Yesterday

Yesterday IV

"Pero... nasasaktan pa rin ako."

"Sir?" Nagulat ako sa biglaan niyang pagdating sa unit namin. We're not even close friends, ni hindi nga kami magkaibigan eh.

He gave me a lop-sided smile, "Hey, Charity."

"Why are you here, sir?" Nagugulumihan kong tanong.

"I was reviewing the profile of every employee under me and I saw that today's your birthday."

"Ano naman po kung birthday ko ngayon, sir?" I asked, still bewildered.

Itinaas niya ang dala-dalang paper bag habang nakangiti. "Well, I'm not busy. And I still haven't had my dinner. So..." Hindi niya tinuloy ang sinasabi niya.

"So... ?" Untag ko sa kanya

"Let's eat together." He said, "Can I come in now?" He asked me.

I stood there. Not having any reaction. But after a few moments, I filled my lungs with air and shut the door closed. Leaving him behind.

Matapos ko'ng gawin 'yun ay agad-agad akong tumungo sa kwarto ko, ni-lock ang pintua't nagtalukbong.

What I'm feeling isn't healthy. Wala man akong karanasan sa pag-ibig ngunit alam ko kung anong tawag sa nararamdaman ko ngayon.

I am infatuated by that guy who has butterscotch eyes.

Hindi ako pwede'ng ma-in love, hindi ko pwede'ng hayaan ang ibang tao na maka-pasok sa sistema ko. The less people you'll let in, the less chance you'll get hurt.

Letting him in is like suicide.

After a few moments, nung pakiramdam ko'y maayos na ang lahat ay lumabas ako ng kwarto ko and went out of the unit.

Wala na si Sir Zach pero nandun pa rin 'yung paper bag na dala niya kanina.

Kinuha ko ang paper bag at ipinasok sa loob ng bahay.

Ipinatong ko ito sa dining table ko at binuksan. Mayroong mga pagkain sa loob nun. May Spaghetti, chocolate cake slice at... note?

Mayroon nga'ng sulat para sa akin na galing kay Sir Zach. Agad-agad ko itong binuksan at binasa.

Charity,

I know we're not even close yet. But I wanna wish you a happy birthday. May God bless you abundantly.

-Zach

I don't know why he sent me a letter, but a warm hand enclosed my heart nung nabasa ko 'yung sulat niya.

Buti pa siya, he took time to greet me. Samantalang 'yung family ko. Wala.

I really don't know why I always feel this way tuwing nadi-disappoint ako sa family ko.

Sabi nila na 'pag may isang bagay na paulit-ulit nang nangyayari sa 'yo, you'll eventually get used to it, be immune to the pain it brings. And somehow be numb to all the hurts and sufferings that comes along with it.

Pero... nasasaktan pa rin ako.

Being hurt is inevitable and you don't have a say kung sino ang mananakit sa'yo. But you have the choice if you want to stop the pain or prolong the agony.