Hate is a strong word, but I still hate you.

Chapter twenty-two, Leukaemia

*Rayne's POV*

   Positive.
  
   I took the final test. When I saw the result I gave it to Alison and dropped to the floor shaking.
   I was crying hysterically. Someone picked me up and I held on to them as tightly as possible. I saw Alison hiding the test out of the corner of my eye and Taylor's short hair fall across my face.
   It was Taylor who had picked me up. I tightened my arms and cried more.
   I was pregnant?
   I don't believe it. Taylor sat down and I clung to her. I needed to hold onto someone. I needed to cry. I needed someone who cared about me.
   I knew I didn't care about Taylor but I knew she cared about me, deeply.
   I couldn't tell her what had happened. I would just cry more. She held me close and stroked my hair. I never realised how comforting that was until now.
   "Shhh baby. It's so okay. Shhh." Taylor whispered comforting things in my ears. This did creep me out but it slowed my tears and made my muscles relax.

   After a few hours I was reduced to sniffles. I had no tears left and my throat burned.
   "What happened sweetheart?" Taylor asked. After a few minutes of silence she asked again.
   "I saw a spider." I lied. Taylor sighed. I guess she didn't believe me.
   I closed my eyes, trying to sleep and escape life for a few hours, but I couldn't. His face, the man who did this to me, was on my mind whenever I closed my eyes.
   Taylor put me down on the bed and I pulled my knees to my chest. I did feel better but I was still horrified.
   I am pregnant.
   "Taylor." I said. She looked at me.
   "Yes." Tell her my brain yelled just tell her! I opened my mouth but then snapped it closed. I couldn't.
   "Can I have popcorn?" I asked. I have no idea why I said that but I did really want popcorn.
   "Sure." She disappeared and I grabbed my phone.
Katy. Call me when you get the chance.
After a few minutes Taylor came back with a bowl.
   I put on a film and ate the popcorn. I wasn't even paying attention to the film. When I'd eaten the popcorn I curled into a ball and fell asleep.

   When I woke up brushed my hair and teeth. I put some clean clothes on, black leggings and my 'I love my mother ... Her name is Taylor Swift' top, then my phone began to ring.
"Katy." I said picking up the phone.
"What's wrong honey?" She asked. I heard her yawn.
"What time is it?" I asked.
"Like midnight or something." She said, yawning again.
"Oh, it can wait then. Get some sleep."
"No. It seems important.
"Well, umm ... Katy ... Umm I ... Iwasrapedamonthagoandnowimpregnant!" I blurted as I made my way towards the stairs.
"What? Slow down." I burst into tears. "Honey. I'll be home soon, you can tell me then, if that makes you feel more comfortable." She already knew about what had happened but she had no idea about the baby.
"NO!" I couldn't have her hang up. The sound of her voice always makes me feel better. "Katy. I'm pregnant."
"Sweetie, it's okay. Everything will be fine."
Twenty minutes later Katy managed to calm me down and I cleaned my face before I went downstairs, only thinking about Katy coming home.
   At the bottom of the stairs I remembered the test and I held the banister and took deep breaths.
   It's okay.
   I felt horrible. Taylor was having a deformed baby and I went and got pregnant behind her back.
   In my defence I didn't get pregnant on purpose, did I?
   I stepped into the kitchen and sat down.
   "Morning sleepyhead." Taylor said. I smiled at her then turned away and rubbed my eyes.
   "Good morning." I mumbled.
   "Nice top." She said. I could hear the happiness in her voice, I knew she loved this top.
   "Thank you." I said smugly.
   "Ooooooooo!" Taylor groaned. She rubbed her hand along her stomach. "I really want that pasta you made before."
   "The cheese and broccoli one? But it's ten in the morning." I pointed out.
   "I hate broccoli." Alison said, sitting beside me.
   "You wait until you try it. I was sceptical at first but it's really nice." Taylor said.
   "Why thank you." I said, over-dramatically.
   I grabbed a pan and let cheese bubble in the pan whilst I added a bit of milk. I tossed in broccoli and pasta then stirred. 
   Once it was cooked I plated up and Taylor ate three bowls full in half an hour.
   Alison started of hesitantly then finished her bowl.
   I picked at mine but I don't think my baby agreed. I felt it coming back up and I ran to the bathroom. I got to the toilet and pasta flowed back out of my mouth.
   I was finished in a minute or two. After all, I only ate half a bowl. I rinsed my mouth out and laid on my bed.
   Taylor came in and pushed hair from my face.
   "Are you okay?" She asked.
   "Yeah, just sick." I mumbled.
"Poor Rayne." She laid down besides me and fidgeted. A lot. "Children!" She shouted, sounding very frustrated. "Never have them Rayne."
"What would you do if I did?" I asked. Taylor sat up and straightened her top before answering.
"I wouldn't care, if you were older I mean. If you were to tell me you were pregnant now I would be very disappointed." The back of my throat burned as I held back tears. "Rayne, are you?" Taylor sounded terrified.
"No." I laughed and sat up. "You have to sleep with someone for that to happen and I'm positive I never have."
"Good." Taylor pulled me into a hug and I pulled away. I pulled my knees to my chest then got up. I went to the front room then to the kitchen. Taylor followed me. I then went back to my room then downstairs.
I was going to my room when Taylor let out a pained gasp. I turned and she grabbed onto the banister, slowly sitting down.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"Kidney shot." She gasped, rubbing her stomach.
Tears formed in the back of my eyes. Would she still be disappointed if it wasn't my fault I got pregnant? I backed up the stairs and locked the door to my room.
I let my tears flow. It wasn't what Taylor would think that bothered me. Nothing she thinks will ever affect me. I still hate her, I've just gotten really good at hiding it.
What I worry about is the press, but not for my sake. I'm worried about Alison. The news hasn't really heard anything about Alison. They've seen her when we're out and about but she's never been seen with Taylor or at my house. The paparazzi thinks she's just a friend. If the news find out I'm pregnant 'underage, pop stars daughter, Rayne Swift is pregnant' they will be everywhere. I don't want to put Alison through the pressure of it all. The press are horrible.
A sharp knock at the door shocks me from my wandering thoughts.
"RAYNE!" I heard Taylor shout.
"Yes?" I asked.
"Are you ready?"
"For what?"
"Your abortion." WHAT?! My heart raced and I closed my eyes.
I let out a scream and when I opened my eyes I was covered in sweat.
Taylor was stroking the side of my face.
"What happened?" I asked.
"You came upstairs and locked the door. When I got in you were asleep."
So she doesn't know I'm pregnant. Thank goodness. I sat up and my arms wrapped around Taylor.
"Gross! You're all sweaty." She said.
"Good." She laughed and put her arms around me.
I might hate her but I needed the comforting so I held onto her tightly.
My heartbeat slowed down and my breathing became easier.
After a few minutes Taylor tensed. I heard her suck in a sharp breath and I pulled from the hug.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"I have very sporty children. Bladder this time." She rubbed her stomach and laid down. "I wish she would just go to sleep already."
I laughed quietly.
"It's not funny." She slapped my arm gently and I laid down. I snuggled closer to her and we wrapped our arms around each other.
As I breathed the smell of her perfume it made my head spin.
It was intoxicating and after a short while it made me pass out.

