how to make a mixtape :: mgc (fin.)

31. crazy & housewarming gifts

Alejandro is watching TV once I come back to the motel. I don't greet him, although he does acknowledge me with a basic nod, before digging his hand back into the packet of chips he bought a couple days ago. I took one of the amphetamines an hour ago after Ashton bought me some Té-A, and I feel them beginning to kick in. I don't feel like sleeping anymore, and I actually have the energy to have the stuffiness of our room flare around my little frame and open the windows like a normal person.

I breathe in the air. "Has it always been this hot?"

Ale looks at me, bewildered. His hand is dipped midway into the bag of chips and I roll my eyes, snatching them from him.

"Give them back," he says, but I scrunch up the top and leave it resting on the window sill. Which, I must add, is speckled with grime and dust. I try my best not to gag, and Ale continues with, "I haven't seen you been so active in the longest time."

My head burns, and I don't look at him. It's dark outside - it's almost ten at night - and for once, I don't feel tired. I hang my arm out the open window and take a long look at the cigarettes resting on the desk. I'm pretty sure they're Scout's - the lipstick stains and the Marvel comics lighter resting beside it says it all. I face the empty courtyard outside the motel window again. A fox runs across the grey expanse and into the copse of trees far away, leaving a pattering sound on the echoey floor. Taking the clozapine packet from my bag, I take out the pills one by one. The powder makes me cringe; I clap it off over the window. Taking the pills, I go to the bed near Alejandro.

He watches me skeptically. "Why are you wasting all of them? You're going to need them, later. We can't afford to buy any more packets."

I throw the pills at him. They land scattered across the bed, bouncing around. He glares at me.

"What the hell are you doing?" he says, standing up and brushing himself off. "You need those pills! Why are you chucking them around."

"Don't you dare try to tell me I need these pills." Something bursts inside my stomach, and heat rises to my fingertips. I clutch the front of his shirt, and his eyebrows narrow at me. My knuckles fade white. "I do not need clozapine. You and that little girl - you and Scout - have been giving me the wrong drug... and you knew you were. You were watching me eat all that food, gain all that weight, sleep so much, and believe I was mad this whole time. You gave me those goddamn pills for what? And then you think you can remark how active I've been lately?" I laugh spitefully. "Bullcrap."

His cheeks are red. "You need those pills, Maricruz. You're psychotic."

"I am not. Don't call me psychotic." I grip his shirt tighter, before letting go all together. "I am not psychotic. I'm normal. You are a horrible brother. You let me suffer, Alejandro." I bite my bottom lip, and shake my head. "You don't give a damn about me."

He shoves me into the radiator. Something digs into the small of my back, and I bite my lip harder. Blood slips into my mouth, and I gasp, shoving my brother back. A rush of anger floods through my body, and I shove him again. I see him grimace at me, his eyes stern, and he takes a fistful of my hair, pushing me to the ground. The impact rattles through my skull, and I can hear my breaths heavy in my ears. The room is blurry, and the backs of my eyes are blazing.

A whisper brushes my neck, and I realise Alejandro is only a few centimetres away from me.

"You aren't normal. You think you are, now, but you're going to crack. Just wait."

And he's gone.

+++

After two weeks, we have the shop back.