The Help Book

A~11: Getting It Off My Chest

The last year was a huge rollercoaster of emotions for me. It started when both my grandad and my grandma, whom I was really close to, died of cancer. I was in shock for quite a while, and then after a few months, I fell into depression. I found my studies really hard, and my grades fell lower than I thought they could. I started having thoughts of suicide.

Many of my old friends had shifted schools, so I was very lonely at school. I made a couple of new friends, but I didn't feel like I was being myself when I was with them.

I then discovered Wattpad, and honestly, it made me so happy. I didn't feel as lonely, and I made a few nice internet friends here. I discovered some YouTubers, mainly Dan and Phil, and watching their videos kept me happy and made me smile when I just wanted to cry.

My parents didn't see what I was going through. All they did was argue with each other. Don't get me wrong, I love them, but sometimes I just wish they would see how unhappy I am. They scolded me for my grades dropping and doing things that made me happy, like watching YouTube.

2015 was also the year I was the most confused and scared about my sexuality, and I think I know now, and I feel like I want to get it off my chest, but my hands start shaking even while I'm typing it, and I'm sure my parents won't accept me. And I don't even have any close friends I can talk to.

Sorry for this long message, I just needed to get all this off my chest...

Hi!

First of all, you don't need to apologize at all! This Help Book is so that you can get things off your chest anonymously, so you can get help without telling people who you think won't take what you're saying in the right way.

Losing someone close to you can be the hardest thing ever. But just know that your grandparents are looking down at you, proud of you, and that they're happy and at peace now, wherever they are.

It's hard to let go of old friends, isn't it? But it's unfortunately a part of life. When you finish school and move to college, you'd have to leave all your friends behind and form a completely different set of friends. Just think that this is a sort of practice for that. Just be yourself, you'll find people that are like you and would like to be friends with you. I'm not very good at making friends either to be honest, but I know that the best way to do it is to just be yourself! If some friends of yours aren't letting you be yourself or are forcing you to do something to don't want to, then honestly, they aren't worth it.

The beauty of Internet friends is that you make friends with people just based on their personality and your common interests, you have no idea about how they look, where they're from, what religion they follow, etc. I'm glad that Wattpad made you feel less lonely! :)

And Dan and Phil, ugh yes. Anyone who knows them will understand just how happy they can make you feel.

If your grades are dropping though, maybe you need to focus. It can be very difficult, but remember, this is your life. Not your parents. So if they aren't supporting you, you know what? Forget it. You can be independent. Get a planner and start managing your time. It seriously helps. Keep some time aside for when you come back home from school to go on Wattpad or watch YouTube, or do whatever you like. And then keep some time to study whatever you learnt in today's classes. And then at the end, reward yourself with a Phan video! :) (basically what I do on many days)

And about your sexuality, it's perfectly normal to be confused and scared. If you don't want to tell anybody, that's totally fine too. You don't owe anyone the information about your sexuality. The most important thing is for you to accept and love yourself. You are unique and lucky, you are amazing and you are loved.

Lots of love
A_B