Bloodless Day

Making Peace

BD came home three days later.

The night was a still one. Comets rushed across the sky and galaxies spun and stars flashed, but on earth the grass was painted a deep blue, touched silver by a waning moon, and only the softest of winds blew past as grooms unloaded BD and Goodie and Spain, as hushed voices led them to their separate boxes. Hooves clopped softly on cement aisles and faded into the swishes of shavings as they were put away. Inside the barn was still and warm, until somebody clicked on the fans. They whirred softly as the three stallions bedded down for the night.

I know this, because I was there.

BD snorted softly, suspiciously as he entered his stall, lifting a considering back leg before he flared his nostrils and caught my scent. Silver steaks of moonlight slashed across his cheek, darkening his eyes until they were unfathomable craters, making him more dangerous than anything I'd ever known. Nighttime spun him into a magic midnight horse, beautiful and unknowable.

I rose from the floor once I was sure everybody had left the barn- nobody knew I was here, not even my parents- and softly tread across the shavings towards BD. He halted, just a silhouette, tense and unapologetic. My hand reached up to touch his muzzle, but then I stopped.

"I'm sorry." He flinched at my voice. "This is all my fault. You're the greatest racehorse that ever lived, BD, and I robbed you of your chance."

Silence overtook us, and all I could hear was Goodie chewing on some hay and crickets buzzing. But inside, I felt some knot of grief working loose. My past wasn't easy, and it made me who I was, but I couldn't let it continue to mess with my future. I could mourn the dead, but I had to stop hurting the living. 

Then BD placed his nose into my hands and breathed deeply, and I knew all was forgiven.

*****

"Easy there, fella. I don't mean any harm to you or the girl. Steady..."

My eyes slanted open to reveal a framing of BD's knobby knees, a shocking flash of red hair, and flattened ears. Disoriented by the strangeness of the view, I scrambled awake and stood on unsteady legs, reaching out to brace on anything I could. My arms found balance on BD's solid side.

"Ned?" My voice placed the Irish brogue before my mind did. "What are-"

"Waking you up." The stablehand appeared suddenly far away from the stall door, out of reach of BD's fangs, and shot me a reassuring smile. "I guessed you might be here."

"Who gave you the clues?" I asked dryly, raising a hand. BD came over and lowered his head hopefully for a treat, abandoning his terrorizing of Ned. "Thanks bud."

Ned nodded. "I'm glad to see you made amends with your horse. And Jack did. He went over to your house this morning only to find you missing."

"Why'd he go over to my house?" The sky was unfolding its sunrise to reveal a typical summer day- lazy, swollen with heat, one that promised bareback rides and swimming in the creek and lemonade on a porch. So idyllic. So unattainable.

Ned shrugged. "Why does he risk life and limb to gallop in a circle on an unruly colt?"

Love? Adrenaline? The answers to the two questions were not the same, and if they were I didn't really want to know.

Then, Ned said, "you might want to go to his room. There's a few people that want to see you."

*****

Jack's room was almost the exact same as it had been earlier this year. The TV was on this time, volume turned to low, and there was a new framed photo of BD crossing the finish line of the Kentucky Derby, Jack standing in the stirrups, punching the sky. My throat tightened- I had ruined that joy.

Three glares swung to greet me. Lilac looked poisonous, Jack angry, and worst of all, Willifred looked disappointed. Ned had been too friendly to guilt me, but now I faced the friends I'd harmed. I stood in the door, looking each squarely in the face. I ruined this for them. Biting my lip, gaze cast to the floor, I said, "I'm sorry. I really am. This whole thing is my fault, and there's no taking it back, but I will be here one hundred percent from now on."

No response.

I didn't deserve one.

Then Lilac broke the silence, from her perch on the couch. "You abandoned your horse, Anna. I know you miss your friend, but you're not the only one who does. And besides, you have us now. We're always here for you. You cannot keep all of this bottled up until it bubbles over and you take it out on those around you, and that's not fair to me or Jack or BD."

"Or your parents." Jack met my gaze, eyes solemn. "Anna, they care too. When I went to your house this morning, they were frantic- had no idea where you'd gone to."

A pang of guilt shot through me. Would I ever be able to wade through a day without hurting people? I hadn't even thought about Mom and Dad. "I-" My voice faltered.

"Whatever," Lilac finally muttered. She turned her back to me and towards Willifred. "So what's the plan now?"

Willifred shook his head. "The Belmont is the longest race in the series, and a true test of endurance. Bloodless Day is tired. He's not super horse, he's not Secretariat. We have three weeks to feed that fire, and we're going to do it the same way as we did for the Derby. Anna, are you up for riding?"

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.

"Good. Take him for a trail ride- with Lilac, with Jack, with anybody but Wes. Stay away from that girl."

So everybody knew.

My face felt hot as I crouched down against the wall, lowering myself to the thinly carpeted floor. "No track work?" Jack asked sharply.

"Bloodless Day just suffered his first defeat. I think running him on the track right now would just send us backwards in his training. Will he be physically fit enough to run in Belmont? Sure. If he can throw a tantrum like he did at Pimlico and still run that race, then he can do this easily, if Anna doesn't drop kick us again." Whether they meant to or not, everybody looked at me.

"I won't," I mumbled, not rising to the bait. I deserved this and more.

Willifred nodded. "So I think we'll have a mock race before the real one- perhaps with Skip and Magic? That we'll let him win, to build back his confidence."

That was never going to work. BD knew the difference between a real race and a mock race, but Jack was nodding thoughtfully, as though the idea had its merits.

"Then it's settled. I've lost many a horse race because they just gave up after a defeat, and I'm not going to let that happen again," he declared.

We all nodded, but everybody knew that it wasn't up to Willifred- it was up to BD.