Pain is Life

Chapter 8

There was a lot of drama going on at school. Rocky and Dayla had a huge fight and they hate each other. Everyone was mad because he cancelled the Halloween party. I was responsible for all of this.
Halloween came, and I was stressed out. It was me to blame that a lot of people had nowhere to go. I felt bad that I was the reason Jake had nowhere to go. It was horrible.
On Halloween, I sat on the couch and handed out candy to kids. It was nice to feel appreciated by them. No one ever appreciates me.
A lot of people who were supposed to go to the party went trick-or-treating with their friends and I'm guessing they egged and toilet papered houses too. Our house got egged by a bunch of high schoolers.
I put on the mask that Bob and I had made, when we were making cool Halloween masks one year. It used to be our favorite holiday along with Christmas. The mask is red with two little horns sticking out. It has black stripes and yellow dots on it along with really furry eyebrows.
There was a big surprise that night. I went to the door to give candy, and it was Jake. He was trick-or-treating with his friends. His girlfriend wasn't there.
We had a short conversation while his friends waited for him, then he offered me a Starburst. I took it and thanked him. Then they left with their big bags of candy.
I ate that Starburst as soon as they left and was smiling like a maniac again. It didn't last long as usual, and I was feeling all guilty and depressed again.
After we stopped getting trick-or-treaters, I went outside and cleaned the eggy and toilet papery mess. It was disgusting! A gooky egg mess is so gross!
When I went to school, people were talking about how they egged houses and toilet papered them. They also talked about how they went to scary haunted houses and saved their girlfriends from murderers, which was totally not true because knowing them, those wuss bags would be dead.
Jake was talking about how he had a great time and his girlfriend couldn't come because she was sick. That's why she didn't come. It made me kind of disappointed.
I trudged through the couple of weeks after Halloween in guilt, then I eventually started feeling less guilty.
My grades were not good. They were so not good, that I was getting a summer school threat. I know. That was bad.
Thanksgiving was approaching, and I was dreading it day after day. My family would be coming over, and I don't like my family. They're so annoying and weird.
My mother made me help her plan Thanksgiving meal, which was about the only thing I liked about the holiday. We were gonna make stuffing, the most flavorful turkey, peppery mashed potatoes, bacon green beans, a green bean casserole, John Legend's mac and cheese, southern biscuits and gravy, nasty salad, pumpkin pie (which we would buy), pumpkin rolls, and carrot cake. It was a heavenly meal that we would make every year for Thanksgiving and family members would bring some more food too.
My depression carried on as usual, and Thanksgiving finally came. I helped my mother to make the giant Thanksgiving meal, and it took forever! It was worth it though.
The first person that came, was my Aunt Georgia. She automatically started annoying me about how I should grow my hair and give it a perm. I didn't want to add any more tangles to the tangles of life I already had. I didn't need them. She tried to bribe me to do it.
My Grandma Jojo and Grampy came next, and they gave me too many hugs and kisses and made me kiss them back. I did not want to kiss their old wrinkly skin, but I did anyway. They brought me a bunny sweater too. I pretended to like it, even though I absolutely hated it. My mother made me wear it the whole night.
The rest of my family came, and it was too loud for me, so I went to my room and cried.
I really started to miss my father. His side of the family didn't come, so there was less people than usual, but not much of a difference. Most of them live far away.
My mother called me down for dinner and I sprinted. The delicious food scents were creeping in my nose.
We said the grace, and I was thinking about how angry I was at God because of what he was doing to me. My family didn't notice I wasn't saying it, probably because they all had their eyes closed.
I pigged out. A lot. So much, that I puked right after. I don't know why, but I cried. Probably because the puking wasn't gonna help me gain any weight. Probably lose some. I went to my room and stared out the window. I listened to Bruno Mars and sobbed with Bob floating in my thoughts. I sure loved him a lot.
If he was here, we probably would've been the happiest couple ever. We'd probably eventually get married in the future too. Instead, I'm the saddest single. If Bob was here, I wouldn't have to worry about Jake. I'd already be with my soulmate. But God doesn't want me happy. He hates me and I don't know why.
My family left, and I fell asleep. I was really tired.