Fire in the Nothing (Jardougall)

Chapter 11

Tay called me a few times in the following week, but never left a message or a text. I ignored her. She came into the diner too a few mornings but I let someone else take her table. I was honestly so fed up with her running away every time we got close. It wasn't going over well with my self-esteem and it was so damn confusing. It made staying friends with her really hard. I went back to Alex's too a couple times. Even though he never did manage to satisfy me, I still craved the physical intimacy.

About a week after the Halloween party, I found myself leaving his place around 9 PM. I didn't like to stay over. It felt like I was tucking the last few scraps of my dignity into bed with him. I had been avoiding the streets that took me past Tay's studio lately but tonight I was lost in my thoughts, and I didn't realize where I was until I was right in front of her studio window. I tried to keep my eyes on the road but I couldn't help but sneak a glance into the brightly lit studio. My eyes landed on Tay. She was sitting at the desk, typing away at the computer. I guess she must have seen my shadow cast on the floor of the studio because she turned around and our eyes met. I froze for a second but regained my composure quickly when she stood up and began heading to the door. I tried to take off down the street but she was already stepping out.

"Jenna! Wait!" She called, hurrying over to me.

I took a deep breath and turned around.

Her eyes held so many different emotions that I couldn't quite tell what she was feeling. Excitement, guilt, concern, regret.

"Hey," I mumbled.

"Can we talk? You've been ignoring me," she said.

"I got busy," I lied.

"Well, would you at least come in? Please? I want to talk," she pleaded.

"Sorry, Tay. I have to get home. It's late," I told her.

"Where are you coming from?" She looked down the street, as if checking to see if there was anything open this late that might pertain to my interests.

"A friend's," was all I said.

"I asked Luke about where you were," she confessed.

I frowned.

"Checking up on me?" I mocked her.

A flash of guilt flickered in her eyes and then she looked a little sad.

"I was worried. He told me... you've been spending time with Alex..."

My heart dropped. Why would he tell her that? I trusted him...

"Is it true?" She pressed.

"What I do with myself is none of your concern, Tay. I'm tired of chasing after you. At least Alex knows what he wants and doesn't change his mind when things get heated."

She looked surprised at my stab, and then, dare I say, betrayed.

"Did you... sleep with him?" She asked, disgust tingeing her words.

"Oh my God, Tay. Is that all you're worried about? Yeah. Okay? I did. But as far as I was aware, you and I were not in a relationship. In fact, you said you didn't want a relationship with me. You didn't really expect me to wait for you to change your mind, did you? Damn it, Tay. You really have some shit to figure out... You already know how I feel about you. And I can respect whatever it is you want. But you have to decide. It isn't fair to me. So... I'm giving you space. But don't expect me to wait around for you while you make up your mind," I spat and spun around, leaving her there to digest my words.

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I had kind of expected to hear back from Tay after our talk, but I found myself checking my phone after work a couple of days later to see there was only a text from Alex asking me to come over. It was still early enough in the evening, so I told him I was on my way. I was happy I wouldn't have to be alone for the night. I really wanted to talk, and I hoped Alex would be able to offer some advice as to what I should do about Tay. And besides, I hadn't really discussed with him the purpose of our liaison. I had no idea what he wanted out of this and I wasn't sure what I expected from it either.