Bloodless Day

Rebalancing

Shamrock greeted me with a nicker as I entered her stall the next morning. I'd come especially early, walking all the way from my house with nothing but a coffee mug to keep me company. "Good morning, girl." I whispered, patting her awkwardly in the darkness, stiff from the cold and sore from the ride. "I'll be right back."
The mare resumed dozing as I slipped out. There was something nearly holy about the distilled quiet of the farm. It was too early for even the mist to wake up yet, and I tilted my head to study the sky. Stars burned and winked and glittered above me, spread across the black velvet sky. In California the lights of the cities hid the glorious sight from the population, something I'd never realized was lacking from my life. How can you miss something when you never knew you had it? How can you miss something when you didn't know it could be taken?
Bloodless Day's stall door faced the sliver of a moon, casting a faint but silvery glow onto him. He was laying down in his stall as I stepped up to it, leaning on the door and studying him. On the ground he somehow seemed larger, hooves curled under himself and head resting in the straw at an odd, almost contemplative angle. I stifled a giggle. For all the world he looked like an elderly scholar thinking about a question a child posed.
We stayed there for five minutes like this, and then I shifted my weight onto my other foot. Bloodless Day's head shot up. I caught a glimmer of eye as he scrambled at the straw for his footing, but before he could fully stand up, I backed away from the stall, tossing a carrot into the bedding.
"Good morning, BD."
I walked away, towards Shamrock and Holiday's section of the shedrow, but even as I stepped around the corner I could feel Bloodless Day's eyes burning into my back.
*****
"Surprise! Since your charges were already groomed, we can skip right to riding!" Lilac startled me from my daydream. "And you said you didn't like waking up."
"I set my alarm an hour early by accident." I lied, because it hadn't been by accident. The prospect of going for a ride cheered me, though. "Am I going to ride Granite again?"
"Yes- go get him and I'll go grab Skip and Holiday- Willifred wants me ponying him to work on conditioning. They're shipping up to Santa Anita tomorrow, along with a few grooms, so we'll have to pick up the slack this week until we go up with Dad on Friday."
"Your dad.... I haven't met him yet."
"He's been in Europe." Lilac said shortly, and she pushed out of the truck we'd been conversing in and walked away. I stared after her for a moment, then went to get Granite.
The bloody-shouldered horse wasn't in his stall when I reached him. He was kept in the stallion barn- a gelding between each stud, to prevent fighting- and was in the run out that attached to his stall, lumbering up and down the run with a lithe stallion galloping next to him, more fluent with his younger age.
I watched them for a moment. Somehow the scene reminded me of when She and I used to play tag when we were little, leaping and twisting over each other like the two horses were doing now, excepting for the fence in the way. Then I whistled and banged the halter against the feed bucket until Granite finally turned in and trotted into the stall, ears pricked and interested, not in me but in the prospect of going on a ride. I grinned and murmured nonsense to him as I quickly brushed him down and hefted the saddle over his back- Lilac told me he was 17.1 hands. That was tall.
"Ready?" I asked Lilac as I led Granite out into the sunshine. It was a lovely day, with spirals of clouds and a light breeze that brought in the scent of horses, something I was coming to love. Brisk, but not freezing, especially in my thick jacket.
"Check your girth." Lilac said.
She sat on Skip like she'd been born to ride, and she had. Her hands supplied just the right about of pressure to the bit as she held him in place, while keeping Holiday next to her. Stallions, I knew, tended to be more difficult to handle, especially together, but she seemed unperturbed by the prospect of handling them both.
I checked my girth and my helmet, then led Granite over to the mounting block and heaved myself onto his back, muscles protesting. We'd only walked the day before but my body felt as though I'd been put through a blender.
We set off, Granite happy and eager, tugging at the bit, and me riding as carefully as I could.
Behind the track, a trail wove it's way through the Kentucky bluegrass, leading up a gentle slope and into a scattered forest. I knew it from yesterday, and Lilac let me lead. Granite stretched down as we started up the slope, so I loosened the reins, and leaned slightly forwards, rising out of the saddle so he could lift his back and hind end and carry us up the hill, as Ned had taught me the day before. Our breath was foggy and blurred in the sharply cold day, and I looked behind me to see how Lilac was handling Holiday and Skip. All three looked happy.
Ten minutes into the trail, Lilac urged her horses forwards so she was riding abreast of me. "Want to trot?" She asked. "You remember how to post, right?"
