Her Brother's Best Friend - Aching Hearts Series #2

Broken Bonds

CHAPTER 51 - BROKEN BONDS

As the clock struck 7 am, the alarm went off, and as a routine, he killed it with one rough punch that menaced to break the tool. One more sleepless night. Pills didn't help one bit, no matter what that freaking doctor said, but he wasn't gonna admit that out loud, no, nor would he show any sign of relapse. For what concerned them, he'd moved on with his life. After two years, nine months, and three weeks, Riley had moved on. Or so everybody believed.

It was easier to pretend, after all. That way he didn't have to endure their pitiful looks, he didn't have to worry about Jason and Renée and his mom and everybody watching his every move, as if he were a thoughtless child that needed to be saved from himself. 

They still feared he might harm himself, Riley was sure of that, no matter how much they showed nonchalance, he could see it in Jason's eyes every time he touched anything that might potentially become a weapon, be it a butter knife or a razor.

Robotically, Riley placed his feet on the cold ground, raked a hand over his face, and stood, heading to the bathroom. Moving hadn't changed anything, just because he'd changed apartment, it didn't mean memories had left him. They'd thought it would help, but why would it? The problem wasn't freaking Boston, nor the apartment, nor his hometown, the problem lied within.

Once in front of the sink, Riley opened the faucet, and splashed some water over his face. How long was it now? 43? 45? One hour more, one hour less of sleep, didn't really matter. Days went by meaninglessly, why bother if his brain refused to shut down? Sleeping, not sleeping, what was the difference? In the end, he still faced a world without her, so why bother?

Mechanically, he stripped off his sweats and t-shirt, and slipped under the shower, rejoicing of the chilly water, hoping it would wash away pain more than just drowsiness. Once ready, faithful to his unbreakable routine, Riley got out of his room, and headed straight to the door. Jason and Vanessa were in the kitchen, he knew that, but the lesser the contact with those pitiful gazes, the better.

In a way, for him it was better that now Jason had to mind his girlfriend, that way, Riley thought, he could at least gain some space. He knew his best friend was just trying to help, but really, he didn't need to be treated like a psychiatric patient in need of monitoring 24/7.

Yes, life was unbearable, yes, he did consider how lighter would he feel if he just gave up, but how would the others feel? His mom, his sister, his best friend ... in the end, Riley was well aware, if he kept going, it was only for their sake, not his. If he made the effort, it was only just so they wouldn't worry.

Winter was full on raging, there was snow everywhere, and Christmas was nearing, which inevitably brought back memories, those hard to erase, those that nipped at his core every single day, impeding him to spend more than ten minutes a day without dwelling in the past. It felt harder and harder to keep going every day, but in the end, there was no other chance.

Tucking his hands in his pockets, hiding his face behind the coat, Riley dived in the freezing weather of mid-December in Boston. His first destination was a small café nearby his workplace, where he usually got his coffee before heading to campus. 

Teaching had never been his goal, but when his old supervisor at MIT had offered him the position as TA, Riley hadn't seen a reason to refuse. 

The main pro was that he could get out of that apartment, afar from those monitoring gazes that followed him everywhere, and that was enough for him, being requested to engage in research as well was another good reason. Such job would swallow his time, making days just a little less hard to get through.