.
   "Thanks." One of her hands cupped the back of my head as she cried whilst the other gripped the back of my shirt.
   "It's okay mmm ... Taylor." I tried but I couldn't, the word just wouldn't form. "You know Jess once said you look like a watermelon when you cry. Ever since we've refered to you as 'watermelon' and nobody would know what we were talking about." She laughed a little before more tears flooded out.
   "Do I look like one now?" She asked.
   "I don't know, I can't see your face. You're to busy crushing me." I laughed.
   "Sorry." Her grip loosened but she didn't let go fully. "Her mother was very unstable, don't you think?"
   "Very. She's on pretty much every drug out there and sleeps around a lot she has three kids but two moved out. Their house is really nice it's just Carol."
   "She asked me to adopt her." Taylor said.
   "I'm not surprised. She's a massive Swiftie, you should see her room." Taylor laughed.
   "How did you put up with her, being a Katycat and all?"
   "We've been best friends since forever. I actually loved your songs until the feud but in offending Katy you offended her kittens too. Jess just picked you, I mean we've alway fought over who was better. We were actually arguing about that when you hit me with your car." Words tumbled out of my mouth like word vomit.
   "Sorry for hitting you with my car." Taylor said.
   "It's okay, I forgive you mom."