"Sure!" I said, trying to sound cheerful, but really my muscles began informing me straight away that it was a terrible idea. That didn't matter so much- I'd been through worse pain. I was still going through it, and feeling this pain made me feel... alive. Usually I'd feel guilty for this, but on a wonderful day like this, the best thing I could do would be to live for Her.
Lilac pushed her two horses into a trot, and after a moment Granite followed suit.
I felt like I was swimming. We were riding on a faint slope, less dramatic than the slope we'd ridden earlier, but still enough of a slope so that Granite had to push himself up. The power he was using trust me out of the saddle. I bounced back into the saddle. My reins flopped and my legs swung back as I grabbed at everything I could to maintain my seat.
Posting.
Oh, yeah.
I shoved my heels down further and pushed myself out of the saddle, then back into it. Up. down. Up, down. Eventually I got the rhythm and riding felt easier. Granite snorted in relief.
Lilac stopped at the top of the slope and looked back at me. She didn't even look fazed by the experience. "You handled that well!"
I didn't feel like I had.
"Look out." She pointed back the way we came.
I halted Granite and looked out over the treetops we'd ridden through, at the sky, and at the farm. My breath caught. The shedrows were small and perfectly rectangular below us, the track a smooth, round thing freed by distance of any blemishes. Beyond that rolled the pastures, speckled with the thoroughbreds. "It's gorgeous! It's like a little map." I exclaimed.
Lilac's grin was warmth in the cold breeze that had picked up. "Want to find out why TBs are the best breed? Sit back and hang on."
Granite lifted his head and nickered, and I barely had time to look in front of us and see the flat expanse of grass ahead of us, when Lilac touched her heels into Skip's side and clucked, sending both Skip and Holiday into a canter.
Granite bounded after them, and I grabbed at the pommel of the saddle, preparing myself to be reunited with Her. Eyes shut and reins loose, I waited, but then I realized that Death hadn't approached me yet.
So I opened my eyes.
Wind shrieked past us, chilly fingers raking at my hair and Granite's mane. The ground rushed by, pale brown and here and there and gone and again. And we were flying. Granite moved smoothly and assuredly, up ahead the flying manes of Skip and Holiday and Lilac beckoned, and I could feel the rocking sensation of Granite beneath me. Regathering my reins, I felt for my balance, and squeezed my legs to his barrel.
Granite surged forwards, ears pricked and joyful. This is living, I thought, and then I couldn't handle the guilt, but Granite was happy and Lilac was whooping and this was living.
*****
"Anna..."
"No."
"Anna."
"Go 'way."
"Is this about Her? Do you want to talk about It?"
Against my will, one of my eyes slid open. Mom stared down at me, her face solemnly dark in my undecorated, too-white room. "What's there to say?"
"It's just unusual to be mourning for over a year. What day is this... four hundred and thirty?"
"Twenty nine." I muttered, despite myself. "And it's also unusual to lose your best friend before you're forty."
After my ride on Sunday, I'd gone home and curled up for the rest of the day, blatantly ignoring everyone around me. Today I rose extra early and snuck out to Piperson Farms, repeating my ritual with Bloodless Day, and rushed back home in time for school. Afterwards, I'd done my usual chores at the farm, but left as soon as possible. Today was just a special day dedicated to Her and thoughts about Her, and I was annoyed at myself for letting work get in the way of that.
Mom sighed. She was annoyed too.
"Anna, you've done so well this week. What happened?"
I lived, is all. While She cannot.
"Nothing. I'm tired."
Mom must have left then, and I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I remembered was my phone jangling threateningly in my hand, vibrating and flashing with two messages: (5) missed calls and "battery on 20%". Annoyed, I sat up, blinking sleepily in the dark, glancing at my alarm clock. 3:30.
"This better be good." I yawned into the phone the next time it beeped.
Lilac's voice was clearer than my thoughts as she answered, "My Best Boy's foaling. You might want to come and see it."
It took me two seconds to register that My Best Boy was Mia's registered name, and another two to slip on shoes and a jacket. "I'm on my way."
Excitement convinced me to forego telling my parents, because they would insist on driving me, and insist on getting ready.... no. Too slow.
I dashed into the kitchen and scribbled a note to them in case my phone really did die, and grabbed a banana. Soon I was pedaling my bike down the road, blowing easily past the nothing that made up the Kentucky winter landscape.
In no time I was pulling into the driveway, rattling up the gravel road and into the two year-old shedrow. I hesitated, remembering my ritual with Bloodless Day, and though I wanted to rush off to see Mia, this would only take a moment.
His lanky form was moving restlessly in his stall, snorting softly as I approached. My boot hit a rock and it made a scuffing sound, prompting the stallion to throw his head over the stall door. "Hey boy." I murmured.