When I regained consciousness I pulled away from Taylor and sat up.
"What's wrong?" She asked, sitting up too.
"Your perfume. It's too strong." I mumbled as I massaged my temples.
"Sorry." I bet one million dollars that it makes my head swim because of the baby. The smell of Taylor's perfumes have never bothered me before. She doesn't even wear perfume half of the time, it's just her natural smell.
It annoys me that I won't be able to tolerate being in the same room as her for the next eight months. It also feels great. I won't have to go near her.
My eyes tear up and I have no idea why. The all too familiar tingling sensation begins again in the back of my throat.
I get of the bed and run to the toilet in a few seconds. I kneeled over the bowl and threw up, again.
It only lasted a few minutes, but by this point Alison, Taylor and Wyatt were all in the bathroom. When I'd finished Wyatt scooped me up and helped me to bed.
My empty stomach growled and I quickly turned away. I pulled the covers to my chin and closed my eyes.
Taylor's perfume became stronger and arms wrapped around me. I looked, it was Taylor. Obviously.
A searing pain tore through my stomach and I pulled my knees to my chest, this helped slightly. I had to pull away to cough.
I could feel a small amount of liquid traveling up my throat and I coughed harder.
"Rayne?" Taylor sounded horrified. I saw the blood spatter the sheets. That came from me, from my mouth.
My shaky hand touched my lips and they came away coated in a layer of glossy red blood.
"Rayne?" Taylor asked again. She scooped me up and before I could do anything I was in the car and she was driving me to the hospital. Alison and Wyatt were still at home.
She carried me inside and several tests were run. Taylor wasn't allowed in.
After a few hours the doctor had results and told Taylor. When Taylor came in she seemed livid.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"You're pregnant!" She spat. "You promised me you weren't." She was crying with rage.
That bastard of a doctor had told her.
"I'm not. I swear." I lied.
"The doctor said you were."
"I told him to say that." A story tumbled from my mouth before I could process it, it was quite good though. "I read an article on how to find out if you had good, responsible parents. One of the tests was to tell them you were pregnant and if they got angry they were quite responsible. I thought I'd give it a shot."
"Really?" Taylor asked.
"You have my word." To seal the deal I said, "Mom." Taylor teared up.
The doctor came in and cleared his throat.
"I'm afraid it's bad news." He said. "You have Leukaemia." He said. "We can prescribe medication but it wouldn't be good for-" I broke him off by coughing. When I stopped he carried on. "We can have another check up in a few months and see if you are suitable for medication then."
"Okay." I got up to leave and Taylor signed my discharge papers. I managed the walk to the car on my spindly legs.
Taylor turned on the engine then cut it. Tears slowly ran from her eyes and I wrapped my arms around her.
"I'm here for you baby. No matter what." Taylor said.
"Okay. Can we just go home?" Taylor turned on the engine again then dried her eyes.
She drove slowly home and when she pulled up she was at my door in seconds. She wouldn't let me walk but I insisted so she held my hand as we walked inside.
She helped me upstairs and I welcomed my bed. I dove, not literally, under the covers and pulled them close to my face. The warmth they gave me was soothing and I slowly waited for sleep to come.
It took a while so in the meantime I studied Taylor's sleeping face. This was what pure boredom led to.
She seemed at peace when she was asleep, no pain because of the baby, no worries about the paparazzi, only peacefulness.
Slowly my eyes began to droop and I finally fell asleep. I fell into an uncomfortable sleep. One filled with death and destruction, of my newly found condition and my not as newly found foetus.