No Love Lost (Reylo, Star Wars)

Chapter 7

This chapter contains mature content.

Ben's POV

I can't take it anymore. I must tell someone. Anyone. The pain is too much, the voices too consuming. It's a constant struggle for me to focus on anything, let alone stay conscious. So, I do the only thing I have the willpower for. I visit Rey.

Getting out of bed in the middle of the night is no easy task for me, but the voices have kept me awake. I dress quickly before leaving my room quietly. I staggered out, my palm touching wall to help me keep balance. Suppressing the need to cough, I walked slowly towards the other side of the temple. The pain was becoming unbearable, especially since I had very little sleep over the past few days. All I could think about was Rey. I clung onto that thought, forcing myself to continue walking to Rey's room rather than turning back.

At last, I had arrived. I wanted to slump to the floor and sleep for a decade. Right now, even a century sounded better. A bloody vision flashed in my mind. Maybe sleep wasn't such a good idea if my nightmares would plague me so. Taking a ragged breath, I straightened up a little. I raised a hand and knocked on Rey's door. I was worried that there would be an echo of the knock, but was surprised when I could barely hear it myself. For a few moments, nothing happened. I was actually kind of glad to turn around and not have to confront Rey. I turned around, preparing to make the long walk back when the door to the room opened and a hand grabbed my wrist. I felt my heart quicken. Turning, I wanted to cry. How could I possibly dump my troubles onto her? Rey grinned sleepily, her hair slightly messy.

"Hi, Ben", she yawned as she opened the door a little wider and pulled me in gently. I was so going to regret this.

Rey's POV

Pulling Ben into my room, I closed the door behind him and turned on another light. I plopped onto my somewhat unmade bed. I raised my head to see a slightly stricken Ben standing quietly by the door.

"There's no reason to be scared, Ben", I teased.

I patted the space on the bed next to me. Ben hesitated, but relented and lay down as well. I rolled over to look at him. He turned his head a little to look at me. My heart fluttered a little when I saw Ben's warm brown eyes and dark black hair. I smiled sadly, knowing that something was wrong.

"Tell me", I whispered whilst tousling Ben's hair.

It was something that I sort of did out of habit now. Ben stiffened and took my hand, placing it on the side of his face. I shivered. I mean sure, the room was kind of cold. Ben pulled me towards him on the bed until our noses were almost touching. I could feel his breath on my face.

"You know I love you right?" Ben asked suddenly.

I was taken aback.

"W-w-what?" I asked nervously. "What are y-you saying?"

Ben smiled grimly. "Forgive me."

He leaned forward and kissed me. My mind was screaming with thoughts. A part of me was saying, "This isn't right. It's not the way of the Jedi." Another was saying, "You knew this would happen! What did you expect? You know you love him." I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to rush this. But if I pulled away, Ben would think that I didn't have the same feelings for him. And I did. If we continued like this, both of us could get in trouble, but was the love worth it? Thoughts raced through my head.

'Screw this ', I thought rashly.

I suddenly wanted more. Ben's lips mashed against mine, our teeth clashing. I returned the kiss. We pulled away, gasping. We looked at each other. There was something in his eye, something I couldn't quite place, but my frenzied feelings at the moment made me ignore it.

I grabbed at Ben's wavy hair, asking for more. Our foreheads bumped, but I didn't feel any pain. All I could think of was Ben. Ben. My Ben. The lovely stranger I met in my childhood. The man I loved so much. Sure, we were years apart, but none of that mattered. What mattered was that we loved each other. I pulled away.

Neither of us said anything.

I rolled onto my back.

By the time I had recovered, I realized I had been crying silently.

Now I knew what love could do to you.