Distance // Draco Malfoy

Chapter 59

Today is the first Hogsemeade trip of the year, and I am supposed to be going with Draco. Since the start of the year, he has hardly spoken to me, and he almost always isolates himself from the other Slytherins, and so far I have pitied him greatly, and given him the space he clearly needs. He has appeared thankful. However, I can't help but therefore feel lonely, and feel as though he would rather be almost always on his own, and I've been contemplating my options. I thought of breaking up with him, but I just can't - I love him too much, and although he's spacious, he has not hinted that this is what he wants to happen. In all honesty, I hardly ever see him around anymore.

But last week, whilst I sat in the library with Hermione, and we both scrawled away at an Ancient Runes essay, and looked for any reference to the Half-Blood Prince, I felt someone tap my shoulder, and spun around to see Draco standing behind me. I couldn't help but notice that (if possible) he was paler than usual. 'Draco.' I breathed, seeing him smile weakly.
'Can I talk to you a minute?' He mumbled, almost inaudible, and I obliged with no hesitation. I rose from my chair and followed him around a bookshelf, where I leaned against the shelf, scouring the names of the books on the opposite wall where Draco was leaning against a desk.

'It was just about the Hogsmeade trip, if maybe we could go together?'
'Yeah, of course. I've been meaning to speak to you about that, actually, but I hardly ever see you.' I took a step forward and took his hand in mine, and he looked down. 'Draco, be honest. Is everything alright?'
'Why wouldn't it be?' He asked sharply, and I felt I'd offended him.
'Have you not actually heard yourself recently?' I asked him softly, nudging his chin so he looked me directly in the eyes. They were emotionless. 'Your eyes . . . they're baggy, and look like they've lost their light. Your hands are cold. You carry yourself funny, and are much paler than you usually appear to be. You don't speak to me anymore - or anyone, for that matter - and you can't concentrate in lessons. You're certainly not on good terms with McGonagall, you've stopped with doing your homework. You snap at people easily, and treat me indifferently to them. You don't even put the effort in to call Hermione a "mudblood", which you always do, despite my hatred of it. You've changed. It's rather scary.' He sighed and looked away from me, rigid.

'And I didn't want to tell you, for I feared I would upset you, and I felt the need to give you as much space as possible, and I didn't countenance my choice but I knew it was best, but my actions have been beyond pusillanimous, and I know that, but I was worried about what would happen, but I felt graveled, and, to me, you feel untenanted mentally, and -' I stopped and sucked in a breath, panting, for I forgot to breathe. I held my head in my hands, but Draco didn't move. Eventually, the cold hand put itself upon my shoulder. 'I'm worried about you, baby.' I muttered, 'I'm really worried.'
'I'm fine, you have nothing to worry about.'
'Oh, Lord! That's the biggest obloquy I've ever heard in my life. I can't not be worried when you're not acting yourself because I care for you all too much.'

Draco was silent a moment. 'You know that you talk posh when you're not feeling great, don't you?' I couldn't help but laugh, and he cracked the smallest smile.
'Yeah, I do.' I stood up on my tip-toes to kiss his lips, and his arm wrapped around my waist, and he held me closer than he'd ever held me in my life. 'I'm sorry.' He whispered, and unsure if he wanted me to hear, I remained silent, but shook my head against his chest slightly, just in case. When he let go of me, and released me from his embrace, I said, 'Do you want a hand with your homework, then?'
'What do you mean?'
'Well, you're really behind, I just thought you might want a hand.'
'So, basically you write it and I sit there and watch you?' He smirked.
'If you want.'
'Hit the nail on the head.' He smiled, kissing my forehead.

Yet, as of present, I am standing in the Entrance Hall, and he is nowhere to be seen. Harry, Ron and Hermione told me that if I needed them, or vice versa, simply find them around, and it seems probable that that meeting place will be the Three Broomsticks. Dean and Ginny are approaching me, their hands locked. I can't deny that I find them undeniably sweet. 'Hey, Alyssia.' Ginny smiles, and Dean greets me similarly.
'Hey. You haven't seen Draco around, have you?' I ask them worriedly.
'No, sorry. Ron told me you were supposed to be going with him today, actually. He isn't even with the Slytherins from what I've seen.'
'Oh.' I feel crestfallen as the doors open. 'Well, thanks for the help. I'd better find Hermione.' I smile, scurrying away, weaving my way through the crowd, thinking. Would he actually blow me off like that?