You're crashing but you're no wave

Pete's letter to Patrick

OKAY SO THERE IS A RULE! You have to read this chapter while listening to done for you by black veil brides on repeat other wise it just won't have the same effect. Pleaseeeeeeeee do it, it honestly adds emotion.

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Hey Patty. Uh, I don't know what to say. I had it all in my head ready but now the pen's in front of me my mind's gone blank. I just need to say thank you. You gave me a last week worth living, More than the rest of my life.

If I'm gone, I need you to keep some things close to your heart, and above all, believe them.

1)You are beautiful. Absolutely and wholly stunning. Your eyes are such a stunning crystal green that I have got lost in too many times that you don't even know about. I've watched the light catch in your orbs of emerald and then seen them transform into a shimmering clear blue.I'm willing to drown in the oceans if the pools are your eyes in sunlight.

I can't even begin to explain how good your figure is. I know you think that you're overweight and that makes you ugly. But I honestly don't think you understand how much hotter you are to me that way. Far better than any skinny 'ideal' person where every bone becomes visible as they stretch. That would by far put me off. Therefore I don't think you understand how perfect your body looks to me. I loved being able to cuddle you like the softest thing I'd ever touched and don't you ever think otherwise.

Every part of you adds up to perfection Patrick. I think you are the most stunning thing I have ever seen. Why do you think I was staring at you so much?

2) You are loved and you matter. I thought I loved Mikey. I thought we'd be together for the rest of my life. Then I met you. (Well, some other stuff happened) But you changed everything about me. I can promise you, you changed me. Frank was right about drugs and smoking and stuff. But did I ever touch that stuff around you? No. Because I didn't need it. You changed that about me. You filled that space with your sweet singing in the shower, your gentle caresses, your kindness to take me in, your kisses, your cooking, your smile... You, Patrick. You were all I've ever needed this whole time.

I know I was all you had. But please don't leave it at that. You are such a wonderful person that you don't deserve to be lonely. People are lucky to have you as a friend and I know how much you like to make people happy.

Patrick, don't mourn me. I can guess you're going to miss me. My whole body is burning up right now as I know I have to leave you. I needed you so much, and I got you. It's the best thing that's ever happened to me my whole life. God dammit. I don't wanna go. I... Sorry if my tears blur anything, I just don't want to lose you. I wanted to get married. Go crazy with the one I loved. Travel, dedicate my everything to them.Grow old together until we lie in a hospital bed, wrinkled and grey. I wanted to spend my life with you Patrick. I guess I did in a sense. But not how I planned.

I'm not getting married Patty. You could joke all you wanted but I can never have the privilege of calling you my husband. There's no windows in here so I've never seen the stars again. In a way I don't mind because I didn't need the stars in the sky when I saw constellations in your eyes. You became my world so I didn't need to travel the one I stand on now.

Listen here Patrick, and this is probably the most important I'm going to write. Don't you dare blame yourself for this. I swear to god Patrick if you feel responsible, I will know, and I will come and haunt you. None of this was your fault. You were pushed into being a lawyer. You were pushed into this case. Yet you still managed to make it easier and make it better. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT AND NEVER WILL BE. At the end of the day it's the fault of either the jury who decided not to just throw me in jail; or it's my fault for killing Mikey.

You see normally I would be mad, and bitter at those who sentenced me, but I'm not. I'm just worried about you. See that's another thing you made better about me! I'm much better and it is all thanks to you. I was broken and you actually fixed me.

Patrick you are going to live your life beautifully. You will find your one, like I found you. You can get married and have the biggest ceremony ever. I'll be watching. He can make you feel special, he can take your virginity and put a ring on your finger. You can travel the world with him and become truly happy. You can almost forget about me. I'd ask you not to forget about me but to be honest if that's what's going to make you happy then do anything.

I hope he makes you happy. I hope he never mistreats you. I want to see you with many kids okay? I want to see you in a big house with your loving husband living life to the full. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. Please live. I'd give anything to see you live happy. In fact that's what I'm doing. So go live Patty, for me?

I promise I will never forget you. And I will love you till my last breath.

Goodbye Patrick. Goodbye.