The Help Book

A~7 : Moving On and Letting Go

The guy I like and have been best friends with just showed up with his girlfriend yesterday. I thought he liked me, he would be super flirty towards me and I liked it. Then I didn't see him for a couple of months and when I come back he shows up with some other girl. It killed me to see them hold hands and kiss, I felt like the third wheel. The worst thing is that he did it the day after my birthday, and he totally forgot. He showed up and said this is my girlfriend then basically ignored me the rest of the day.

And another thing - my best friend totally left me. I loved her and told her everything and she did the same. Our parents would question our sexuality - we were so close. Anyway she had depression and I was able to pull her out of it. And she helped me too. We had been through a lot together, we picked each other up. Then this girl waltzes in and takes her away. This girl bullied me constantly. She got my friend into it and they planned to jump me. It didn't happen but they continued doing this stuff. And I'm really nervous because she's falling back into depression. I'm falling apart myself, I want her to be there, tell me everything will be okay. It hurts to know that the person you would take a bullet for is the one who pulled the trigger...

So yea I miss her every time I think of something I light up thinking I can go tell her but then realise she doesn't care about me... She was my other half.

This is something most people go through in life. But that doesn't mean that it's easy to deal with at all.

It's hard to let go and move on, but the harsh reality of life is that sometimes we simply have to. That guy is probably not the right guy for you. Right now you may feel hurt with his relationship with that other girl, but don't worry, you have your entire life ahead of you and you'll find someone someday (it's what I always tell myself whenever I feel sad about being forever alone 😂 *awkward laugh* )

And if he forgot your birthday and chose to instead flaunt his new girlfriend in front of you then he's probably not that good of a friend either.

You'll find the perfect guy one day. Someone worth loving, and someone who truly loves you back.

And your friend - she's moved on. She has changed. It is very hard to accept, but it could be for the best, you know. You might find a new best friend. And she's still probably willing to be your friend I'm sure. You may not be as close as you were before, but you could still be friends. I'm sure she'd never hate you or anything.

But if they are bullying you (or even if the other girl is bullying you) then you should definitely talk to her about it. Especially if you feel like she's falling back into depression. She probably doesn't want to admit it, but she needs you.

But the only thing I have to tell you is that you have to let go now. Don't let anyone hurt you or make you feel like you're falling apart. Remember, this is your life, and you are in complete charge of it.

I was lucky enough to find a website where there were really good tips about moving on. (Hopefully I'll be able to put a link in the comments)

It was pretty long, but here's what it mainly said:

You are changing. The universe around you is changing. Just because something was right for you in the past doesn't mean it still is.

It happens to you slowly as you grow. You discover more about who you are and what you want out of life, and then you realize there are deliberate changes you need to make to keep up with the changes happening around you and within you.

The lifestyle you've been living no longer fits. The specific people and routines you've known forever no longer align with your values. So you cherish all the memories, but find yourself letting go and moving on.

If you're currently dealing with this process you may feel a bit awkward, and that's OK.

Ways to Let Go and Move On

Holding on is like believing that there's only a past; letting go and moving on is knowing in your heart that there's a bright future ahead. Let's take a look at eight ways to design the latter.

Accept the truth and be thankful. - To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and helped you learn and grow. It's the acceptance of everything you have, everything you once had, and the possibilities that lie ahead. It's all about finding the strength to embrace life's changes, to trust your intuition, to learn as you go, to realize that every experience has value, and to continue taking positive steps forward.

Distance yourself for a while. - Sometimes you need to take several steps back in order to gain clarity on a situation. The best way to do this is to simply take a break and explore something else for a while. Why? So you can return to where you started and see things with a new set of eyes. And the people there may see you differently too. Returning where you started is entirely different than never leaving.

Focus only on what can be changed. - Realize that not everything in life is meant to be modified or perfectly understood. Live, let go, learn what you can and don't waste energy worrying about the things you can't change. Focus exclusively on what you can change, and if you can't change something you don't like, change the way you think about it. Review your options and then re-frame what you don't like into a starting point for achieving something better.

Claim ownership and full control of your life. - No one else is responsible for you. You are in full control of your life so long as you claim it and own it.

Focus inward. - It's important to make a difference in the world. Yes, it's important to help people, but you have to start with yourself. If you're looking outside yourself to find where you fit in or how you can create an impact, stop and look inside yourself instead. Review who you already are, the lifestyle you're currently living, and what makes you feel alive. Then nurture these things and make positive adjustments until your current life can no longer contain them, forcing you to grow and move beyond your current circumstances.

Change the people around you. - Some people come into your life just to strengthen you, so you can move on without them. They are supposed to be part of your memory, not your destiny. The bottom line is that when you have to start compromising your happiness and your potential for the people around you, it's time to change the people around you.

Take a chance. - When life sets you up with a challenge, there's a reason for it; it's meant to test your courage and willingness to make a change and take a chance on something new. There's no point in denying that things are different now, or being fearful of the next step. The challenge will not wait even if you hesitate. Life only moves in one direction - forward. This challenge is your chance to let go of the old and make way for the new. Your destiny awaits your decision.

Focus on today. - You can decide right now that negative experiences from your past will not predict your future. Figure out what the next positive step is, no matter how small or difficult, and take it. Ultimately, the only thing you can ever really do is to keep moving forward. Take that leap without hesitation, without looking back. Simply forget the past, look straight ahead and forge toward the future.

(Hope that helped) :)

Lots of love,
A_B