His eyes narrowed suspiciously.
I shoved a bit of the squashed banana that I hadn't eaten onto the partition. "Enjoy your midnight snack."
Then I whirled around and dashed off towards Mia's stall.
Empty.
My heart stopped, fearing the worst.
Then Lilac appeared around the bend, waving. "Come on! She's in the foaling stall, we put her there the second she started acting weird."
My heart restarted, beating more quickly out of relief (and, okay, the adrenaline rush was leaving me). "How's it going?"
Lilac grinned as I joined her. "It's going. And done. But you'll get to meet someone special."
Disappointment at missing the birth, and then elation filled me. "Let's go meet her!"
"How'd you know it's a her?"
"I might have tried the stick and string thing the other day." I mumbled. Lilac laughed, and then we were in another barn I hadn't been in before.
This one was much cozier. The crunching of hay and a few soft, lights filled it with a small, together sort of feeling. The roof was low and the aisle wide, stalls bigger than the ones in the shedrows. A few mares looked out over the stall doors, and a curious little foal stared daggers at me as I walked by, but I only had eyes for the one stall with a few people leaning over it, talking in hushed voices.
"She's a big one."
"That could be a problem, usually the larger ones get lame before they even hit the track."
"Well, if the trainers gave them a few years of growing..."
"Not if you want a shot at the Derby."
They were already dismissing the filly's future? She wasn't even an hour old yet! Brushing away my annoyance, I followed Lilac as she walked past the grooms and into the stall.
Mia nickered as she caught sight of me. She was still laying down, impossibly large and brown, and a damp wad of fluff and limbs and knobby body parts was collapsed next to her. Lilac crouched at Mia's head and gestured for me to do the same. I did, closer to the foal than she was, and paid more attention to Mia than the foal so as not to alarm what could be a protective mama.
"Is this your baby? You did so good!" I exclaimed softly, scratching her favorite spots on her forehead and the base of her neck. "What are you going to name her?" My voice still was directed at the mare, but I hoped that Lilac caught the question.
"We're thinking My Girl. Like the song."
"Talkin' 'bout My Girl...." I sang softly, reaching out with a cautious hand towards the mass of filly, eyes on Mia. She watched carefully, but didn't look nervous. "I like that."
My hand connected with the newly born Thoroughbred. A soft equal emanated from her, and I caught an jerky, bobbing motion out of the corner of my eye. A laugh escaped me. "She's so awkward!"
"Wait until she's standing." Lilac said, amused. "Here, let me." I scooted over so she could access the foal, and continued heaping praise onto the mare. "What a big filly."
"Is that a problem? The grooms mentioned..."
"Aye, it is." I looked up at the new voice and saw an older sort of guy gazing at the scene in the stall with gentle eyes. His hair was graying, and I could see lines on his brow, but something in him spoke of a sort of measured energy "The bigger horses have more weight on their legs, and the high-impact racing has on them can affect their growth. But this little one might grow smaller. We can only hope."
"Jersey Boy is kind of big..." I said hesitantly. "Has he any problems?"
"Most racehorses retire sound." Lilac said with a withering look at the groom. "It's only a few that don't."
"But those few could be preventable." The groom said quietly, then turned and walked away without another glance at the filly.
"What was his name?" I asked, uncomfortably aware that I barely knew anyone's name at Piperson Farm.
"Frederico. He's been with horses for longer than Piperson's been around. Ignore his pessimistic view though- he worked at Ruffian's farm and knew the mare when she broke. I don't think he was her groom, but he was fond of her, from what he says. Ever since though, he's had a vendetta against us racing them too young."
"Ruffian?"
"First on the track, and never looked back." She said, and then smiled. "Have a turn at petting her. Then we should let them rest."
As I reached to touch My Girl, she shifted again, looking at me with liquid brown eyes. I marveled at her marking, just a little stripe that started at her forehead and skedaddled over the side of her face to wrap around her muzzle. "You precious thing." I cooed, awed by the fact that less than an hour ago she hadn't even existed.
Later, when she stood, I realized that I was watching new life, four hundred and thirty days after I'd watched death.
It was a much more pleasant experience.
*****
Okay guys! I'm getting super excited about this story because finally the plot is rolling and I'm building up the world and gosh darnit balancing Anna's pain with her fascination is so hard. She's probably the trickiest character I've ever worked with.
Anyways, like, vote, comment, scream, eat an acorn, and have a nice day! :D
Actually no don't eat acorns I think they're poisonous.
Signing off,
Iggy