Love is stronger than rage (Loki fanfic)

still alive 15

I woke up with a start, trying to make sense of what I had just witnessed. My mind fuzzy with fear of letting the inevitable truth sink in. NO, it could not be, my breathing erratic, my heartbeat unstable. I tried to get up but failed, my legs gave way under me. I fell. I must have lost consciousness, because the next thing I knew I woke up surrounded by concerned frost giant faces, of those, who had become my friends.

A mother called Leda took my hand and asked: "Child you look terrible, what happened to you?"I simply shook my head, I could not talk. Loki, gone? How would I live without him, could I even live without him? My whole life force seemed to have been sucked right out of me. I needed to get away. "I'm so sorry, but I have to leave you all," I stammered, "Please send my regards to Nedeaus!" With that, I left the homely cave. I went to find my faithful mare and although it was heavily raining I left, despite the protest, frankly I didn't even hear them. 

Blindly I rode, wild and careless until a certain  calmness overcame me. I found some shelter and made sure that Roe was dried. Then I sat down and watched the rain, the way one drop followed the next and I listened to the pitter patter. I couldn't cry, but it was as if the sky cried the tears that wouldn't come. At some stage Roe nudges me and I realized I had to ride on for her sake.

I rode into the direction of Stevarous cave. I wanted to go home. Home to the palace were happy memories lived. Memories from early days when Loki and I were carefree and my life was still right. I wanted to go to the small makeshift tree house we build, from where we could watch the guards make out with the maids. Before my inner eyes appeared a dark haired boy who grinned at me, his eyes twinkled full of mischief, then he took his slingshot and a paper ball and shot our favorite guard at the back of his head, we giggled.....I lay down sprawled over Roe's neck. I felt her gentle rocking as she trod on faithfully. Maybe I too could cease to exist, such were my thoughts.  

Suddenly I heard a familiar voice calling: "Miss, are you alright?" I looked up, "Thor," I shouted my voice hoarse and full of pain, "Thor!" In an instance, he was at my side. "My God Arianna," He jumped off his horse and I slumped into his arms. I was so cold by then, stiff and shivering. "What happened?" Thor's voice sounded more than concerned. "Loki, Thor, Loki..." I couldn't say anything more for now, in the comforting arms of this brother who loved me, the tears finally came. His eyes widened, "You know?"I only nodded but then after I calmed down a bit, I told him about my visions. He starred at me for a while and then said: "You truly love him?" ...and  a second later "loved him..." he was grieving too, his voice was full of emotion. 

Roe came over to nudge me, jet again. Her needs were a reminder that life had to go on. "Roe needs food," I said and mounted her once more. We rode silently towards Stevarous cave. Just as we could make out the rocky cliff  that had become so familiar to me, Thor mentioned: "Mother is here too, we are here to bring you home if this is what you desire?" If only I hadn't felt so broken, I would have really felt joy knowing that she too was here and that I could finally come home. But this was not how I had imagined my coming home... 

Three months later

I was sitting in the rose garden that adorned the palace gardens, watching the sun go down. It was truly a marvelous spot. The roses smelled wonderful and the sunset was displaying the most vivid color display of orange and red. I felt bittersweet. In my heart there was a hole, as a matter of fact my heart was a hole an abyss of pain, but I was learning to cope with it. I functioned. But the moment the beauty of nature made me feel a small bit of harmony.

Meeting Odin after all this time and after our last encounter had been strained but I did understand his reasoning for sending me away and for erasing me from Loki's mind. He did want to protect me. He had been shocked with my new look and had offered to remove the snake, but I denied, for now, I still felt it appropriate. 

It was odd being back at the palace and I missed having a meaningful task, such as the working with the village. I thought being back would make me feel closer to Loki but in fact, it made me miss him more. I realized I wanted to go back to Valtakuntaun and carry on the good work there, it would also help with my pain. 

I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the sounds and smells I could make out when suddenly the vision behind my closed eyes blurred and I had another vision, but this time, I was right awake. 

I glare at Thanos, I think I might have underestimated him. I must not let him know this, he shall not find out that I'm beginning to fear him. I try to focus. All that matters is he will help me to become king after all.  

He walks over to me with the Scepter at last. Power. They will bow down to me, those humans and I will be their just king. I will rule them as Thor is to rule over Asgard and as Father has done. I will bring peace and they will love me. 

Thanos reaches me the Scepter and I can feel the power flow  through my hand and into my innermost but not just power, it is as if something else is flowing into me too. No, it is more as if somebody is trying to take me over. I can not fight it..... HATE; VENGENCE;  RAGE; VIOLENCE, NOW GO AND TAKE OVER EARTH......I'm trying to find ..me... but it appears that I can not other than follow the command...I want to fight it, but I don't want to fight it ...it's so very confusing....FIGHT

I can see the humans, they seem hostile...FIGHT...but...FIGHT, THEM THEY 'RE NOTHING. I can not control him any longer...who is he....Thanos?...Me? ...another me? I give up......RAGE; RAGE....

He was gone again, the vision had stopped, the last thing I had seen was me, as Loki fighting the humans that had surrounded me, with means of the Scepter. I yanked open my eyes. He was alive!!!!! Such were my first thoughts and my heart seemed to burst. Then I went through what I had just experienced, I shivered although it was rather warm, thinking about those strong feelings of hatred I had just now experienced as Loki, they had been different to the rage I already knew from him, more sinister, truly evil. Loki was alive, I was quite sure of it, but he was in trouble. Things were grave. I went in search of Thor. We needed to find him and do something!