Hate is a strong word, but I still hate you.

Chapter twenty, Is Rayne okay?

*Taylor's POV*

Rayne cried and I put my arms around her.
"I'm sorry I shouted." She whispered.
"It's okay."
"Taylor, I'm scared."
"Why?"
"I-I-I can't say." She moaned and pulled away. Her hands held her lower stomach and she leaned forwards. She was gasping for air.
"Rayne, what happened?" She shook her head and began rocking back and forth. "Rayne." I said more sternly. She sucked in a sharp breath.
"No." She whispered.
"Rayne tell me." I lift her face so our eyes made contact.
"I don't want to." She said. More tears streamed out.
"Rayne please. I can't help if I don't know what's wrong."
She took a deep breath and held my gaze. After a long pause she finally spoke. "I'm sorry, I can't." She stood up and ran. I chased after her and found her in my room. She had her arms wrapped around one of my pillows. The tea towel was on the floor and the blood has stopped coming out of her arm.
I carefully took the pillow from her arms and replaced it with myself.
"I miss the smell of your perfume." She said, snuggling closer.

We stayed like that all night. When I woke up my arms tightened around Rayne then let her go as I went to pee.
All I've done lately is pee. I guess that it's a downside to being pregnant. I washed my hands and stepped out of the bathroom. Rayne was just stepping out of my room. She walked straight into me then went into the bathroom.
I don't think she even noticed. I went downstairs and grabbed a jar of pickles. I've been craving the weirdest things ever lately. I tried to pry the jar open but couldn't.
Rayne came into the kitchen and laughed at me.
"What?" She popped open the jar in a second and laughed more. "How ...?" She shrugged.
I finished off the jar and looked for a second.
"Taylor don't." Rayne said.
"But Taylor two likes them." I said.
"You're calling it Taylor?" Rayne asked.
"Shh. Don't listen to her." I said to my slight bump.
I found a second jar and failed at opening that one too. Rayne held out her hand and I gave her the jar.
"Thank you." I said childishly. She popped it open and handed it back. I ate all of those too.
"You're disgusting." Rayne said.
"I love you too." I said sarcastically. "I think we need more though." Rayne walked away. I threw out the jars and followed her. She was in the front room.
I sat down and pulled her into a hug.
"Taylor." She said. I kissed her forehead and rest my head on hers. "Taylor." She said.
"Yes."
"Your breath stinks."
"Good." I blew in her face. She pushed away from me and ordered me to brush my teeth. "Yes mother." I said as I went upstairs.
I brushed my teeth and peed again. When I went downstairs Rayne had gone. I called her.
"Hey." She said.
"Where are you?"
"I've gone to get changed."
"Okay."
"I'm getting you a surprise too."
"Yay."
"I'll be back in about twenty minutes." She hung up.
I went and sat on the sofa, flicked on law and order and almost fell asleep.
The door clicked and Rayne ambled in with several plastic bags. She put them down in front of me.
"Surprise." She put the bags down then took two of them up to her room.
"What did you buy?" I asked when she came back down.
"I got myself some books. I've read all of mine."
"I have an entire bookshelf." I pointed out. Her face went red.
"I've read them all." She whispered.
"That's a lot of books."
"Look at your presents." She said. I looked. One of the bags had several jars of pickles in it and the other three had cans of the squirtable whipped cream. My guilty pleasure. I popped open the lid and spurted it directly into my mouth.
"Child." I heard Rayne mutter.
"I know." She laid down and after a few minutes was asleep. Perfect.
I squirted cream over ever bit of her face and took a picture. I then uploaded it to Twitter.
My beautiful baby girl is taking a nap. Cream face masks are all the rage now, I hear.
I snapped a picture of myself with the bottle of cream and posted that along with it too. I tagged Rayne in it and hurried off to bed, after putting the groceries away.
Ten minutes later there was a scream and Rayne stomped up the stairs. There was the sound of running taps in the sink and I assumed Rayne was cleaning her face.
She threw my door open she walked over then whipped her hand out from behind her back and squirted cream in my face.
"I win." She said, tossing the can at me. When she turned to leave I scooped up some cream and threw it at her. It all entangled in her hair.
She spun around, clearly livid.
"Taylor!" She spat. Oops. "I was going to get a bath anyway." She started laughing. "Hahaha the look on your face then." She left and ran a bath. I stripped the sheets from my bed and dragged them downstairs. They would all need washing now.
After that I went into our hopefully still shared room. I'd gotten so used to her being there that when she wasn't I couldn't sleep.
The plastic bags she had brought up rustled as I closed the door. Something shifted inside one of them and the contents spilled out.
I began to absentmindedly put things back, they were all books, when I came across a long cuboid.
I glanced down at it. Pregnancy test. There were three. I put them back into the bag and stumbled backwards.
The door opened and Rayne walked in.
"What's up?" Rayne asked.
"Why ... Why ... Rayne, why do you have pregnancy tests? You've never even been in a relationship with a guy."
"Get out." Rayne looked to the side and waited until I left. Tears slipped over her cheeks and once I was out the door clicked locked.
Twenty minutes later she came out of her room and went downstairs. The front door clicked and I called her. She didn't answer.
A moment later my phone buzzed. Rayne had sent a message.
   Katy's
Okay.
I popped open a jar of pickles and ate them, squirting cream into my mouth at the same time.

