I'll Be The Anchor - Michael Clifford

I'd Give Anything

It'd been a lovely few days since Michael had spent the night with me in my apartment. That day I'd showed him my school, taken everyone to a little Italian place for lunch, and successfully showed Michael what makes up my life.

He seemed to enjoy his time with me in the city. My parents still scared him, despite their cheery behavior. He mentioned something about how the whole day would have been different had it just been him and I. Michael seems to think he's a bit too eccentric. Which worried me because he might be right.

The tour was coming to a halt in a matter of days and tension was growing think as we had made our way to the west coast. There had been several awkward nights with Michael and I being in situations with Harry. It seemed that Harry was only becoming me aggressive in pursuit as time ran out. It also didn't help that Michael more or less took our relationship public to the crew. He said it'd make it easier, less sneaking around.

Which earned me a handful of nasty looks and harsh words. I should have been more professional and told Michael no. I should have learned from the past. I needed to realize this was a fantasy world. That's what they all said.

Despite that, I loved him. Despite everything, I loved him.

It wasn't the same love I had with Harry, that addiction to attention. It was a much more healthy love.

I was terrified.

It was the day before the last gig, I'd woken everyone up and took them to brunch at a nearby pancake house. After that we handled some press and returned to the venue. Sitting in a back room we listened to some random music Ashton had selected.

"Hey Len, are you going to do the Australian leg with us?" Calum asked.

I looked to my hands before meeting his eyes.

"I can't." I said.

Michael grabbed my had, he'd known for a while now that I wasn't going with him.

"Why?" Luke asked, face covered with worry.

"Your usual manager is doing that with you, they don't want me to... Plus I've got school starting soon." I responded, trying to make them understand.

"What if we'd rather finish out with you?" Calum asked again.

"You know I want to, you know I do..." I said.

Michael looked away, thumb still stroking the side of my hand gently.

Everyone was silent, realization that we only had two more nights together sunk in.

"You'll have to come see us soon then." Ashton said, toying with his phone.

"I'll do my best. It'll be hard getting there though. Flights are expensive and getting off school is hard." I said, trying to let him down easy because the reality of me getting to Australia was slim.

"Lennie you must. Don't make excuses." Calum said.

Michael laughed a bit at Calum calling me out.

"I promise I'm not." I said.

"You are..." Michael said lowly.

"I'm not, I can't just leave..." I said starting to get a bit frustrated as they assumed I was just abandoning them.

I stood up and released Michael's hand.

"I'll be on the bus, okay? Let me know how soundcheck goes." I said, walking quickly from the room and not turning back.

I became a slave to my thoughts once again as I crawled into my bunk. The pillow smelt like Michael, everything smelt like Michael. He was flooding my senses. I wanted to badly to follow him and the other boys to Australia, to see them prosper, to help with the label. I just couldn't.