Yesterday

Yesterday II

"I don't know what love is, all I know are heartbreaks."

Facade is the greatest thing that was ever invented. Being able to make people believe that you are okay even though deep inside you're not.

Most of the times I make people believe that I am not affected by how things go around me.

"Cha, we'll go party later. Want to join?" Untag ni Jasmine, officemate ko.

Oh, great. Party... many people. No, thanks.

"Sorry, Jasmine. Baka next time nalang. Busy ako eh." Sabi ko at nagmadaling sumakay ng elevator.

The doors almost closed ng may lalaking nagmamadaling pumasok. But as usual, I ignored him.

"Miss, please press 7." He asked, err, more of a command.

I mentally rolled my eyes and pressed 7 on the control panel. Then I looked at him. I gasped when I saw his features. He has squinty butterscotch orbs that complimented his slightly pointed nose and his lips that have a hint of fuchsia.

"Done observing my features?" He said and made me blush. Masyado akong na-overwhelm sa mukha niya na 'di ko na namamalayan na naka-tulala na pala ako sa kanya.

The bell of the lift made the ting! sound. Pagbukas ng elevator, I hurriedly went out of it. And of course, like every day, pag pasok ko palang all eyes are on me like they're telling me na I don't belong here. It's not like I am not competitive enough to be here, it's not about my skills, it's about how I look. I'm not pretty for Pete's sake.

I heaved a sigh. Matagal na 'kong nabu-bully dahil sa appearance ko. High school palang, kotang-kota na ako sa pambu-bully ng mga classmates and schoolmates ko sa akin.

"Hey nerdy brat, 'Lika dito, gawin mo assignments ko." One classmate of mine said, I didn't bother knowing her name.

Umiling ako.

I'm already a mess so I won't let them make me feel like it again and again. I know I'm weak, but that doesn't mean na magiging sunud-sunuran na ako sa kanila. It's too much.

"Hindi mo gagawin?!" My classmate shouted, ramdam ko na nagpupuyos na siya sa galit. Pero nanatili lang akong nakayuko.

Mabuti nalang at dumating na 'yung teacher namin before that classmate of mine do something cruel to me.

I smiled inwardly after reminiscing the past. Is it just me or parang nagiging hobby ko na ang mag-throwback?

I dismissed the thought of the guy with butterscotch eyes earlier in the lift and headed to my cubicle at the far most corner of this floor and started proof-reading manuscripts sent by aspiring writers.

I work at a publishing house, yes. I do this for a living. I proof-read for money and entertainment. Sometimes, I also write books. Pero karamihan ng pinapa-publish ko na books ko ay hindi bumebenta because I can only cater real-life stuffs. No added anything. I don't believe in love, destiny, serendipity, unicorns and rainbows.

I don't know what love is, all I know are heartbreaks.

"Attention," My attention was shifted sa boss ng book department na kalalabas lang ng elevator. Probably may announcement. So as the loner I am, I went back to work.

For the next few moments, I heard her, our boss, talking about something. Hindi ko na masyadong binigyang pansin kung anuman ang ipinaglalaban niya sa harap kasi wala naman akong pakialam dun.

After a few minutes, siguro natapos niya na ang announcement niya and I heard people gasping, squealing and murmuring.

"Oh my gosh. Girl, ang hot nung bagong editor-in-chief natin."

"Oo nga eh. Nalaglag yata 'yung panty ko sa sobrang gwapo niya."

I rolled my eyes. Bakit ko pa kailangan'g marinig 'yung pagtsi-tsismisan ng mga tao sa kabilang cubicle. They're just the normal girls na outer appearance ang agad na nakikita at nagugustuhan sa isang tao.

May bago pala kaming editor-in-chief? Napalitan na pala si Mr. James, 'yung dating editor-in-chief na nag-resign kasi may nakitang mas magandang opportunity sa ibang lugar. Sayang, out of all the people na nandito sa office, siya lang 'yung nakakausap ko. Err, well malamang sa kanya ire-report lahat ng ine-edit na manuscripts. Pero aside from that, I felt at ease with him maybe because kamukha niya si Kuya Hector and he talks and acts like Kuya Hector.

X X X

The day passed by like any other day; work, work and work. Not bothering to talk to anybody. Not having any care on what's happening around me. Kapag kasi binigyan pansin ko ang mga tao sa paligid ko, it's not me, it's not Charity Mendoza.

Nothing interesting happened today... as usual. If something interesting happened today, siguro ay nagpa-party na ako sa bahay. Well, lagi naman akong nag-ho-host ng party – self-pity party.

After work I immediately went back home. The moment that I've entered our house, a familiar feeling hit me... I felt loneliness.

Wala si Mommy, malamang she's out of town. Lagi naman. It's her escape raw for everything she's been through and going through. I wonder if she ever knew na I've always wanted to talk to her in times like this, when I feel devastated.

Not bothering to eat, take a shower and change my clothes, I snuggled to bed.

I laid my back in the comfortable mattress, comfortable yet cold.

I guess its Charity and bed again for tonight... no mom, no brother, no one.

I was about to close my eyes and doze off when I remembered something... tomorrow's my birthday. Somehow, I am excited. Not because I'll eat until my stomach's content but because there might be a chance na maalala ng pamilya ko na may Charity'ng nage-exist sa mundong ibabaw na kailangan ng atensyon nila.

Images of my mom, dad and brother flooded my mind.

Without knowing, I dozed off with a smile and a teary eye.

---

Please don't forget to vote and leave a comment! Thank you for reading. - Josh