Waiting for Superman ~ Part 3 (3rd & Final Book of Hero or Hellian Trilogy)

14

For the next week I spend most of my time sleeping and screaming and Jolin never shows. Christmas eve day I'm still black and blue but have the strength to stay awake and vow that I will help with Christmas eve dinner.

Laughter fills to kitchen as we three girls tease and talk while preparing dinner which ends up delicious. Jo El's boys and their wives and kids join us for dinner and we have a wonderful time talking and laughing, the best therapy I could have but when the party is over I find myself lonesome.

Colette and Tink have become instant friends just as I knew they would and I tell them to go clean up the living room while I clean the kitchen.

I don't hear the truck pull up or the front door open but as I stare out the window drying the last plate I feel his presence and begin to shiver.

I turn slowly and for an instant I believe I am dreaming but I quickly realize that he is really here.

He wears a white long sleeve shirt with dark slacks and suspenders, his typical Mennonite wear and I honestly don't know how to react. In his hand he holds a newspaper and I know he knows what I have done.

I wish he was not present because it makes all of this real.

He stares at me across the room and calmly asks, "Are you going to tell me now what is going on?"

I don't answer and rage quickly fills him and he slams the newspaper down causing me to jump. "Tell me!" he demands.

Still I cannot say anything and he slams his fists down causing the table to vibrate and make the dishes clang which sit upon it and I wonder if he is going to start throwing them in rage.

He is so angry and I can tell he wants to break something but instead he leans on his elbows on the table and drops his head for a long time.

When he looks up there are tears in his eyes and he pleads, "I have to know. Please say anything. Tell me your real name, tell me if this is true. Tell me anything. Scream at me, do anything, just talk to me."

Tears began to leak from my eyes and I set down the dish softly before I say, "My real name is Juliette, the girl you met before I was kicked out of the world I knew. I was hired by Levi to do secretary work."

He stands up straighter and I continue. "I was a gypsy. The gypsy girl you saved from being raped and called Jette but loved it when you and only you called me Jetta on one occasion."

He wipes his tears away in an irritated manner as I continue. "While working for Levi I also lived the life of the English. I had a boyfriend in the city and had no contact with the Amish unless Levi brought them to the cabin in the woods where I called my home. I caught my ex cheating and broke up with him but he threatened that he would have what I refused him. The next day was when I saw you at the gun shop and shortly after was when you rejoined Levi where you know what happened until the night you left. I never meant to lie to you but I was selfish and didn't want you to leave me again like you did the day I was abandoned and shunned by my gypsy family, the day after my father passed away."

I have to hold my hands over my mouth to muffle the sobs and he just watches me as I desperately try to keep from eye contact as I go on.

"After you left, I was able to rekindle with my best friend who was also a gypsy where we planned our departure from Lancaster in a few months. One day we decided to go to New York where we came upon and gypsy wedding which was my little sister's. I was able to make amends with my brother and baby sister before..."

I sob and find I cannot stand and so I go to the floor where Jolin comes but he does not touch me and keeps his distance.

Between sobs I say, "The gypsy you fought has had a crush on me and... and when I told him he and I would never be an item because I was married he... I lose it and sob hard for a few minutes before I gasp out in shame. "He... he... he beat me and raped me in the alley."

Jolin bows his head and I continue, "My ex from Lancaster found me and tortured and raped me for days before dumping me in the woods."

Another roar of sobs sips through me, "Merlin found me."

Jolin looks up knowingly as I tell him that I was tortured, starved, and whipped until the day he came when they were going to cut me open as a exorcism act.

For ten minutes I sob again and it hurts so much for I am exposing everything to Jolin and it hurts the worst because he doesn't even touch me.

"I... I knew I couldn't live in fear anymore and that was when I snapped... I killed Allan, Stefan, Tyson, and Merlin. I killed them."

This time the sobs are uncontrollable and there seems to be no end. "I'm sorry." Is all I can say between my sobs. Over and over again I say I'm sorry and still he doesn't touch me until I am spent and question whether I can stand or even stay awake.

When I look at him he is looking down at the floor still with hazy eyes.

He feels my stare and looks up at me and I notice his eyes are misty and when he speaks, it is with a shaky voice, "I had no idea."

I look away feel so ashamed and he says, "All of this has happened because me of. It is my fault you are even in this situation."

"You didn't do anything except break my heart." I reply knowing it is a dig and after I say it I regret it but I dig even more. "I thought you would always protect me!" my voice grows with every word and they keep spilling out until I am screaming and crying, "You were supposed to protect me!"

I fall to my knees and sob even harder than I had before and this time he comes and wraps his arms around me and holds me and I cling to him as I cry and shiver. This was how it was always supposed to be, to fall in his arms and have him hold me.

"You were not supposed to leave." I sob and pull him closer and then again I'm saying, "I'm sorry" over and over again until I regain control and together we get to our feet and I am able to look him in the eyes and what I see is pain. Pain I just caused him, pain I have endured, and pain because we both know we love each other.

"I'm sorry." He says and kisses my forehead and I feel I can finally relax because he is there and I have faith we can work this out but then he releases me and... leaves.

*~*~*~*~*