Relapse (Phan)

FIFTEEN

"Jase?" I called, slamming the door behind me as I entered the kitchen of flat.

"Phil?"

"Jason!" I threw my arms around him and he held on to me so tightly I thought I might burst.

"I'm so sorry." He was crying and I felt like I might cry too, so instead I locked my lips with his.

"I don't want to talk about it," I whispered, our lips only inches apart. "Please."

"Okay," he agreed, lacing out fingers and dragging me to the bedroom where we fell in a pile on the bed.

"How was work?" I asked him, curling up in his arms.

"Slow," he said, kissing the top of my forehead. "What about you?"

"Eventful," I answered.

"Eventful?" he ruffled his brow, "What's that mean?"

"It doesn't matter," I shrugged.

"Yes it does," he insisted, "C'mon tell me."

"I shouldn't have even gone," I avoided the question, "I've had the worst headache all day and—"

"Phil."

"What?"

"Come on!" he poked me, "What really happened?"

I sighed, "Dan showed up."

"What?" I felt him tense a little, "What happened?"

"Nothing," I said, "He just turned up so I told him to stay out of my life."

"Really?" he asked.

"Really," I assured.

He took a deep breath. "I believe you."

"Good," I smiled, "I love you."

"I love you too," he replied, holding me a little tighter. "Hey, uh, Phil?"

"What is it?"

"Stace, um—she told me about the pills."

"What?" I asked, taken aback.

"Did Stace give you medication?" he asked. I was silent. "You can tell me," he reassured.

"Yes," I swallowed, "Why?"

"Could I have some?"

Shocked, "Oh," was the only thing I could manage to say.

"You don't have to, I just—"

"No, no, it's fine!" I said, getting up to get the bottle out of the pocket of my coat which was hanging on his desk chair. "That's just not what I was expecting."

"What were you expecting?" he ruffled his brow, "A lecture?"

"Kind of." I felt my face go red. I threw him the bottle and laid back down on the bed. I watched him dump several into his hand and swallow one dry.

"You want one?" he offered, holding a white capsule out to me. I laughed a little as I took it from him. "What?" he asked.

"I've never gotten high with anyone before," I said, turning the pill over between my fingers as I laid my head on his shoulder.

"Never?" he asked.

"Well, not like this." It was his turn to laugh. "What?" I asked as he giggled.

"What's that even mean?" he asked, "Like this?"

"I mean, I dunno," I shook my head, "Like, yeah at parties I guess but not like this."

"I get what you mean," he said, running his fingers through my hair.

"Have you?"

"Well yeah, lots of times," he said. "That sounded bad!" he recovered, "I just mean—"

"I get it," I said, sitting up. Maybe it should've upset me, but it really didn't.

"The first time, it was with this guy—I thought he was really special. He wasn't," he assured me with a scoff, "He was a total prick. But I was 16 and stupid and thought he was the best damn thing in the world." He stared at his hands for a minute, like whatever he was remembering was really painful to think about. "He used to sit across from me, like this," he took my hand and repositioned himself so that he was sitting cross-legged in front of me. He gave my hand a light squeeze before taking the pill out of my hand. "He'd say I was sick, like him," he said, rolling the pill in his palm, "He said, 'Jason'," he paused, holding the pill up to my lips, "You've gotta take your medicine." Our eyes met as I took it between my teeth and swallowed. It left a chemical taste burning on my tongue, but I barely had time to notice it before our lips locked. I was breathless, tangling my fingers in his dark brown hair as he repositioned himself so that his long legs were around me. My eyes were closed, but all I could think of were those eyes. Those big, brown, loving eyes. I pushed him over, playfully nipping at his neck, kissing his collarbones and shoulders, making him giggle.

"Phil, cut it out!" He laughed.

"But you like it!" I insisted, smothering him in more kisses.

"Phil!"

"Awe, come on Bear!"

"What?" I sat up, startled. Jason was staring at me, puzzled, a confused look in his eyes.

His eyes.

They were green.

"I don't know what I'm saying!" I faked a laugh.

"God you're such a lightweight," he teased, poking my side.

"Can I have another one?" I asked, pointing to the pills.

"I don't think you need it," he giggled, "But sure," he grabbed a pill from the bottle near his head and placed it on my tongue playfully.

"Oh, I need it," I smiled, desperate to seem fine. More than you know.