golden boy ✩ mashton ☑️

Chapter 5: Feelings Progress

Michael opened the door slowly, peaking around the corner and saw that Ashton was in fact asleep. He stood there for a second, noticing that Ashton was frowning. He probably hasn't gotten any sleep in a while, so he decided to just let him rest. As the pink-haired boy went to close the door, he heard Ashton say his name.

Ashton sat up from where he was positioned on the bed and pulled his knees to his chest, smiling timidly when seeing Michael walk back in. Michael sat down in front of Ashton, not knowing what to say first. He wanted to say a lot of things, but Ashton might not want to hear it right now.

"Did you tell?" Ashton finally spoke up and Michael was aware of the fear that was deep in his hazel eyes, however he was confused as to why.

"What?" Michael asked and Ashton bit his lip to stop tears forming.

"D-Did you tell anyone about..." The curly-haired boy pointed to his wrist and Michael instantly shook his head and reached for his hand.

"No, no, no. Of course not." Ashton was relieved, but then he realised that he had a panic attack for no reason. He felt like an absolute failure.

Ashton looked down, letting out a whimper. "I just... I panicked," Michael pulled Ashton into a hug, gently rubbing his back and leaving kisses on the top of his head. Ashton was in such a distressed state and he hated seeing him like that. He wished there was something more he could do, he cared about Ashton so much.

"It's okay, you're okay." Michael whispered. "Do you want me to get my Mum to pick us up?"

Ashton pulled away from the hug, shaking his head and wiping his stray tears. "Um, I might get in trouble."

"Why would you get in trouble? I'm sure they'll understand if you talk to them about what happened." Ashton sighed, because no they wouldn't understand. Well, maybe his Mum would; but frankly he wasn't ready to talk to her about it. He didn't know if he would ever be ready. He didn't know if he could trust them as well as he trusted Michael. That may sound terrible, but he couldn't help how he felt.

Although, Anne did seem like she cared when the incident with his father occurred. Unfortunately, it doesn't make up for all of the times she's never been there for him. They didn't even know he self-harmed. Ashton didn't think they cared anyway.

He wasn't even sure why Michael cared. Ashton thought he was lying about caring for a while, but now he truly knew he did. He didn't know if he wanted to let Michael in, but the pink-haired boy knew what was happening and figured Ashton needed someone, and Ashton was glad he finally did.

"They won't understand..."

"You never know-" Michael started, Ashton cutting him off and saying bleakly,

"I don't want to tell them, okay?"

"Okay, I'm sorry," Michael said genuinely, lacing their fingers together once again; not aware of Calum glancing through the window with a jealous expression on his face. The curly-haired boy smiled a little at the feeling of Michael's smaller hands in his large ones, and realised that he didn't want to stay at school.

"Can we actually go to your house? I don't wanna stay here." Ashton knew that if his parents found out, he'd get in trouble, but that was only if they found out.

"Yeah, I'll go and ring my Mum." Ashton nodded, watching Michael walk out of the room and a few seconds later, in came Calum. Ashton didn't know what to say, he wasn't exactly expecting Calum to come in. He didn't think he cared. Although he probably didn't anyway.

Calum stood there, not knowing if he should sit or not, but then Ashton answered his thoughts.

"Can you sit down? You're making me nervous."

"Why am I making you nervous?" Calum asked, walking over to the bed and sitting down; Ashton shrugging his shoulders.

"Can you tell Luke that I said thanks for helping me?"

"Sure," Calum smiled at the boy, earning him to smile back. "Are you staying at school?"

"No, I'm going to Michael's." Calum felt a slight pang in his chest, but he had to get over it, and so he just faked a smile and nodded.

"Fair enough. Um... anyway, I just hope you're okay." Calum glanced at his hands, still feeling jealous at how close Michael and Ashton were. He wished that they could be like that. Ashton frowned, hesitantly placing his hand over Calum's, earning the raven-haired boys' heart to race. Ashton didn't say that he was fine, because he didn't want to lie to Calum; so he stayed silent.

Calum glanced at Ashton's lips, desperately wanting to feel them against his own, however, he couldn't will himself. Suddenly, Ashton quickly pulled his hand away when Michael opened the door. The boy looked upset, and that's when Ashton knew he saw. It wasn't like Ashton and Michael were dating and besides, him and Calum only held hands, it wasn't that big of a deal to him.

"My Mum will be here soon, we should go and wait." Ashton nodded, standing up from the bed and saying goodbye to Calum. Ashton slung his bag over his shoulder and left the room with Michael, making his way past where Luke was waiting for Calum and smiled at him as a way of saying thank you.

Luke shot a small smile back, hoping that Ashton didn't think that just because he helped him that they were suddenly best friends. He didn't hate Ashton, but he didn't particularly like him either. He just didn't want to get involved with him and if he was being honest, he didn't want Calum getting involved with him either.

Michael and Calum sat down on the stairs outside of school, waiting for Karen to arrive. Michael wanted to confront Ashton about what he saw, but he didn't want to scare him off by being clingy. But he knew the anxiety he felt wouldn't go away unless he asked though.

"So... Is there something going on between you and Calum?" Michael asked, feeling uneasy.

"No, why?"

"Just wondering." Michael sighed, and Ashton looked at his feet which were lightly scuffing the cement.

"Would it matter if there was?" Michael was silent for a while, thinking about the question.

"...Yes..." Ashton tried to hold back a smile, but he couldn't. He turned towards Michael, kissing his cheek and held his hand.

"Then there won't be."

[a/n it's my birthday today! i'm 17. but i wanted to give you guys a little present  ♡✧]