Impossible Love

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It was kinda dark and I was wondering the streets alone. This probably wasn't one of my best ideas but I couldn't stand to be in that house any longer. All my mum and dad do is fight and they practically hate me anyway, I could never be the daughter they wanted me to be. I was never going to be as good as their golden child Melissa, my sister. You see, she was a singer and me, well I had the voice of a dying cat who's just had its tail stepped on. Yes, I'm that bad. I hated singing anyway, acting was more my thing. We moved to LA last year so Melissa could fulfil her dream, I didn't really have a choice in the decision anyways because 'I'm only seventeen and have nothing going for me anyway, so a fresh start wouldn't kill me' my mothers words. I have no friends out here, I have no one to talk to, so yes, feel free to call me Billy no mates. I don't need people in my life anyways, every time I've let people in my already shit life, they somehow manage to make it just that little bit more shittier.

So anyway, as I've already bored you with my life story, I will get back to telling you as to why I'm walking the streets alone at 11:45pm. It all began at dinner time. Mum and dad were arguing because dad had wanted to go out for dinner where as mum didn't. Yes I know, pathetic right? They always do things like this. I'm in a great mood and they have to ruin it with their petty little arguments. They know it upsets me, yet they choose to do it right in front of me. I mean I'm strong, but not all the time. So they were doing their usual shit, screaming at each other and then my mum comes over to me and starts screaming in my face because I'm a shit daughter and she doesn't understand why I didn't turn out like my sister. Why would she say that to me? I don't want to be like Melissa, I never have and I never will. To be honest she has the personality of a rat on crack. Who wants to be like that? Ugh mum really knows how to make me feel wanted. Whenever she gets angry, she always finds a way to put everyone else around her down, it's like if she's not happy then no one else can be. She kept repeating "you were a mistake". Those four words were swirling around my head like a spinning top. I wanted to say something back, something that would hurt her as much as she hurt me, but it's as if I go to say something but nothing comes out. Why can't I hurt her? Just once I want her to feel the same amount of pain and she caused me, but no. I couldn't say anything, I was left totally speechless. Tears started to fill up in my eyes, I couldn't let her know that she'd hurt me, that she was better than me. I just walked out. I couldn't be around her, not when she acts like this, which was most of the time anyway. This time was different though, those four words hurt so much more than anything else she's ever said to me. " you were a mistake", just wow. As soon as I closed the front door, tears spilled my eyes and I just couldn't stop. As if I didn't hate my life enough already, she had just made me feel like the smallest person in the world.

As the wind blew through my hair and my tears rolled down my cheeks, I started to get a bit dizzy. The world around me had begun to spin. Wow. Maybe this is what it feels like to be high. That was impossible though, I hadn't done any drugs. It was probably from me breathing so fast from the pace I was walking. As everything began to slow down again, I started to realise that I didn't have a clue where I was. I didn't recognise the neighbourhood and I couldn't see any signs. I started to get a bit worried and my breathing dramatically increased. I started to spin, my brain couldn't take it all in, my body felt week and before I knew it, my knees had collapsed from underneath me. Ouch! My ass smacked the floor with a lot of pressure. I had to take the weight off my ass, so i laid down, the sky was so breathtakingly beautiful. You see, if I actually could be bothered to move, then I would get up, but I don't want to move because then I will have to go home. Well, if you can even call my house a home. I thought 'home' is where your family is? Well then I don't have a home because of my shitty excuse of a family. I know I sound mean, but you don't know what it's like. It's just so hard and I'm about ready to give it all up.

As I lay there, staring at the shimmering diamonds above, I start to think about where I might have gone wrong in life. Maybe if I'd of turned out like Melissa then my parents wouldn't resent me so much. Maybe things would of been easier is I wasn't born. I hate feeling like this, but it's their fault. They make me feel like this, like I'm not worthy of even being alive. The things they say, it makes me hurt. It shatters my heart into a million pieces, as if it's made of glass. I just want it all to stop, I just want to be treated like Melissa, without actually being Melissa. I guess I just want to feel loved.

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Hi guys. Thank-you for reading it so far:)) I don't know if I should carry on so tell me what you think? Sorry, I'm kinda new to this. But anyway, byeeeeeee:)

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