Jake

Untitled Part 18

I didn't want to live. When he hurt me, I wanted to committed suicide. Was I not good enough? I didn't have a purpose with out him. Jake Turned my world around. You don't know how many times I would cry to sleep cause I had no one. When someone texted me I was so happy someone took the time to say hi to me. It showed me someone cared a little bit. I didn't care how much they cared just that they cared a little was all I wanted. I felt like a loner all the time. I never once looked in the mirror and agreed I was beautiful. No one ever told me, no one ever tried to get me to fit in. But with Jake, people want to talk to me cause he made me talk to them, he told me I was beautiful, and he wanted to include me in a conversation. Even the littlest things he did made me feel better about who I am. He was my first love. I will always remember my first love. Ever 20 years from now if I'm married it would still be a tough decision if Jake came back to me. Your first love is the person you learned about love with. The person you gave your heart to the most and was sure he would keep it safe. I remember when me and Jake would lay on my bed and tickle me until I stopped his hand and he grabbed mine and we would hold hands just laying there. I remember when I was making cookies and Jake kept eating the cookie dough, so I threw flour at him. Then we had a big food fight, he put icing on my face and threw sprinkles to stick there. Then while I was laughing, cause I gave him a icing mustache with sprinkles on it, he lifted me up and kissed me. Half his mustache was on my face then. Jake and me rarely fought. I guess I can say I missed him. So I wrote a letter. Of course I would never send it though.

Dear Jake,

I shouldn't miss you, but I do. What you did was totally wrong and you should of never did it. You should of never kept it from me too. I can't believe you cheated on me for her. I guess I wasn't good enough for you anymore. What happen to us? I remember stepping on that bus like any other morning, miserable like everyday, But then I saw you. I didn't know you would be my world or break my heart a thousands times. I mean just break my heart, break it a thousand times, it was only ever yours to break. But, that's just what you did, break my heart a thousand times. Remember when I wouldn't kiss in public cause I was scared and embarrassed, and you told me that love for each other should never be scared of judgement or embarrassment? Or the time, we were on your couch and we were making out and your dog came in and started licking our faces and we just laughed and pet him? I remember the day you walked me home and hugged me and tried to kiss me. I was nervous and tried to escape your grasp. But I ended up kissing you. I thought you would leave, but you didn't. I'm sorry for all those times I screwed up with you. Now it's your turn to apologize Jake. I will forgive you, but I don't think it will ever be the same between us. You were my first love but there are plenty of numbers after 1.

Sincerely,

Jessica