*Rayne's POV*

I couldn't. I hadn't told Taylor about the incident and she'd seen the pregnancy tests I'd bought. I ran out and went to Katy's.
Taylor called and I sent her a quick text.
Sometimes I actually liked Taylor, she was half decent. Then I would remember all of the things she's done and I'd want to screw at her.
Today was one of those days where she was half decent. I felt sorry for her and what John did. He was only able to do it to her because she was trying to protect me. Thinking of this made me angry.
I opened the door to Katy's house and went in.
"You're back!" Alison ran up to me and grabbed my face. She gave me a kiss and I suddenly felt better. My arms snaked around her neck. Katy coughed and I pulled away.
"Are you two finished?" She asked. Alison gave me a quick peck on the lips.
"We are now." She laughed. Katy smiled then looked at me.
"Where were you?" Katy asked.
"Taylor's baby is deformed and when we left the hospital she broke down. I tried to hide but she came upstairs and tried to talk to me. She was still crying and I fell asleep. When I got up I went to the shops to buy some ... Some stuff and she saw it. That's when I came back." I explained.
"And they all lived happily ever after." Katy said sarcastically.
"Yeah, whatever that means." I said. My groin gave a pang and I doubled over. I curled up and tears streamed down my face as the pain intensified.

Four hours later I was still in the same amount of pain but in a hospital bed.
   I'd begged Katy not to take me but she insisted. It was just when he'd been extra forceful, that had hurt. They did some tests and we waited for the results. I curled up in the foetal position, facing away from Katy. I couldn't look at her. I felt ashamed of what had happened. Instead I stared at the wall and hoped that it was just something that was completely unrelated to the incident.
   It wasn't.
   The doctor said he'd hit something and caused it to bleed. It had stopped now but I should avoid exercise for a day or two and I have to take medication once every six hours.
   That was good. I don't have any clubs to go to for a few days.
   Katy took it too seriously and when he said we could go she scooped me up and carried me to the car.
   "I can walk to the car Katy."
   "I know. Aunts are supposed to be annoyingly overprotective."
   "You've got that right. Especially the annoying part."
   "Thank you." She flicked her hair and walked to the other side of the car. She got in and lights began to flash. She tried to drive but more paparazzi seemed to appear by the second.
   They were shouting question at me. They were all Taylor-baby related.
   "Meet me around the corner." I said jumping from the car. They followed me like a swarm of bees. They would bump into each other and slow themselves down though and I reached the corner of the street.
   Katy was there. I dove into the car and she stepped on the pedal.
   "I hate the fucking paparazzi!" She said taking a corner too sharply.
   "Watch your tongue Katy." I said.
   "Sorry." She took another corner too sharply and my head hit the window with a thump. Then again at the next corner.
   Katy pulled up at her house a little while later and I tried to get out of the car. The moment I tried to stand my knees gave way and I was on all fours. My stomach convulsed and the contents came out on the side of the path. Katy's arms were holding me in seconds. She sat me on her lap and rubbed my back.
   "I'm so sorry." She said. "I should have slowed down on those corners. I'm so sorry."
   "It's okay." I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and Katy scooped me up. She carried me to the sofa and Alison came to hold my hand.
   Another wave of fear washed over me as the thought crossed my mind. What if I was. Could I be? I'd have to wait a few weeks to find out. The thought terrified me. What if I were who would I tell? Katy? No I couldn't. Alison? I could try. Taylor was out of the equation completely. I would never talk to Taylor about this. I was raped and could be pregnant, I felt like I could tell nobody. I hate this, I hate that everyone around me has had to feel this way. Why can't guys just respect our boundaries and know what no means?
   Fear churned my insides and I hoped for it to not be true. Tears tracked my cheeks and my arms snaked around Katy.
   "Katy, I'm scared." I whispered.
   "It's okay. Why are you scared?"
   "I'm scared." One of my hands moved to my stomach.
   "Oh Rayne." Katy said. "It's fine. You're not. If you are I will personally see to it. I will help you through this."
   "I'm scared." I squeaked. She held my shoulder at arms length.
   "Rayne. You listen to me when I say you have nothing to be afraid of. I'm here for you okay. You don't have you worry."
   "I know but I'm still scared."
   "I know sweetie." She held me in a hug and carried me to bed. I assumed my normal sleeping position but it was Katy instead of Taylor tonight.
   Alison had her arms around my stomach and my hands lay on top of hers as we slept.