The Help Book

A~5 : They're Hurting my Best Friend

My friend is being bullied really badly. People are cussing her out, telling her she is a horrible, nasty person when in reality she is kind beautiful, talented and wonderful. And I don't know what to do.

We live 2 hours away from each other, so I can't help her other than over text and we only see each other once a week. The big problem is that even her family is mean. Her mom and dad got divorced not too long ago which is hard for her and she hates her dad but she's forced to go see him. It's super hard for me to listen to all her pain, but all I can do is sit back and watch. I have no other choice.

She also is very shy and often can't speak out for herself. I have no idea how to help her and I literally can't do ANYTHING about it. She is such an amazing person and yet people are calling her ugly, horrible, mean, stupid and are making very sexist remarks. The main people mean to her are her family, friends I don't know, and one of my best friends. She told me that she used to self harm and felt like doing it again yesterday.

Any ideas on how to help? She is my best friend and I'm scared for her. When I can't do anything to stop the bullies, it really hurts me. She is like a sister to me.

First of all, and I say this to everyone who's getting bullied- you need to remember that the bullies don't really hate you. They all probably have their own problems and insecurities, and they're just venting their negative feelings out on you. Just tell her to remember that the next time someone says something mean, so instead of feeling hurt, she just feels sorry for the bully. I mean, they must have a pretty sad back story right? Something that made them want to be so terrible to others.

I'm sure her parents don't hate her. They don't want her to get hurt at all, and they'd definitely be horrified if they knew what she is going through. I think she needs to confide in them, at least her mother, if she isn't really comfortable with her dad. Just try to tell her that. Her parents will do everything they can to help her and protect her, without a doubt. They may have their differences, but they do love her.

I think that you should tell her that you think she's beautiful, talented and wonderful. It would make her very happy. Also, try to include her in your friends group, maybe go for an outing or something and take her along. Insist, if she says that she doesn't want to come.

If she's depressed, you need to give her something she'd enjoy, something as simple as getting her to come outside and socialise a little can help her cope with the depression. Bring along only your closest friends, maybe just 2-3 of them and tell them to be nice to her beforehand. Do something you know she'll like doing, go watch a movie, go bowling, go sit in a park, play a game, eat at her favorite restaurant, anything. It would mean a lot to her.

And you shouldn't really be friends with that person who's being mean to her. I mean, they clearly don't deserve your friendship. But if they're pretty close to you, then try talking to them, and try finding out why they're being mean to her.

There's this tip for self harming I found on a website for an earlier anonymous - when you feel like self harming, take a red pen and draw squiggles all over your hand. Scribble the things that people said that hurt you, and then wash it off. It will be very calming to see all that red ink go down the drain and leave your skin good as new. She might find this helpful.

Just let her know that you're there for her, and you care about her, that's basically all she needs right now. :)

Good luck!

Lots of love,
A_B