Pain is Life

Chapter 5

Coming to Geography was so humiliating. Every was looking at me and whispering. Even Jake who was talking to Rocky. Rocky probably told him about all my other humiliating things I've done too. Jake probably thought I was a freak.
I wanted him so much, but I tried to avoid him everyday. I didn't need another stress in my life.
The couple of weeks passed, and my father moved out. He gave me a lot of hugs and left. Just like that. It hurt so much. I cried all day.
A week after my father moved, I got used to him not being there, but it wasn't the same. I still missed him a lot.
Avoiding Jake was hard, and I felt all awkward around him. I'm sure everyone has known the feeling of wanting something or someone but not being able to get it. It's so stressful. Sometimes it makes me feel like cutting my head off with a butter knife.
With depression, it's really hard to concentrate on school when you've got a storm of stress on your head. I was passing all my classes, but mostly with D's. That was the least of my worries though.
I often visited Bob when I went outside. Winter was coming, which I didn't like because I couldn't always go out and enjoy nature because it's too cold. I hate playing in the snow. My favorite season is Fall. I savored the season because Winter was almost here.
Luckily, I hadn't ran into Dayla that much, and she started to bully me less. I think she completely forgot about me, but Rocky was still on my tail.
He did his best to ruin my life. One time, he switched my fruit punch with ketchup so I drank it and it was too late. I hate ketchup! He also constantly threw his sharpest pencils at me and called me inappropriate things. I've gotten the finger countless times from him. He always was whispering to Jake when I was around trying to avoid them. I hate him!
I think Jake got sick of Rocky badmouthing me because he tried to avoid him whenever he whispered. They eventually stopped hanging out. I thought that could be sign. Then I realized Jake had a girlfriend already.
One day, I was looking in the mirror, and I realized I was super ugly. No wonder nobody liked me. I was so hideous. I mean, most people have at least hit enough puberty to like like teens, but I looked like I was eleven. My legs were hairy as crap. I was too skinny, you could see my backbones. The only thing puberty seemed to do to me was give me bad acne, which is not a good thing. So I looked like an eleven year old with bad acne. And I'm actually 14.
Realizing I was ugly put a new burden on me. I couldn't wear shorts because I had to cover my hideous legs and I don't think I would keep up with shaving. I would probably cut my skin a million times with the razor too. I had to cover my face as good as I could. Unfortunately, no hats and hoods are allowed at school, so I just had to deal with the ugliness.
Somehow I'd survived school to the middle of October. It was hard. It was only gonna get worse though. Yay.