Push. //Jai Courtney Fanfiction

twenty-five

Ayla

March 16th:

Leaning against the railing out front I tilt my head back and feel the sun really hit me for the first time here.

I haven't worn a swim suit in forever, and the last time I did, I didn't feel comfortable at all. Today was different. It felt good. I felt like me. I really felt like embracing my curves today. It felt good to have this me back. Damn, I missed her.

"Ayla, seriously, you're showing us up in that suit. Well actually, both of you are," Amanda gestured to Kate and I.

"My fucking tits are nonexistent in this thing, meanwhile, yours are coming out to say hello."

Kate chuckled.

"Don't be hating on my boobs. You know you love them," I say, without looking at her.

She sighed, "You're right."

Right now I was focused on this nice hot sun hitting my body. And Jai. He's all I've been thinking about. For about two weeks now. Ah, hell, who am I kidding. I have been thinking about him every day since we met. It's just the past two weeks, my attraction to him has grown. I didn't think it could, but it has quadrupled. My heart feels huge. Being close to him is something that I crave. This is a feeling I can honestly say I've never had before. And it scares me.

Not one of my relationships in my life have I felt this. I've ever had this overwhelming desire to be near someone before. Why was he so special? He just was. He is special. He's more. God, I need him. What am I doing? Why am I waiting on something that my heart has been screaming about for weeks? Because he's leaving soon.

In a week he'll be gone for three months. And he may forget all about me for all I know. Okay, I know he won't forget me. But he might meet someone while he's filming. Some gorgeous actress. Some gorgeous nobody. Maybe. Maybe not. Ugh, I don't know. Having the old me back is fucking with my head even more! I have feelings for someone, and I haven't told them yet. I'm afraid to because he's leaving in a week. Shouldn't that be more of a reason to tell him? What if he doesn't feel the same? What if he actually does think that I am damaged?

He told you that he didn't think you were, you fuck!

God, my mind is a maniac. I blame him.

Him. Finally the guys come outside in this heat. Dylan is apparently holding all their towels while Joel and Jai carry a cooler.

But I can barely see anyone or anything but him. Everything else is a blur. Oh my God. His body. His arms. His chest. Holy shit.

The hair on his chest sitting on top of those gorgeous muscles... It was enough to make me wet. Jesus, what was I thinking? Calm down, Ayla.

I already had a fondness for his arms. Considering that's all I've really been able to see this time of year - back home. But now, his arms looked better. Looked bigger. He looked bigger. He looked... Beautiful. He was perfect.

Must stop staring. Stop staring. Stop-

"Alright, let's get this party started huh?" I say with a big smile.

Holy shit, I can't even look at him without feeling my entire body blush. I feel like a teenager with a crush.

Walking slightly in front of him, I try to focus on something other than his body. But it's no use. Its stuck in my head. And I'm going to be looking at it all weekend. And that is totally fine. I silently laugh to myself and bite my lip thinking about it.