The Help Book

A~3 : It's Not My Fault, Yet I'm the One Suffering

From when I was young, dad worked abroad and came back only once every year. I was left with my mom, who worked, so I was left with my grandparents and aunts. Five years ago I found out that my mom was cheating on my dad. I didn't know what to do so I decided to stay silent as I didn't want my family to be broken. Every year when dad came back from work I was scared that he would find out. But he didn't. Until last year.

Last year dad went away to work again. Then we heard the news that I was having a new brother. I was happy. But my dad found out that my mother was cheating and he got angry. He believed that the baby wasn't his. When he got home he and mom fought for months. My mom finally had had enough and she decided that we should move out.

My dad got angry when he found out we were moving. He came home drunk as we were packing and my mom was washing the dishes. Suddenly, he started to search for something in the oven (our oven is full of baking things since he's a chef) and pulled out a knife. My mom saw it and asked him what he wanted to do with it. He didn't answer and walked out of the house.

My mom was probably scared. She saw the chance and locked the door (I was completely oblivious at the time btw). She started to call for help. When my aunt told me what had happened, I didn't believe her until my dad's knocking started getting really loud. I was scared because of the loud banging, and I probably went through slight trauma at that moment because I always flinch whenever I hear loud banging.

My dad is searching for me. But we're doing our best to hide. I still need to be cautious wherever I go. I hid my pain and told everyone that I didn't care. But I did. And it hurts.

I got depressed, and started wondering if I had made the right decision. Like, my mom was the one who cheated. It wasn't dad's fault. But dad had tried to kill us.

I seriously don't know what to do.

Hi! First of all, don't be so hard on yourself. You're one of the nicest people I've ever met, not even exaggerating.

I can only try to imagine how hard it would be for you to know that your own mom is cheating on your dad, and to have them constantly fighting/arguing. Just know one thing though, whatever problems they have against each other, they both love you. You are important to them.

Don't be afraid. He's your dad. I highly doubt that he would ever hurt you.

If you're scared and uncomfortable right now, do speak to your mom about it. She loves you, and I'm sure she would feel terrible if you're being affected by all of this.

As for making the right decision, there is no right or wrong in life. Think about it. There is only what you believe to be right or wrong. So go with your gut instinct. Trust yourself to make the right decision, and it'll all work out in the end.

Anxiety disorders are pretty common, unfortunately. If you feel that you have one, seek help immediately. I'm just a random teenager, so I'm not the right person who can help you with that. Tell someone older than you, someone you're comfortable with. Preferably your mom, but if you're not comfortable then someone else. An older sibling/cousin? Maybe an aunt or uncle? Or a grandparent? You decide, and speak to them about it.

Here's a website that might help you :

You're courageous, and powerful. This is your life, and you are in complete charge of it. You will be successful and complete one day. Believe in yourself. ❤

With lots of love,
A_B

(and anyone else who comments below 👇😁)