Photograph [on hold]

Stress eating

I swallow, carefully picking up the package. My name is scrawled along the top in cursive. It looks familiar but I can't place it. The guys all watch curiously as I shut the door behind us. I make my way back to the living room, still shaking badly as I slide to the floor, package in hand. The package doesn't seem like much, just paper wrapped around something. A yellow ribbon holds it together. I slowly wrap the end of the ribbon around my finger, ready to pull. I mean it could be nothing, right? Sean's hand stops me, though. "I want you to know that there could be anything in this so be ready okay?" I nod, somehow finding the strength to pull the ribbon. The bow slowly unties, and as the paper falls away, the color drains from my face. I stop breathing for a moment- I can't remember how. "Sang," Sean reminds me, concern lacing his voice. "Breath." I try, but I can't remember how. Someone's hand is on my shoulder. I push it off, running to the bathroom. I make it before the acids in my throat shoot up. I heave, crying, trying to find air. I swallow before puking again. Somebody pulls my hair back, away from my face. I flush and somebody offers me a cup of water, which I greedily accept. I can hear shouting, but not louder than the voice that commands to give me space. "Sang," They say softly. "I'm ready," I say weakly. They guide me to stand. My knees buckle twice before we reach the living room again. I chose the couch this time, and the unnerving surprise is placed in front of me. "What is it?" Kota asks. I run my hand over the front of the worn down cover. My fingers graze the familiar pages as I frown, looking up. "It's my journal," I tell him, amazed but not happy. They all gaze on curiously as I turn to the first page. And there it was, scrawled across the page in black sharpie, the words 'You're stupid'. My fingers trace the letters. "I remember her," I say unsettled. "She was my evil step sister. She wasn't home a lot. Always was gone for days on end. But when she was around, she was the meanest. Tried deciphering it once to tattle to my step mom." The guys watched puzzled. "May I look at it?" Sean asked. I nodded, placing it into his hands. He flipped through the pages. "It looks like a mix of languages. I'm guessing you used Japanese and French alphabet to form English sentence structures?" I nod. "None of my family studied languages and if they tried to use the internet, nothing would work." Kota ponders this before nodding. "So what's in it you didn't want them to see?" I swallowed at the question but shrugged. "Nothing important. Sometimes it was my feelings. Sometimes it was stories I'd make up, or writing down a fictional character and recording our conversations. Or, if I really needed to get them out of my head, nightmares." I shuddered at the thought of them. I haven't had one for a whole but I felt like that was about to change. North's visible frown appeared, creasing his already unhappy face. To be honest, my face probably looked somewhat similar. Soon my journal was being passed around to everybody, and I tried to think when the last time I had written in it was. The moment it had been passed back to me, I flipped to my last entry. The date written across the top said 9/6/15. That didn't sound right- today is the 27th, meaning this was written 3 weeks before now. I haven't been to my step parent's house in at least a month- I shake my head. I didn't write the date wrong, did I? "Guys?" I say. All their attention is focused back on me. "This is dated three weeks before today...I haven't been to my step parent's house in at least a month. I haven't written in at least two." They all frown. "Well, unless you dated it wrong, someone else has written in it. Have you looked at the actual composition?" Mr. Blackbourne suggests. I shake my head before looking at the writing on the page. It's all in English, and the handwriting seems similar to my own. Was I rushing maybe?

My name is Sang. I am ugly and stupid. I don't have any friends. That's why I write in this journal. It's almost like having a friend.

Like my impression of you? I think I nailed it. You are so pathetic it's hilarious. Run along now, go and cry to your mommy and your imaginary friends.
Y. T.

A rush of anger sweeps over me and I rip the sheet out of the notebook, throwing it on the ground. I step on it two times before storming into the kitchen. Only Kota follows behind me. I kick the counter, and then the wall, and then the fridge before I pull out the leftover salad. Kota watches curiously as I add dressing and get a fork before plopping down at the table. I run my hand down my face before taking a bite. "Sang?" Kota asks confused. I sigh. "I'm stress eating, okay? Don't judge me." He tilts his head a little. I huff and take another bite. "Turn sideways in the chair." He says. "What?" "Turn sideways." I slowly comply, jumping a little when I feel Kota's hands on my back. He rubs in circles, which is surprisingly soothing. The guys soon join us after (I'm assuming) reading the letter. They look at me in question and when I don't reply, Kota answers for me. "She told me she was stress eating." I shove another bite in my mouth while Gabe came and kneeled in front of me. "You don't believe any of this do you?" He asked, waving the paper in my face. I shrugged, not meeting his eyes. "Sang," He sighs. "You've talked to me about this before. Do you remember that?" I nod. "Then I want you to talk to me now. Do you think any of this is true?" I fumble with the bowl on my lap. Gabe makes me look at him. "I mean it, Sang." I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. I close it and try again. "Um, yeah kind of..." Gabriel frowns and takes the bowl off my lap and sets it on the table. Then he picks up my hands and places them at one end of the top of the paper, words facing me. "Read the words again." I do. It makes me almost cry. Then he places his hands over my own. "Gabriel?" I whisper. He shakes his head and tugs on my hands. The paper rips in half. He holds up the halves. "Do you see these? Lies." He rips one half into two fourths and holds the other half out to me. I bite my cheek but take it. I can feel the eyes on me. My friends eyes on me. "Lies," I repeat firmly, tearing it in half. And then, despite everything, I start to giggle. Gabe cracks a smile. "Stop believing lies okay?" I nod, still laughing. And soon, everyone else is too.

Sorry that it took two days to update....but it was a good update, right? Builds suspense anyway. See you later have a good day!