Her Brother's Best Friend - Aching Hearts Series #2

Chapter 14 - Don't leave marks

CHAPTER 14 - DON'T LEAVE MARKS

Emily sighed, gazing at herself into the mirror. She'd put on weight. Yes, she'd put on weight. She'd spent the last couple of days sleeping at Vanessa's, and there, she didn't have excuses, first because Mrs. Henson did not tolerate any sort of waste, food being too precious, then because, well, Vanessa, knowing about the relapse, severely controlled her best friend, just like every time.

Actually, she'd spent those days at Vanessa's on purpose, so that her best friend could better keep an eye on her. So Emily had no chance but eat everything that was offered but without throwing it up as she usually would. From that, the putting on weight, which was imaginary actually, but she saw herself as a whale, more or less.

Yet now that she was at home, getting ready for the bonfire party, Emily felt only fatter. She felt guilty because she'd eaten even too much without dropping one single pound, and because Vanessa was so strict to even check her index and middle fingers before going to bed, to be sure Emily hadn't stuck them into her mouth to vomit dinner, the girl hadn't had a chance.

Emily turned on her side and lifted her sweater, grimacing at the sight of that extra meat she needed to get rid of, the one that was barely there anyway. She was a very normal weighing girl, all the extra pounds she had didn't make her curvy, they just added a bit of flesh to her bones, overall, she was 150 but ought to be, considering her ideal weight she'd always been used to comparing to her actual one, because of volleyball, 135 pounds more or less, this meaning she was overweight by 15 pounds more or less. Absolutely far from real fat, but Emily only saw how her body was flaccid and how so different from the standards.

Why was it so hard? She did everything she could. Sure, there wasn't sport to help her anymore, but she'd followed every single tip she'd found online, like avoiding types of foods that couldn't be easily purged, or, if those foods were served for meals and she couldn't avoid it, she would touch them enough for no one to get suspicious. 

Sure, these past days having Vanessa so hot on her tow, checking every single thing she ate and what did she do in the bathroom didn't help her method, but that was just a couple of days, one can't put on that much weight in so little, right?

Emily sighed, lowering her sweater. Gosh, she hated her body. She hated herself. And it got only worse day by day. With her feelings driving her insane, her thoughts eating her alive, no way to escape from them, she felt exhausted. 

Being with Vanessa helped in that sense, her best friend stayed close, they always hung out, did everything together, to distract her, yes, but also to be sure she wouldn't relapse. Now the bonfire was up and Emily felt like a humpback whale stuck in a pair of uncomfortable jeans. Gosh, all of her jeans now felt so unfitting. Everything in her wardrobe was unfitting. Because she was so fat.

She plopped back on her bed and heaved a big sigh. What was it that Vanessa wanted her to repeat? You are amazing just the way you are. She even made her listen repeatedly to the homonymous song. Actually, every morning now Vanessa would wake her up singing that same song in her ear, making her giggle, and she'd even believe it for a while, only to then look at herself into the mirror and realize what a mess she was. To think that one like Riley had even dared kiss her. Was he blind or what?

Emily lay on her bed. She didn't want to go to the bonfire. It'd mean meeting all those people. It'd mean seeing Riley. It'd mean acknowledging that he was about to leave. Again. Tears fell on their own, streaming her temples as she stared at the ceiling.

She couldn't live with this pain. Those feelings were so wrong, so absurd, and he surely knew that. In fact he'd quit looking for her. He'd quit calling, he'd even quit coming over for dinner or anything. Maybe just not to see her. So she'd slept over at Vanessa's, thinking maybe the problem was her, it was her he didn't want to see.