Friend, Please (A Tyler Joseph Fanfiction)

Chapter Four

Now, after deciding on a meet-up place, I'm currently driving towards Starbucks. We figured it's the best place to just sit down and talk. Luckily, I find a near-by parking and walk the rest of the way. Tyler is standing outside already which makes sense considering the park he was at is not too far from here.

"Hey Shay," he says as he smiles at me. I smile back and attempt to respond just as excitedly, but instead, my "hi" was so quiet that the sound waves probably didn't even reach him. Does that even make sense? Let's just say it does. "Would you like me to order our drinks while you pick a seat?" he asks shyly.

"No, I'll just stay on line with you if that's ok." I know what he's trying to do here and I'm not sure how I feel about it. He sighs, but still smiles at me.

"You're really not going to let me pay for your drink?" I smile widely and shake my head in a child-like manner. "Please let me buy you a drink, it's really not a big deal." We argue back and forth for a while until I give up.

"Fine, just buy me the drink. I was just refusing your offer to be polite anyway. Usually I would never refuse free Starbucks." Tyler laughs at this and I admire his facial expression as he does. This probably sounds creepy, but he just has the kind of laugh that makes everything okay for a little while.

After we get our drinks, we take a seat by the window. For a while it's silent, but not awkward. I feel comfortable with him.

"So why aren't you spending Christmas with your family?" I ask suddenly. He looks into my eyes and I let my eyes wander.

"I love my family, but...I don't-" he pauses. I notice that his finger starts twitching and I immediately regret asking my question. "I want them to have fun and I feel like when I'm around, I kind of prevent that from happening. It's as if wherever I go, a black cloud just follows me around."

"Well, you're with me and I'm having a good time," I say in hopes of it cheering him up. I'm not the best at talking about feelings or cheering people up, but I'll try my best I suppose. As a response to what I've said, Tyler nods his head and smiles. I can tell he doesn't really believe me though.

"Why aren't you with your family Shay?" I freeze at his question. Like I said, I'm not the best at talking about feelings. I like Tyler, but I'm not sure if I can open up to him yet. The only person that knows how I truly feel is Mal and I don't even know how to tell her everything that's on my mind. Tyler notices that I suddenly look uncomfortable. "You don't need to tell me if you don't want-"

"No, it's ok. You answered my question so it's only fair that I answer yours. I guess the reason I'm not with my family is because they don't need me to be there." I wanted to stop there, but he gives me a confused look so I continue. "My family has always been really close, but when my sisters got older and they got into serious relationships, they were pretty much doing their own things and taking care of themselves. At that point, my parents really only had to take care of me, but I grew up pretty independently considering my sisters were always together and I never really had somebody by my side all the time. My parents took advantage of my independence and they used that as an excuse to throw themselves in their work more. Prior to that, I was already dealing with a lot on my own, but it got really bad for me after that. Now when my sisters come to visit, my parents pay so much attention to my sisters so I know that they have it in them to be great parents, but they kind of chose to...not be there for me. Maybe it's my fault though, for pushing them away when they were there." I take a sip of my coffee and avoid eye contact with Tyler as if directly looking at him would show him more than I want him to see.

"I know we just met, but I feel like we can be good friends," Tyler tells me. "Obviously you're going through more than you're willing to tell me right now. I'm going through a lot too. If you let it happen, maybe we can help each other."

I think about what Tyler is saying. I also think about the fact that no matter how hard I try, I can't open myself up enough to allow someone to see how I feel. It's not that I don't want to. It's just that I know there are people going through more than I am and I just feel very uncomfortable when I talk about what I'm going through.

"Tyler, I'll help you in whatever way I can, but don't let me bother you with my problems. I think I can handle them myself."

"But I want to help you. I hear a second voice behind your tongue somehow and I think that if you let people in more, maybe you can get the help that you need. Let me help you Shay."

I don't know how to respond to him. He clearly cares about me for whatever reason and I feel horrible because I'm not worth it. Tyler is a great guy, but I don't deserve somebody like him giving me all this attention. I know that I'll just disappoint him in some way so what's the point in allowing us to get close?

"Shay please," Tyler speaks up again. He holds my hand from across the table before continuing what he was going to say. "Just let me in a little. Let me try to help you." It's as if my eyes are glued onto the part of the table where our hands are interlocked. I can't look anywhere else. I remember that Tyler was actually speaking and after I realize what he was saying, I pull my hand away and place it on my lap. The look on his face after I did that crushed me. I'm already messing everything up.

"Ok, I'm gonna try because it's not that I don't want to let you in. I'm actually just scared that I'll let you down so before we start talking about our feelings, I would just like to apologize in advance for disappointing you in any way."

"What makes you think you're gonna disappoint me?" Tyler asks. I sigh at his question just because I feel so mentally tired and I really don't think I could handle talking about myself anymore.

"It's just that when everything about me started changing, I let a lot of people down. I still do let a lot of people down. It's kind of my thing I guess," I explain. Tyler nods and I can tell that he can relate. "Um yeah, so it's getting kind of late and I think I should probably be heading home now."

"Yeah, you're right," Tyler says as I start to gather my things. "I can take you home if you want."

"No, but maybe I could be the one to accompany you," I say as a small smile makes its way to my lips. Tyler laughs awkwardly because clearly he has forgotten that I am the one who drove here. He is about to say something before I wave my car keys in front of his face and his laugh lost its awkwardness.

On the drive to Tyler's house, we talked a lot about the kind of music we listen to and some of our favorite movies. It was a simple conversation, but it was comforting. Usually I would avoid conversations with new people so it's been a while since I've had to get to know someone. Mal and I talk all the time, but with Tyler it's different. I'm not sure why or how, but it just is.

"When do you think we should hang out again?" Tyler asks as I park in front of his house.

"Maybe after school starts again. Just because I plan to sleep and watch a lot of Netflix for the rest of break." Tyler found my reasoning to be amusing. I wasn't going to sugar coat it because I really do not plan on doing anything that involves leaving my house. Winter break is meant for Christmas and sleep. A lot of sleep.

"Cool, so I'll just text you later, ok?" Tyler asks and I nod while giving him a small smile. We give our goodbyes and Tyler goes into his home.

While driving to my house, I sit in silence and try to prepare for whatever is going to happen when I go home.

Author's Note: I'm not sure how this chapter is because I wrote it a while ago and I was meaning to go through it again and change it up, but I never got the time to so I'm just uploading it the way it is. Also, I know there's a song reference somewhere in here, but Tyler isn't famous in this book. I just thought it seemed like a good place to throw it in.