He Steals Your Phone

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Eugene: He'd post tweets from your account saying things like "Eugene is the hottest, best, most perfect guy I know," and everyone would tweet, furiously or excitedly asking if you were dating and every time it happened, you had to explain that Eugene had stolen your phone during a meeting or at lunch and that you were just friends and co-workers.

Keith: Keith would take stupid selfies of him making dumb-ass faces and often times getting other co-workers to take selfies with him. If you couldn't find your phone, might as well ask anyone on your floor, because chances are, Keith came through with it on a selfie spree.

Ned: Ned would post Instagram pictures from your account that he took of you mid-sneeze or half-blink and would start laughing super hard. You'd always know when he had your phone because he couldn't stop laughing.

Zach: Zach would be sneaky about it but would always forget to close tabs. He constantly misplaced his phone so he'd just go 'borrow' yours. You'd found all the tabs open in Safari every time. Any search from 'List of Harry Potter Ravenclaws' to 'Siri, how hard can a dick get' had been searched by him on your phone.

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