Tear of Winter [complete]

PART 5

I run as fast as I could to where she is. I was too scared to get close but gathered enough courage by grabbing her in my arms to rush her in a nearest hospital. When I was about to use my hands to grab her it just went through her body. It seems as I keep grabbing her my hands can't make any contact at her. I was shock as I look at my own self, it seems I was somewhat a ghost. I'm transparent and I can see through my body.

"No! No no no no! This is not right! I'm going to get help okay? Just don't die!" What am I doing? That's what I first thought.

I want to think that this is just a dream. I want to think that I'll wake up in this nightmare where everything will be alright. I want to think that this is really not happening. But even though I tried my best many times to open my eyes it's still the same. Same scene, same woman and same situation. I'm trying to convince myself that she's still hearing what I'm saying right now. As I keep talking I tried my best to hold her cheeks, to comfort her, to say that everything will be alright as I'm going to help her but nothing happened. My hands keep slipping through her.

I cried as I try grabbing her over and over again. I know I look stupid, I can't even touch her but still I was determined to not loose hope. She's already there in front of me so I won't let this bad ending happen. As I stood up and look everywhere I saw no trace of human being. The only people in the area is me and her.

I tried to talk to her again one last time; "Please stay alive I'll just look for someone to help you. I'll be right back!" My vioce keeps trembling as I ran towards the gates. I know that there will be people roaming around outside. Even though the snow is heavy today the reason no person can be seen in her area is because she is located at the depths of the forest. But if I manage to go outside then it will be alright. I can ask for help.

That's what I thought again.

I finally managed to go outside. I saw a ray of hope when few people are walking along the alley. I try waving my hand at them thinking that they will notice me but I was wrong.

Nobody seems to see me. I tried to wave harder but no one's noticing me. Again I tried running towards them and I even attempted to punch a man who's walking peacefully listening in his ipod but it gave me the same results. I just went through him. Nobody can see me that's for sure. It means this is inevitable.

This scene. It means she is destined to die this day. It means I can't do anything about it. Darn it. Darn it! Darn it!! I feel helpless. This is the second time I felt helpless and I don't want this kind of feeling. it gives a bitter taste impression. The fisrt one is when my mother went missing. That's the time my grand mother told me she has eloped with another man and I can't do anything becaue I'm just a child that time. But this time I'm already a grown man so why is it still the same? I still can't do anything?! I don't know why I'm trying my best to save her. I knew this is already destined because if not I should be able to help her. Is it too late? Did God loose hope on me and I will eventually go to hell? I trembled with fear thinking about it. I want to save her due to that reason but something's not right. There's a feeling inside my heart that's telling me there is more than that. I couldn't understand that feeling yet and I know I'll be wasting my time if I continue thinking about it! She is already dying from blood lost in the middle of the forest! I need to do something quickly!

I really hated the snow. Now I'm really regretting that I stepped foot on earth while snowing. This will add up to my horrible memories about snow. What do I care? I'll die anyway and go to hell. I took a cigarette in my pocket for the last time I wanted to smoke. I haven't smoke for hours now and it's a miracle that I lasted that long. As I was about to lit my cigarette I just remembered something. An important memory that I already buried long time ago. I was so shock that my cigarette fell from the ground. I remembered this place now that's why I felt nostalgic. This is the place my mother usually brings me when I was a child.

What's this? Why am I crying?? I touch my cheeks and felt a warm liquid running non-stop. I am crying but why? It won't stop. I have to be tough! I'm a man for crying out loud so why am I crying now? I've experienced hell since the day I lost both of my parents. I even worked harder than the rest due to my situation. It's not easy to aim for the top especially to the likes of me who don't have any back-up. But I made it without regretting all the things I have done. Now all of those are useless. It's like a flood just washed away all the things I have done. Now that I finally remembered everything I now realized why I'm here, why I'm chosen to be in this situation and why I should be the only one to take actions.

"So you found the answer?" I remembered that voice. The same voice I've heard before I got unconscious in the parking area. The voice who helped and gave me another chance.

I look behind to see who it was. Before at the parking area my visions got blurry that I wasn't able to see his face. But now I can see it clearly. As I look to where the voice is coming from, I saw a man standing still behind me. A white man wearing a formal white clothes. He wears a suit type of clothes with white a white necktie. Well everything is white at him. His hat is also white. He is a bit old and I can see his beard color gray and white. He removes his hat and lower his head, maybe a sign of respect. But who is he? I don't want to believe it but I can feel his not an ordinary old man.

"Let me repeat the question again. Have you found the answer?" He was focused on what I was about to say.

"Answer? You mean what I need to do here in this situation at this time?" I am not sure if that's what his expecting at me. But I knew this scene I'm experiencing right now is a past. A past that I longed forgotten since God knows when.

He just smiled back at me and looked at the people who's just passing-by. I also looked at the direction he was looking at and out of curioisty I blunted out my feelings.

"You sent me here to see all of this right?" I felt angry that I want to release it because I can feel that it will burst out soon. "I know you've sent me here to see this scene myself so that I'll know what really happened before but I still don't get it. I have a lot of questions to ask you."

"You are chosen of all people walking in this earth." he keeps glaring at the people he could see walking nearby. "Even though most of them are also suffering. You of all people is chosen to be given a chance."

"But why me??"

"Because of her." He move her glare at the location where the girl I met supposed to be dying right now. "She was the one who requested it."

I was speechless.

"I know this may sound weird but since that day she has suffered so much. Yyou wouldn't thought how on earth was she able to withstand it." He smiled back at me again; "And I know you knew why right?"

I have an idea on my mind. I know what he meant by it.

"You know what to do right?" he keeps smiling even though the situation I am right now kind of hurts.

"I know but one last question." I know this may be the last time I could see him as I can sense it so I want to amke something clear. "What will happen to me after I do this?"

He stared at me silently. He didn't speak for about 2-3 minutes and then he sigh. He then walks towards me and pats his hand in my shoulder; "My son, I know you have an idea already. I can't change the past. This was destined to happen and so does your life after this. All I can do is to make it feel ease for both of you." He then walks away behind my back while talking. "I know you have a lot to say at her but time doesn't wait to humans. Humans should be the one to treasure every single time you got. Every time is like a miracle that God gaves to you. Don't waste it."

I gust of wind suddenly blew and before I could open my eyes he was already gone.

I know this is painful. If I can hold time I want to keep this specific time for a while and burst out all my frustrations. I am wrong and I already knew that it will hunt me sooner or later. But I didn't expect it will be too soon. I now know what to do. I gathered courage again to face my greatest fear and that is to know the truth.