cat whiskers // phan.

Chapter 35

- double update; sorry for crappy update schedule -

recap //

"Howell.." Phil breaths.

Howell? He only ever calls people he really dislikes by their surname. And that's only one person. Steve.

"Phil" I smile, opening my arms for a hug. Phil's eyebrows furrow together and he seems deeply confused.

"What?" I question, offended.

"Why would I hug you? I left you..?" My heart plummets to the floor as I remember that dreadful day. He meant to leave me behind?

Coming to think of it, when I looked through the window of the plane, I did see a smiling boy looking up at me. Laughing at the young boy who couldn't board the plane.

This whole thing was a lie?

The next thing I know, the oak door had shut and I'm alone. I place my back to the door and slide down it, as my tears do the same down my face. I curl in a ball on the floor and I weep. I sob my heart out.

How stupid I was to think he loved me.
How stupid I was to think he cared.
How stupid I was to think he was there for me.
How stupid I was to fall for this gorgeous black haired, blue eyed boy.

Everything went dark and I was lost in my own thoughts, cascading into oblivion.

The cream on my frappa swirls in my coffee mug as I spin my straw around and around, due to my other thinking.

"Why are you so sad?" Emma snaps "we're here for you, finding your boyfriend and we're paying. The least you can do is fucking smile"

She pushes her coffee away from her and takes her iPad out of her bag, sighing.

"I'm sorry. I just had a.. Bad dream" I look down, disappointed in myself. The big boy that has bad dreams. More like a pathetic excuse of a boy.

"It's okay, Dan. Everyone gets them at some point. I'm not going to ask what it was, if you're that upset over it, it must be personal and very, very bad. But remember that we'll get Phil back at some point. It'll be okay" she reaches over and pats my shoulder, which is good because she hated physical contact.

I smile weakly at her and take a sip of my coffee as Sally, PJ and Kayleigh walk into the room, along with some other guy with dark brown hair.

"Hello" PJ says as he sits next to Emma, Kayleigh next to him too "this is Toby"

"Hey, I'm Dan" I tell him, not really caring to meet new people at the moment.

"Hey. Wanna go outside? This place is hell to me" Toby asks. After looking around to make sure he's talking to me and realising no one else was listening - also, he was looking dead at me - I get up and grab my coffee. We walk to the car park in a weirdly comfortable silence and sit on the wall. I take this chance to really look at his appearance.

Toby has dark brown hair that is shaved at the side and curly on top. I love that hairstyle on guys. It reminds me of Troye Sivan and it's so fitting to my aesthetic. He has grey eyes, or so it seems. It's hard to tell. He wears a large grey San Fransisco top and black jeans, along with black Doc Martins.

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a packet of cigarettes. I watch as he puts it between his pink lips and lights the brown tobacco. He breaths in slightly before removing the cigarette and exhaling, a large cloud of smoke floating around him.

"Having fun watching me, Dan?" He smirks.

"Wh-what.. No" I feel the heat in my cheeks, I hope it's not such an obvious blush.

"No? Aw, I thought I was good looking" he chuckles, taking another drag and shutting his eyes.

"You know, I like it here" he sighs, his eyes still shut.

"Pardon?" I ask, really confused. He opens his eyes and shuffles closer to me. He looks down at the burning orange before straight into my eyes. It should be intimidating but but he seems so.. innocent?

"I'd lived in Amsterdam my entire life. It was shit. But I moved away from there as soon as I could, to Brighton in England when I was 17. That's how Peej and I know each other, I'm in his Oscars Hotel team. He told me to come out here to Australia and we can film some Wiggles the Clown shorts. I like it out here. The air is so fresh, the sun is so clean. The people are so kind. It's welcoming for me, as I'm a lonely boy from a broken background. Australia's different"

I nod, having no idea why on earth he said that. I mean, we only just met. Chill.

"Want one?" He offers me the packet of cigarettes "you don't have to if you don't want to, I don't want to pressure you into it. So what do you say?"

I've been told so many times how bad smoking is. You'll get cancer. It doesn't make you look 'cool'. It doesn't make you look 'tumblr' or popular'. It'll kill you. I think that last one stood out the most to me. It'll kill you. And that is why it confused me so as I nodded my head and took the cigarette that Toby had just lit for me. I hadn't smoked before, but I guessed you just put it in your mouth and breathed in.

That didn't work.

I choked.

"How is it?" Toby asked sarcastically, a little smirk playing at his lips.

"It's.. Nice" I agree, unsure of what to say, the last of my coughing up. He quietly laughed a little.

"Come on, let's go to the next hotel" he smiles, dropping the cigarette and stepping on it to put it out. I do the same, I've only had one drag but I already hate it. On the way back one phrase rings through my head.

It'll kill you.

Maybe I that's why I tried smoking.