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"Don't Be Such A Beach" - And Other Dad Jokes by Jakob Frost

Week 7, Day 1 (continued): 

We were perfectly fine sitting in silence but then Jakob the genius decided it would be a good idea to start cracking dad jokes. Earlier when Hunter was screaming because there was a moth in the car – while Phoenix was complaining about how we were distracting them and how Hunter screams like a girl – he was screaming for help from Jakob. In a dead serious voice he responded, "Jakob is dead. You're next. Love, moth." Hunter screamed more and I forced Phoe to open the window. He was crying until Jakob started again, "So I heard men with smaller dicks are better fathers so I guess when I become a parent I'm going to have to apologize to my kids." This leads to a groan of annoyance from me and a sniffle from Hunter. I'm pretty sure Phoenix zoned out a few minutes ago. "So when I came out to my dad I was like 'hey dad I'm bisexual' and he was like 'hi bisexual I'm dad.' So yeah I didn't get kicked out of the house."

"Now I know where you got your sense of humor from," I slouch in the front seat.

"Only from the best," Jakob said.

"We're here!" Phoenix declares as they pulled their little car into the parking lot of a deserted beach.

"Where is here exactly?" Hunter questions.

"The beach, obviously." I reply.

"Okay but how is this a perfect place? We've all been to beaches before." He retaliates.

"It's perfect trust me," Phoenix sighs as they pull out a bag from the trunk. "I have a few ideas. Jake, grab the basket for me please. It has all the food in it." Jakob's eyes widen at the mention of food and he runs to grab it.

"Y'all run along, Fifi here and I will take care of everything." Jakob doesn't take his eyes off the picnic basket.

"Wait one more thing," Phoe digs through their bag and pull out a small tin. "It's time to dye your hair sweetie and you're not protesting with me. It'll only last five to six washes, don't worry." I roll my eyes but grab the container from them anyway. Hunter takes my hand and we walk down towards the beach.

"I know you think this isn't anything special but I think I've been to this beach before." I assure Hunter.

"When were you here?" he inquires.

"In a dream."

"Oh yeah? Tell me about it," He smiles at me and we walk closer to the shoreline.

"I was, like, eight so don't judge me. But I was a water fairy and I had to take care of all the beaches. Anyway one day I woke up on this beach and had to pick up all the trash. There were so many people here that day. Now it's empty."

"I have no idea why, though. It is really very pretty. I've never seen a beach before with mountains and rocks. The water doesn't seem too warm, in fact, we'd both probably freeze if we tried to go in."

"It does look tempting, though. The water is clearer than anything I've ever seen. From afar, it looks like a mix of your eyes and Amy's. At first it's a green, something like the ocean and a tad bit lighter than your eyes but then it gets to be a deep blue which is what Amy's eyes look like whenever she wears her blue polo to class." I look at the lake.

"Nobody wears their polos." He shrugs.

"I suppose your right. Hey, why don't we sit down? We don't want to get too far away from the food...I mean Phoe and Jake."

"Sure," He plops down onto the dry sand and I sit next to him. I want to be closer to him but I'm afraid that he's in one of his moods again. Almost reading my thoughts, he scoots closer to me and puts his arm over my shoulders so I'm nestled in his torso. He doesn't have much muscle but he doesn't appear to have any body fat either. "Tell me something about you that no one else knows." He states.