Effys story (a skins fanfic)

Get away (2)

I met Cook in the morning with my bags in Freddie's shed like we planned.  I looked a state in yesterday's clothes but it didn't matter because nothing mattered any more.
When I saw him in front of me he grasped my hand and I gripped it harshly.
"Are you ready?"
I clenched my eyes shut and then looked around one last time. "Yes" 

The cold air surrounded us as we left for the airport. We were really going. Leaving everything behind. Everything I once called my home.

I jumped at the sound of my phone buzzing in my pocket, I was a shaky mess but I reached out and grabbed my phone from my pocket.

"Effy? Effy! Is Freddie with you? I've been worried sick"

Shit, it was Karen, Freddie's sister. A sickening feeling washed over me as I struggled with what to say.

"Look Karen, I...I don't know where Freddie is, but I'm leaving, I'm going away"

"Your what? What about Freddie? Did you find him? Is he going with you?"

"No. No he's not, but I'm sorry Karen"

"Why are u sorry?"

"Just know that I'm sorry and I won't be coming back,"

I shut the phone off and shoved it back in my pocket shakily,
Karen's brother was dead and she knew nothing about it.

"We need to leave now Cook"

He grabbed my hand and we carried on walking until we found a car with the key in it. Cook punched his fist through the window, smashing it open and we jumped in without a second thought.  As he started the car, the man who owned it sprinted after us threatening to call the police but Cook drove away quickly and ruthlessly until we lost him.

Once we got to the airport, we checked in and bought 2 tickets to America with all the cash that we could throw together.

I sat down in my seat on the plane next to Cook and strapped my seat belt in.

"Cook are we really doing this?"

"It's you and me against the world Eff, I'm running from the police and your running from your past"

"Yes, but..is it bad that I feel nothing? I feel totally numb, as if everything is going so fast and it hasn't fully kicked in yet"

"No, but it will kick in Eff, and when it does, I'll still be here". He placed his hand, bloody and raw from smashing the glass window on top of mine.

"I know you will, because you love me" I stated.

"Yeah, because I fucking love you" he replied and kissed my forehead.

"Thank you for loving me, I wish I could love you back Cook"

"I know Eff but that's just life for people like me and you, it's never easy, it always ends in total shit, we never end up with who we want and it's so fucked that it ends up making us take it out on ourselves"

"And that's why we are leaving, to get away, away from everything we care about, if we have nothing to lose, then nothing can be taken away from us and just maybe we can be normal"
I replied.

"Cook and Effy will never be normal, that's what makes us special"

I nodded and closed my eyes slowly falling asleep on his shoulder.

"Eff, wake up we're almost here"

I opened my eyes and slowly adjusted to my surroundings. That's right, I was on a plane. With Cook. On the way to New York. But someone was missing.

"Eff, get up, we have to get off the plane"

"Where's Freddie?"

"What?"

"Is Freddie with us?"

He sighed, "Eff, Freddie's dead" a wave of dread swept over me as I remembered what had happened and where I was. It was like he was telling me for the first time all over again and it had finally started to set in that Freddie was never coming back.

"NO NO NO NO" I shouted whilst shaking uncontrollably.

"Eff, stop, please stop"

Cook grabbed my arms while I was thrashing out and held me still until I stopped. One of the flight attendants paused to look over at us but moved on down the aisle after one of the other passengers signalled to her.

"He's really gone, I thought I'd wake up and he'd still be here I thought it could be a dream" I sobbed.

"He's gone and left me, left us Cook, we are too messed up without him" I was crying hysterically.

"I know, I know Eff but that's why we are here, to get away from everything, come on we have to get off the plane"

He took my hand and clasped my shaky fingers as we exited the plane.

Making our way through customs was a blur, I barely remembered handing my passport over as the airport security looked us over.

We were so far away from home, yet it felt like the pressure weighing down on my chest felt worse than it did yesterday. Like the pain would never really go away even if we tried to.

"I want to go and see him" I stated. If he was never coming back then I would have to find some way to reach him.

"What?" Cook stopped walking suddenly and looked at me. We were looking for a taxi rank but I couldn't carry on anymore, with every step, I felt more and more lifeless.

"I can't go on like this Cook, I thought it would help, being this far away but I don't think anything can help me, I want to go and see Freddie"

"Eff what are you talking about?" Cook grabbed my wrists and looked into my eyes, searching, searching for something behind them.

"I'm going to see Freddie, whatever it takes" I gulped.

"Effy your scaring me"

I ignored him and stared at the road ahead. I was concentrating, waiting for the right moment.

It came and I sprinted into the middle of the road. I stood up and watched the cars speed closer and closer. It was the only thing I could think of doing.

"EFFY, NO" I could hear Cook screaming at me but I blocked it out. I had to see Freddie and this was the only way.

The headlights of a car was coming closer and closer. I clenched my eyes shut to block out the pain. It couldn't be worse than the pain leaking out from inside of me.
And then...
Nothing, I felt nothing.
I opened my eyes to see Cook on top of me staring at me with his eyes wide with shock. His arms pinned me down and his breath felt hot on my face.

"EFFY NEVER FUCKING DO THAT AGAIN YOU FUCKING SCARED ME, YOU'RE ALL I HAVE LEFT" he shouted at me, his voice breaking at the end.
We were at the kerb and I was safe, safe from the cars but never safe from my mind, never safe from reality.

I grabbed Cook's head close to mine and kissed him to feel something, anything and he kissed me back harshly to show how much he needed me, I broke away and closed my eyes, letting my head fall against the ground.

I couldn't do that to Cook. I couldn't fuck with his head anymore. He needed me as much as I needed him. I lost Freddie, I couldn't lose Cook too.

"I'm sorry" I whispered to him, instantly remembering the last time I had done this to him.

He pulled me off the ground and I collapsed into his arms. He held me tightly whispering that it will be okay in my ear.

We found a cheap hotel for the night. It was a small, musty room with a double bed in the centre. I put my bags down on the floor and climbed into bed next to Cook.
I laid there silently but couldn't sleep. I decided to take one of the Xanax pills from my suitcase to knock me out. 

I swallowed the pill with a mouthful of water and climbed back into bed.

"Night Eff"

"Night Cook"

And I was out like a light.