secret love song ◈ malum (completed)

eight

why can't you hold me in the street? why can't I kiss you on the dance floor? 

calum

i get home and lock myself in my room, although no one else is home. silent tears turn into violent sobs and soft screams.

i kick the leg of my desk softly, but the more upset i get, the more i kick. the whole desk shakes, as does my body, and a picture frame falls from the edge.

i don't even have to pick it up or look at it before i stomp on it, breaking the frame and the glass into pieces.

my screams get louder, and all my frustrated anger just turns into complete rage.

i throw another picture frame onto the floor, shards of glass shattering everywhere. but i don't care; i just throw more.

why can't he just see how much this pains me? why can't he just admit to himself that what we have could work if he just dumps luke? why can't he see that he's only hurting both of us-- luke and i?

i sit on my bed, my screams going to muffled sobs, then turning to whimpers. hot tears still spill from my eyes.

i just want to be able to call him mine, and have him call me his. i just want to run down the street with our hands intertwined, only to have him stop me and just hold me in his warm embrace. i just want him to drag me onto the dance floor, be it at a club or wedding or even at one of ashton's get-together's, and just kiss me passionately.

i don't want luke's jealousy or pain; i want his friendship. but i can't have that if he is dating the love of my life and hates me.

i cry some more. i cry until i have no tears left. i cry until my stomach churns. i let out dry sobs until bile rises in my throat. i sob to the point i have to run out of my room and to the bathroom. i sob until i empty the contents in my stomach. more tears begin to stream down my face.

unrequited love is such a pain in the ass.

i cry until i puke some more. i cry until my stomach is empty. i sob until my throat aches. i cry until my sobs sound scratchy. i cry until a wave of exhaustion washes over me.

i sit as the tears run out again. until i can't catch my breath. i sit there until my head feels fuzzy. i sit until i see black spots in the corner of my eyes. i continue doing so until i hear a knock on my door. but it doesn't stop me from letting out another sob.

i cry until someone bursts into the bathroom with wide eyes.

---
a/n: cliff(ord)-hanger ?? or will i just end this story right here? hmm

nah i have way more for this ;)

hope you like the outcome of this story as much as i do xx