Day 4:
I'm selfish. I have not considered the feelings of anyone else yet. But you know what? I don't feel bad about it. The only ones I care about are ALL DEAD. Especially you, Enjolras.
People walk past me on the street, looking upon me with contempt. Should I have died on the barricade? As to avoid the scorn? I am glad you died, when they look at me that way. You would have gone through the scorn. At least I am already scorned for being a drunk. You never were.
You were respected, Enjolras. Not simply because we had to, but you both earned and demanded respect.
I receive no respect, but nor do I deserve it. I never did. Would you have respected me? If I had confessed my love for you?
I just wish I knew whether you felt the same or not. Now I never, ever will.
I still don't think I truly have accepted that you are gone. Everytime I hear somebody come through the door of the cafe, where I spend most of my time, drunk, I half expect it to be you.
... I'm sorry. I realized I never signed these off before.
Lots of love,
R.
-note from the author: feedback is greatly, GREATLY appreciated. I really love getting responses to what I've written.-
