Her Brother's Best Friend - Aching Hearts Series #2

A consuming routine

CHAPTER 10 - A CONSUMING ROUTINE

Emily was lying awake on her bed, struggling to sleep. It had been such an intense night. The party had ended by half past midnight but she'd spent half an hour more with Dean, just chatting, which she'd enjoyed, but the bittersweet taste of regret that remained on her lips at the memory of what she'd been so close to and leaving Riley had tainted the rest of that pleasant night.

Now she was there, lying in her bed, thinking and thinking and thinking. A dangerous habit she really couldn't give up.

Spending time with Dean had been night, to the point that, wasn't it for that quasi kiss for Riley,Emily would have deemed that night quite perfect. She'd felt somewhat normal, somewhat ...lighter. Talking to Dean was fairly easy once gotten past his shy ways, and she enjoyed it, because it kept her every consuming thought at bay.

But ... now things got complicated, because Dean, shy and bashful Dean, before leaving, had nervously grazed his neck while warily asking her out on a date. And she'd said no. Without thinking. 

She'd instantly blurted out a no as soon as he'd asked, regretting it right after because of the hurt look on his face. She'd stammered some nonsense to explain, but Dean had simply shaken his head, sighing, defeated, pointing out a truth Emily didn't want to acknowledge: "It's Riley, isn't it? You like him."

Emily had blanched, her heart skipping a beat, but she hadn't found the courage to reply. It wasn't entirely true, but it wasn't a full lie either. She liked Dean, he was a great guy, and certainly, just a his sister said, he'd be one hell of a lady killer if only he wasn't so shy, but ... he didn't make her feel the same as Riley.

Dean was nice and he made her laugh, but he didn't give her that sense of protection and safety that only Riley could. He didn't give her Goosebumps every time he touched her ... neither did he scare her that much. 

Maybe giving a chance to Dean would be safer, at least for her heart, but it wouldn't be fair in his regards, would it? She couldn't just date him only to force her heart to abandon those wrong and dangerous emotions she felt around Riley. It'd be mean.

Emily closed her eyes, sighing. Riley would abandon her again, though. He'd leave, and her heart would ache. Again. 

He needed a girl that could measure up to him, in his eyes, she was only a child. That quasi-kiss was probably only due to the heat of the moment, with that romantic song and those thoughts about Elvis Presley's words being reality for them ... it was the perfect setting for romance. That's all.

Besides, he could have all the girls he wanted, why would he ever pick her? She was too young, too fat, too ugly, too insignificant for one like him. If he cared, it was only because he'd known her for so long. So what hopes did she have? Duh, she couldn't even hope. It was wrong on every level.

Then why did she crave it? Why did Riley fill her every thought even more than before? Why did her fingertips cravingly skim over his contact, needing to text him or talk to him ... 

Why did her lips still feel all tingly even if he hadn't even truly touched them? Why did she hug her teddy bear wishing it was Riley?

Emily rolled over on her side, tightening her grip on her teddy bear and pressing her eyelids, trying not to feel the ache in her heart. He'd left her once, he would again. And it would hurt. It would hurt just as bad as the last time, or maybe worse.

She bit down on her bottom lips to hold back her tears. Riley didn't know and never would, but he'd caused the worst damage on her. She didn't want to blame him, it was his due right to have his own life, but him leaving had torn such a hole in her heart, that he could never imagine.