Distance // Draco Malfoy

Chapter 80

Harry, Ron and Hermione left after a few days, after I inisted they did not wait around for my recovery. I promised them that, within a few months, I would see them again, and demanded that in no more than three months they are back here to pick me up. They agreed. Thus far, two and a half months have elapsed since then, and I am doing well in my recovery. After a week of purely putting on water weight, with an allowance of two pieces of toast and butter each day, my stomach began to expand. I started eating soups, and was soon able to move onto real, proper food. It was a glorious day.

Two months later, I am now fifty per cent heavier than I was a few months ago. I eat three meals a day, I drink plenty of water, and I take regular walks on the beach to get some fresh air into my lungs and to start regaining a quality of life, free of the stress and worry of Malfoy Manor.

It was during one of these beach walks, when I was sitting on the sand, breathing in the sea air, that I heard a voice that startled me so that I screamed slightly.

'Lovely view.'

I turn around and gasp. How is he even here? Draco takes a few steps towards me, looking seriously at me. 'I am glad to see you are making a recovery, and at such a good rate.'

'What - what are you doing here? How did you find me?' I back away from him as I scramble to my feet. Draco tries to approach, but I move further and further back, brandishing my wand.

'I overheard the address Ron gave that elf. Don't worry, there is only me, you are safe here, I promise.'

'Leave me alone, please. Leave me alone.' I moan, my hands in my hair.

'Lyssa, please. Just listen to me, I'm begging you.' I look at him seriously.

'What is there to say, Draco? I have nothing left to say to you. You're a cruel, cruel man.' I spit, turning and walking away. He grabs my arm.

'I am not letting you leave me again. No, I was broken when I saw you come into that room, and even more so when I saw you leaving. I can hardly believe you're even alive.'

I take in his composure. He is thin, with bags under his eyes, and has a pale complexion, yet he dresses as usual in all black - black trousers, shirt and blazer.

'What do you want?'

'You say I neglected you? You wouldn't even fucking speak to me. I brought you water, you wouldn't face me, I brought you food, and you were asleep. I tried to touch you through the bars, you threw me off. What more could I do?'

'Hmm, I don't know. Get me the fuck out of there!'

'You know I couldn't do that. I couldn't do it. I would have if I could have.'

I can't look at him, I feel exhausted. I am reaching my limit with the drama of this relationship, the expectations he has of me are too much. A hand dashes to my face - I realise I am crying.

'You still love me.' His voice contains a flicker of hope. I say nothing. 'Is that true?' I can't speak. I turn and try to walk away, but he follows.

'You left me a whole year trying with you. I gave everything to get you to show some affection, and you shut me out, cast me aside. You tortured me on his command. I tried so hard with you - I cannot give you anymore. You want too much!' I cry.

'Do you love me?'

'Please, stop, stop!' I scream, sinking, covering my ears.

'Do you love me?'

'Please, Draco, stop!' I cry.

He sits on the floor beside me, takes a breath, as I sob. 'Let me explain. Please, Lyssa, I am begging you. I am nothing without you. I have nothing to live for unless I have you. Please, please just listen!' He is crying at this point. I look at him, so vulnerable and desperate for my attention.

'Okay, five minutes. That's all I'll give you.' The relief that floods his face is obvious.

'Five minutes, okay.

'I know I have been unforgivable. I had to protect you. He told me if I didn't do as he said, he'd kill you. I had to shut you out, keep you safe, and tell you I didn't want you. I had to, baby. I always loved you, it was the hardest - the hardest thing I've ever done. And I couldn't bear it, I could have easily killed myself - I was so low, and so down, and I had to do it, it was all for you. And I didn't want to torture you, you know I didn't, I had to, or he would have killed us both.

'I haven't stopped thinking about you. You are the first thought when I wake and the last before I sleep. I wonder if you have lived every day, I listen to the list of missing and dead on the radio in case I hear your name, I'm terrified I'll lose you forever. I need you, and I know you need me. What has your time been like without me?'

I don't reply for a minute. 'Rough. It's been rough for a long time.'

'Don't you want to go back to the old days?'

'Of course I do, but we can't! It's not that simple any more, we fight for different sides now, we haven't been ourselves since fifth year, really. I'd love to go back, but we can't. Our whole world is falling apart.'

'I can't be without you.'

'I can't be without you, but I have to be. I have to hate you, and you have to hate me. That's just how it works now.'

'Let's just run away together. Get married, live in the countryside somewhere, get away from it all. No one would trouble us.' He moves closer to me, and turns my face to his. I sigh.

'I can't. You know I want to leave it all behind, I can't. And nor can you. It won't be long.'

'But if our side does not win, we could die. One of us will die.'

'Don't you say that! If your side wins, then yes, I will die, but my side? I don't think so.'

Draco grabs hold of me by the waist and pulls me onto him, kissing me passionately, pushing me back on the sand and his hands caress my hair. 'I love you.' I murmur into the folds of his shirt.

'And I love you.'

He smiles at me, genuinely, the first one I have seen for years. 'If I never get to touch your lips again, then I will remember the feel of them so much better now.'

I place my head on his shoulder gently, and rub my eyes to check this isn't all one big dream. 'Don't leave me.' I murmur, saddened.

A whoosing sound. 'Alyssia?!' Shit. Harry, Ron, Hermione. My bliss is broken, and suddenly it's back to normal, daily life again. I miss my Hogwarts days.